People staring at you.

[GypsyMoth]

Do you ever have interactions with people where give you a certain look or stare at you and than you find yourself thinking about why they looked at you, and what they could have been thinking for a long time after the interaction happened?

Yep. Unnerving, isn’t it?

I asked my counselor why she felt she had to stare. She’ll sit facing me square on and would maintain continuous eye contact if I let her. I don’t let her— yet, she still stares. It makes me feel vulnerable and interrogated, even though the words we exchange are friendly and don’t line up with her body language. She says it makes people feel listened to and seen. I don’t know how to tell her that it makes me feel like I’m under a microscope.

I find that my most productive conversations are held while standing at an angle, where we can share some common visual space that we can both speak into.

 

[Au Naturel]

Yep. Unnerving, isn’t it?

I asked my counselor why she felt she had to stare. She’ll sit facing me square on and would maintain continuous eye contact if I let her. I don’t let her— yet, she still stares. It makes me feel vulnerable and interrogated, even though the words we exchange are friendly and don’t line up with her body language. She says it makes people feel listened to and seen. I don’t know how to tell her that it makes me feel like I’m under a microscope.

I find that my most productive conversations are held while standing at an angle, where we can share some common visual space that we can both speak into.

I would not be happy with someone who stared at me. I like to have conversations with intermittent eye contact. If you want me to feel listened to, then respond in a way that relates to what I said.

 

[NB79]

My mother thinks still, even when i have told to her that i don't work like that, that she feels disrespected when i don't look her in eyes, she also says that to make friends i need to go to people and talk to them, i mean i love my mom, she has always supported me, but God i can't make myself understand to her that i don't work like that.

 

[Au Naturel]

My mother thinks still, even when i have told to her that i don't work like that, that she feels disrespected when i don't look her in eyes, she also says that to make friends i need to go to people and talk to them, i mean i love my mom, she has always supported me, but God i can't make myself understand to her that i don't work like that.

What I usually got was, "Look at me when I'm speaking to you!" Part of the scolding came through the eyes. The assumption is that if you are not making eye contact you're not paying respect. Not giving your undivided attention.

When I first started going on job interviews, I was told once that I didn't get the job because I didn't make eye contact with the interviewer, and he considered that a sign of shiftiness. Watching a person's eyes gave indicators that told you if they were being truthful. So the next interview, I maintained eye contact and was told I didn't get the job because my eye contact felt too challenging. That was a time and place when you could ask for an interview evaluation and some places would give it to you. Today you know you didn't get the job when they ghosted you.