Personal preferences in dating

[AsheSkyler]

Your list had me ROLLING! I admit, you're a bit intimidating at times. And funny. I love that combination. It could be that, though, more than your AS, that makes you harder to pair up.

Yes, "thinks with both heads" is high on my list, too. Partly because I'm a disaster in dealing with the smaller one, and partly because I don't trust anyone who makes my appearance a big issue in their approach. I feel like the very sight of me screams, "I'm not about superficial nonsense." Or at least it should.

Oh, then you'd really hate the football [soccer] culture here. It defies description.

Adam is a bit feminine. Not effeminate, feminine. He looks masculine enough...nobody's mistaking him for a female, and he would make a lousy drag queen...but he has a softness in his voice and manner that I find delightful. And the man can COOK. My previous partners have all been like this, minus the culinary skill. Maybe softer men make me feel more "macho" for all of my problems?

I fear the day football fans on both sides of the pond unite. It's bad enough dealing with one flavor of football, I can't imagine living around people going ga-ga over TWO.

It's hard to pass up a partner that can cook tasty things! Admittedly, some of the fellows I've had the biggest crushes on did have a history of getting flirted with a lot by gay guys because they just had that air about them. I think I like feminine guys because they're more likely to be the good kind of macho than the bad kind like the "real men" who haven't changed their underwear in a week. *shudder*

I always giggle when a fella says I'm intimidating. I don't doubt it, I was raised to not be as docile as other people. But I love to make people laugh, so I do hope that makes up for the scariness.

The regional differences are staggering. I could well imagine there are New Yorkers, for example, whose dating preferences would include restrictions on people from the South. There's a bit of that in England, too, but it's more to do with class associations, I think. Or is it the same there?

Very possible. And a bit funny considering our history. New York was reluctant to turn against us during the Confederate War because we had such a great trade system going between us. And then the Irish got fed up with their own oppression and sacked New York City, so there went that. Some have hailed that as the bloodiest and nastiest riot/battle/whatever through the whole war.
New York aside, yeah, still a nation divided by those hanging on to ridiculous prejudice. The South is still considered racist and dumb, and we still think Yankees just have a corncob up their bum. I have no idea where the West fits into that since some of those states belonged to other countries at the time.

Cultural differences are still a big issue since there are so many cultures and subcultures from current territory, territory of origin, and race/culture you're raised in.
- First you have to get past the accent with four distinct accents of north, south, west, and "neutral" with each accent's subtype like the Brooklyn accent, which also partly determines what climates you tolerate since there's everything from 8% humidity on a bad day (Arizona) to only 60% humidity on a good day (lower Mississippi). And also my pet theory over how our different regions react to one another based on which countries they were largely settled by, but that's a tangent for another day. Then territory breaks down even further to county vs. county. It got to where I refused to hunt in my own county and I went looking to other counties, although most prefer shopping in their own county or even their home town.
- Then of course is the city vs. country issue with the classic problem of a city slicker traumatized by cow poop and the hick from the sticks getting claustrophobic around so many skyscrapers.
- Naturally class comes into play. People get fussy when their car breaks down and nobody is there to fix it, but heaven forbid you marry a blue-collar mechanic! And same in the reverse. You want your kid to marry into a well-to-do white-collar family, but then they're the snob that's too good for their roots!
- And of course, race or culture of origin, especially if it leans more toward "culture" and less toward "neutral". I was raised redneck. While I love the Chinese, the food, the traditions, and I would do quite well with eating and sleeping on the floor (and possibly insist on doing so, I don't have a good relationship with furniture) I'd always feel a bit lost, out of place, and generally uncomfortable if I had married a fellow that was more what would be considered traditionally Chinese because it's not what I was raised around or personally identify with. And also outside of Asian restaurants I think I've seen maybe five Asian people in Alabama, they just don't settle here for some reason.
- And then there are social cliques of geeks vs. jocks vs. goths at which point I just throw my hands up in the air and go find a tree to hang with.

Not to say nobody every mixes. I have quite a few Hispanic cousins on both sides, a few black ones on one side, an adopted Asian one on the other, and my husband has a good bit of family in Illinois. I'm assuming it's about that way in smaller countries who are often in contact with other countries since they're so close together and prone to have histories that reach back hundreds or thousands of years, but I have no idea what border policies and standards are like elsewhere. Are they hostile and patriotic? Are they friendly lovers? Are they a normal mix of both? I have no clue. I only get to hear of other nations when they're getting blown up.

