People staring at you.

[Jordy]

Do you ever have interactions with people where give you a certain look or stare at you and than you find yourself thinking about why they looked at you, and what they could have been thinking for a long time after the interaction happened?

 

[Outdated]

I get those looks quite often but they are no mystery to me. There's several different reasons, most commonly when they realise that I don't fit the stereotype that they had imagined I fit, or on occasions where my mask has slipped and they saw a little more emotion than I wanted to display.

 

[Rodafina]

My reaction happens more in the moment… During an interaction when someone is staring, my mind gets fixated on why and my words stop working. If I can’t be quiet, I start saying weird stuff that I don’t mean to say… The mask becomes faulty. Odd stims follow. I hate being stared at.

 

[Raggamuffin]

With the way I look, I get stared at all the time. Truth be told it's kind of unnerving and exhausting. I'm not too sure if I chose to look this way as a defence mechanism. It seems to ward a lot of people off, but I get a lot of judgemental looks, jeering, some people just look outright intimidated or scared as I walk down the street. I got back from the city just now and I sometimes forget just how many people do it. If I'm not in a good headspace it's probably why I'm getting more alarmed looks, because my body language and vibe is all wrong. The amount of people who look away as I soon as I meet their gaze.

It all adds to the feelings of loneliness.

Ed

 

[Mr. Stevens]

My reaction happens more in the moment… During an interaction when someone is staring, my mind gets fixated on why and my words stop working. If I can’t be quiet, I start saying weird stuff that I don’t mean to say… The mask becomes faulty. Odd stims follow. I hate being stared at.

So true.

 

[Angular Chap]

I know the stares, and the confused, almost dumbfounded facial expressions as well.

Then there's intrusive staring, the ones that just will not look away until you are out of sight. Even British Transport Police recognise it's existence and acknowledge it as a problem, even as a form of harassment for some.

 

[Rodafina]

I was at a grocery store yesterday and there were four employees standing around observing the produce section. It seemed as if they were assessing something about the store and the customers… Maybe a team meeting, I have no idea what, but they kept changing their position and then would just start watching again. I kept trying to move away from them, but they kept moving throughout the store, observing something, although I could never figure out what. Even though it had nothing to do with me, my brain shut down and I left the store without half the things I went there for. It was just too much observation, like all the customers were fish in a fishbowl and even though rational thinking would’ve told me to ignore it, my brain wouldn’t listen to reason, and I felt sort of panicked.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

Perhaps a good script for these moments is: "Is my sexiness a problem for you?"

 

[Rodafina]

Perhaps a good script for these moments is: "Is my sexiness a problem for you?"

 

[Outdated]

Perhaps a good script for these moments is: "Is my sexiness a problem for you?"

 

[Mr. Stevens]

I'm too sexy for my stims
Too sexy for my stims
Just check the DSM

 

[Storm Hess]

I normally don't pay attention to others unless it starts becoming too crowded for my liking and people begin brushing up against me or bumping into me. That's when I start having an issue.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Do you ever have interactions with people where give you a certain look or stare at you and than you find yourself thinking about why they looked at you, and what they could have been thinking for a long time after the interaction happened?

I used to before I learned about my autism. The part I didn't know about was the practice of social eye aversion. If I saw someone from across the room, down a hallway, down some distance on a sidewalk, usually someone I had some acquaintance with, I had this habit of making eye contact and keeping eye contact until we were close enough to say "Hello". I was always confused why, at the very last moment, they would eye avert and "ghost me". I would often be somewhat offended, then our next interaction would be distant and awkward. Well, come to find out, for many people, maintaining eye contact is actually a threatening gesture in that context, many mammals have this same social-biological response. Me, I was clueless for the better part of 50 years. Now, I've learned to not give eye contact until the moment in which I am supposed to express a greeting. Totally different.

Most of the time when I say something that results in "a look", I am aware of why they may have reacted. Obviously, it was in response to something I said, and I am not the slightest bit "woke" or "politically correct", I am very direct and say what I want. So, it is somewhat entertaining knowing that much of the under 30 population is "perpetually offended". My wife and I have a bit of fun with our 27 and 29 year old children, saying things with a 1970's-80's "flair" just to watch them squirm. I am officially an "old fart" in their eyes. Now, as far as having some sense of what they were actually thinking, I never have, and for the most part, rarely cared enough to ask.

 

[foliodoe]

I feel like people are always staring at me. I stare back, though. Which is why I prefer to always wear sunglasses. The darker the better

 

[Progster]

Yes, people staring at me unnerves me, but I think that people can't help tracking movement - if someone is walking down the street and someone is coming towards them from the opposite direction, they can't help but look, and then, if you happen to glance at them, then unwanted eye contact takes place.