 

[Nadador]

...(edit) I once was told that I'm a perfect enabler for an older guys midlife crisis. In that I'm still doing the stuff many would probably wanted to do in their late teens, early 20's. That's the amount of toxic precence I've brought to some guys my age (and some even a few years younger).

I don't end up in just any bar or club. I probably end up in the clubs that cater to certain crowds.

I can be quite smooth, which is so un-aspielike I guess. But I think it heavily revolves around talking about interests and bringing interesting angles to the mix. I've also been told that I tend to have this presence if I'm among people; I'm just clearly noticeably around even if I don't say a word.

I wouldn't call it toxic, unless that's the way you prefer to see it. I would call it liberating. Men never grow up, really. They grow older, more constrained by responsibility, wiser if they're lucky. It just takes the right permission to bring the lad in them back out. You must have a facility for pushing the right buttons.

The kinds of night-spots I am called upon to visit are very generic. But then again, so am I. My impression of more interesting places is that they are even more chaotic to the senses. You must not be easily overloaded.

A presence, eh? It's been said I have one of those, and I guess I must have, to be successful in my business. But to be honest, I'd rather fade a bit more into the woodwork. Being the centre of attention gets boring, and exhausting. So many of the people who want to talk to me really don't want to talk about anything of substance. They just want to talk to me. I end up having to carry most of the conversation they've started. That's a chore for my Aspie brain. If you are still at the stage where you enjoy commanding attention, I tip my hat to you. It must be nice to have so much energy!

 

[Nadador]

By Jove, I think I've hit on one of AsheSkyler's favourite topics! [< I wish that Smiley wasn't pink]

...(edit) It got to where I refused to hunt in my own county and I went looking to other counties...

When you said "hunt", I pictured you with a rifle, going for a bear. I nearly ducked.

[But yes, your sense of humour de-fangs you somewhat]

- Naturally class comes into play. People get fussy when their car breaks down and nobody is there to fix it, but heaven forbid you marry a blue-collar mechanic! And same in the reverse. You want your kid to marry into a well-to-do white-collar family, but then they're the snob that's too good for their roots!

I have quite a few Hispanic cousins on both sides, a few black ones on one side, an adopted Asian one on the other, and my husband has a good bit of family in Illinois.

I'm assuming it's about that way in smaller countries who are often in contact with other countries since they're so close together and prone to have histories that reach back hundreds or thousands of years, but I have no idea what border policies and standards are like elsewhere. Are they hostile and patriotic? Are they friendly lovers? Are they a normal mix of both? I have no clue. I only get to hear of other nations when they're getting blown up.

That first bit I've quoted of you is England all over. I suppose people are the same way everywhere. Other classes are great when you need them, an irritation when you don't.

You make Illinoisians sound like another race.

As for the last bit, it all depends. You'll find English folk who wouldn't want their daughter marrying an Irishman or a Scotsman, and the other ways 'round. And of course nobody wants a son-in-law from Wales. That's virtually a Third World country to some. Different countries in Europe have their stereotypes and grudges against others. The French and the English. The French and the Germans. The French and the Spanish. [Hmm. I see a pattern forming. ] The more prosperous western Europeans and the poorer eastern ones. Some of it is culture, some is economics or religion. Some of it is the complex environment caused by the formation and expansion of the EU. There are scars from old wars. All sorts of divisions and differences. But the younger generations are transcending all of that more and more. Any kid with half an education who has travelled even lightly has a fair appreciation for their neighbours these days. Those who are firmly in the middle class are most open, I've found. Those on the extremes tend to do the most complaining.

Of course, someone else from England, or anywhere in Europe, might see this all differently. This is just my quick summary, from my own observations, and I've left plenty out. But you get the idea. So you're essentially correct, I think: Europe [I'll include Britain in Europe, for simplicity...fellow Brits, be forgiving] interacts more similarly to the collective United States than we probably like to admit.

 

[AsheSkyler]

By Jove, I think I've hit on one of AsheSkyler's favourite topics! [< I wish that Smiley wasn't pink]

You make Illinoisians sound like another race.

I know, I hate pink too! And yes, I have a culture fetish! =)
Illinois is simply a Northern state. We have quite a few folk from Illinois and Michigan actually. It makes me happy to think maybe some people letting go so we can get on with our lives. I'm hoping the next step is that we're all allowed to be proud of where we're from without getting sideways glances. The North is no longer hanging witches, the South is no longer owning slaves, and the West isn't into genocide anymore. Granted, we all three have a history of that and I'm none too thrilled with how reservations are handled, but hopefully that'll get fixed soon too.

As for the last bit, it all depends. You'll find English folk who wouldn't want their daughter marrying an Irishman or a Scotsman, and the other ways 'round. And of course nobody wants a son-in-law from Wales. That's virtually a Third World country to some. Different countries in Europe have their stereotypes and grudges against others. The French and the English. The French and the Germans. The French and the Spanish. [Hmm. I see a pattern forming. ] The more prosperous western Europeans and the poorer eastern ones. Some of it is culture, some is economics or religion. Some of it is the complex environment caused by the formation and expansion of the EU. There are scars from old wars. All sorts of divisions and differences. But the younger generations are transcending all of that more and more. Any kid with half an education who has travelled even lightly has a fair appreciation for their neighbours these days. Those who are firmly in the middle class are most open, I've found. Those on the extremes tend to do the most complaining.

Of course, someone else from England, or anywhere in Europe, might see this all differently. This is just my quick summary, from my own observations, and I've left plenty out. But you get the idea. So you're essentially correct, I think: Europe [I'll include Britain in Europe, for simplicity...fellow Brits, be forgiving] interacts more similarly to the collective United States than we probably like to admit.

Sounds right to me. Ireland and Scotland have been butting heads with England for God knows how long with every excuse from culture to religion to economics. (I suppose I'd be traumatised to if I was a proper English soldier and then this horde of naked, blue wild men suddenly came thundering down a hill.) Having roots in all three, I've taken an interest in also tracking some of those prejudices as they came over here. I knew of the other country tangles, but not France and Germany. Given that the whole country was settled by Europeans (aside from a bit of Russian occupation at one point), I'm not surprised we have a lot of similarities. I had a rather lengthy journal post once on it, including how I was dissecting some accents to figure out what combined with what based on what they sounded like and what facial features some areas tended to favor since I couldn't find many historical references for the countries I was hunting down.

So why does Britain not like being considered European? Is it because they're technically on an island instead of connected to the continent?

And do you possibly know anything of the mysterious Goths or Visigoths? By this point I am convinced they were little fairies or elves that just sprang from the ground one day with the sole purpose of embarrassing Rome before returning to whatever mushroom circle they flew from. Their origins are terribly overlooked in every history book I open!

 

[Nadador]

The North is no longer hanging witches, the South is no longer owning slaves, and the West isn't into genocide anymore.

That's progress, anyway....

I failed to mention something you might find interesting. England is the reverse of the U.S. in terms of perception of North and South. Many people from the southern half of England tend to think their northern counterparts are ignorant and uncultured. Many people from the north think more southern English are snooty prigs.

Sounds right to me. Ireland and Scotland have been butting heads with England for God knows how long with every excuse from culture to religion to economics.

I had a rather lengthy journal post once on it, including how I was dissecting some accents to figure out what combined with what based on what they sounded like and what facial features some areas tended to favor since I couldn't find many historical references for the countries I was hunting down.

When it came down to brass tacks, Scotland chose to stick with us. The result of the recent vote pleased me.

You missed your calling as an ethnographer or sociolinguist, methinks. The pay isn't good, but it's fascinating work. I know one of each.

So why does Britain not like being considered European? Is it because they're technically on an island instead of connected to the continent?

And do you possibly know anything of the mysterious Goths or Visigoths? By this point I am convinced they were little fairies or elves that just sprang from the ground one day with the sole purpose of embarrassing Rome before returning to whatever mushroom circle they flew from. Their origins are terribly overlooked in every history book I open!

It's somewhat about simple geography, yes, and differences of culture and opinion from history and geographic isolation. Of course each European culture/country has its own distinct flavours, but generally speaking, they have more in common with each other than we have with any of them. More recently there is the problem of our feelings about the EU. I could go on for ages about that dysfunctional relationship. At least we have retained our own currency.

I don't know much about the Goths, but I can tell you that friends who are interested in the subject tend to like the books of Henry Bradley and Peter Heather. Maybe their works could answer some of your questions. I wouldn't be surprised if they did spring from a mushroom circle. Their region of origin is certainly known for some fantastic creatures!