 

[Owliet]

People staring at me does worry me because I do think that they’re passing judgement or something…but often times, I dont think most people really mean to stare, I think that sometimes, people just have those awkward moments when they happen to look at you and you look at them as you go pass. I do similar if people are speaking a different language — I dont mean to stare at them but it is out of curiosity and wondering where they are from.=).

I remember we learned this as kids, don't stare at people and don't point at people. It's rude. I don't think people learn that anymore.

Kids stare a lot and often stop and stare — although to be fair, I guess i used to do that to whenever I saw a bigger person.

I used to before I learned about my autism. The part I didn't know about was the practice of social eye aversion. If I saw someone from across the room, down a hallway, down some distance on a sidewalk, usually someone I had some acquaintance with, I had this habit of making eye contact and keeping eye contact until we were close enough to say "Hello". I was always confused why, at the very last moment, they would eye avert and "ghost me". I would often be somewhat offended, then our next interaction would be distant and awkward. Well, come to find out, for many people, maintaining eye contact is actually a threatening gesture in that context, many mammals have this same social-biological response. Me, I was clueless for the better part of 50 years. Now, I've learned to not give eye contact until the moment in which I am supposed to express a greeting. Totally different.

Most of the time when I say something that results in "a look", I am aware of why they may have reacted. Obviously, it was in response to something I said, and I am not the slightest bit "woke" or "politically correct", I am very direct and say what I want. So, it is somewhat entertaining knowing that much of the under 30 population is "perpetually offended". My wife and I have a bit of fun with our 27 and 29 year old children, saying things with a 1970's-80's "flair" just to watch them squirm. I am officially an "old fart" in their eyes. Now, as far as having some sense of what they were actually thinking, I never have, and for the most part, rarely cared enough to ask.

I learned that also because I used to try to make eye contact once I was diagnosed and thought if I made enough that I would improve on this skill. Apparently, people dont like it if you maintain contact for a long period. Especially if you happen to be walking directly towards them. I was quite surprised that I got told that it was not a good idea to do this by my then psych with the explanation. But it makes a lot of sense. Here, we also verbal greet each other with a good morning or good day — it’s a very common thing form of respect and no one takes it as a threat….yet…once at university I said good morning to someone and she was like “ what did you just say to me.” ….I was only saying good morning, but I learned that sometimes some people seem to even take verbal greetings negatively if they are not used to it. People are so diverse.

 

[MildredHubble]

I certainly know this very well! I find it happens most when I get into what I've described as a "verbal avalanche" but now I understand what I was doing was "info dumping". But when I notice the stare I find I'm the same as Rodafina, my brain shuts down contact to my mouth and I start to stutter or just freeze up.

I guess I don't intuitively understand when I get into an info dump situation. If someone asks about something I understand a lot about it's like my brain is on rails. Something gets latched and the question someone asked me about their laptop becomes a comprehensive history on computers! So I get stares or yawning and that throws me for a loop.

I don't tend to notice stares often out in public. But the first thing that enters my head when I do notice the odd one is "oh dear was I talking to myself again in front of people!?". It's so normal for me it can pass by my attention and then I have to start singing something to disguise it. A bit like that scene in Fawlty Towers where Basil gets caught celebrating his flutter on the horses. (Sorry I tried to find a clip but it's rubbish quality)

 

[Forest Cat]

A bit like that scene in Fawlty Towers where Basil gets caught celebrating his flutter on the horses. (Sorry I tried to find a clip but it's rubbish quality)

That show is so funny I have the DVD box. Such a shame they stopped after two seasons.

 

[MildredHubble]

That show is so funny I have the DVD box. Such a shame they stopped after two seasons.

The thing we can never know about Fawlty Towers is if they had continued on for more seasons, would it have been as good? Would it still be a classic? We shall (sadly) never know!

 

[Au Naturel]

We like to look at ourselves through other people's eyes. Then we imagine them making judgments on us that we've made ourselves. This results in fear or anger or whatever toward them over a reaction we manufactured out of thin air. Most of the time, their thoughts have nothing to do with us. This is somewhat true of many people, but people with social anxiety get a double dose.

Looking isn't staring. Once in a while, they might actually be staring. There's always a reason, and it could be useful information. Unless they are smoking with hostility, you might ask. If they deny it, let it go. Not worth pursuing.

This is called the Spotlight Effect. We think our perceived flaws are the center of other people's attention. Unless you are causing active problems for others, they aren't.

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-the-spotlight-effect-3024470