Physical symptoms are keeping me down.

[Metalhead]

I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

 

[FayetheAspie]

You're just depressed right now, but if you can can just hold on things will get better again.

 

[tree]

I want to fall asleep and never wake up again.

All the bad stuff would vanish.

You're so tired of the crap/struggle/bad stuff.

 

[Masked Man]

I suggest you get a handle on those intrusive thoughts as best you can.

For example, embrace the word "maybe." I learned this in a workshop at my work a few years ago. I thought it was kind of silly at the time but in retrospect it helps to control and stop the intrusive negative thoughts.

For this to work, you need to be aware of what you are thinking. It's like you have to recognize the thoughts going through your head, like you are another person listening and watching what you are saying to yourself.

If, for example, your thoughts are "Monday is going to be so bad," you (as the outside voice) interject - "... maybe."

By interjecting "Maybe" you introduce uncertainty.

You don't KNOW what is going to happen on Monday. You can't tell the future. The goal with "Maybe" is to train yourself and your thoughts to not see life in terms of gain or loss or good or bad, because we never really know whether an event is fortune or misfortune.

 

[Metalhead]

All the bad stuff would vanish.

You're so tired of the crap/struggle/bad stuff.

I am tired of being a loser. I am tired of myself.

 

[tree]

How much sleep have you been getting this week?
And what kind?

-------
I am tired of you accepting your family's estimation of you.

---
I know the feeling of being tired of oneself.
You want positive change and that's not automatic or easy.

 

[Metalhead]

How much sleep have you been getting this week?
And what kind?

-------
I am tired of you accepting your family's estimation of you.

---
I know the feeling of being tired of oneself.
You want positive change and that's not automatic or easy.

I keep waking up in the middle of the night. I am finding myself dozing when I am sitting at my desk at work involuntarily. I am finding myself dozing when I am sitting on my couch. I feel dizzy, out of sorts, in a massive fog.

 

[tree]

How long are the 'awake' times in the night?
How long are the sleeps in between?

Some of what you're going through may be side effects from
the wt. loss medication you recently started taking.

Spoiler

"This medicine may cause some people to be agitated, irritable, or display other abnormal behaviors. It may also cause some people to have suicidal thoughts and tendencies or to become more depressed. Make sure your healthcare provider knows if you have trouble sleeping, get upset easily, have a big increase in energy, or start to act reckless. Also, tell your healthcare provider if you have any sudden or strong feelings, including feeling nervous, angry, restless, violent, or scared."
Naltrexone (oral route)
Naltrexone side effects: What they are and how to manage them

 

[Metalhead]

I need to contact my doctor ASAP. Shame that office is closed on weekends.

Also, it is a shame that all of my local RL friends are far too busy to spend any time with me this weekend.

I have to go through this on my own for the most part.

 

[tree]

It is hard being alone.
The company of good friends can soften the edges.

---
Even though your doctor's office is closed,
can you leave a message?

 

[ManuelXX]

My primary physical symptom that is keeping me down these days is a chronic sense of fatigue. The doctor is planning on getting me into another sleep study to test for sleep apnea again after my septoplasty a year and a half ago. I also need to lose a lot of weight if it really is sleep apnea, and I am now on medication that is supposedly going to help out with that under a doctor's careful supervision.

I feel like sleeping when I am sitting at my desk at work or on my couch at home. I need to get more physical activity in and only I can change that much.

I know what I need to be doing, I just need to stop brainlessly surfing the Internet on my spare time and actually spend some time building myself up. That is on me and nobody else at this point. I find myself spending too much time downloading yaoi and bara manga and not enough time being productive in any way, shape or form. That stuff is probably rotting my brain, since it is essentially nothing but drawn pornography.

Time for me to hit the "reset" button on my life. Delete all the manga, start life over without that. Get back into doing cardio on a daily basis.

If you are writing that you are a strong person. You will have success

 

[Metalhead]

I left a message with my doctor.

I most likely will not be fired. My boss told me she wants more accountability out of me. I will provide that to her. I will put on my nicest work clothes tomorrow and start being who I really want to be.

I reached out to my friends this weekend. They made time for me. I am going to go to a men’s breakfast every Sunday from now on, now that I have a ride there.

I was not behaving the way I wanted to be. I was telling myself I was a loser. But God did not make me to be a loser. And a separation from my family is what I will follow through with now.

 

[Metalhead]

I deserve to uphold my personal boundaries. I deserve to drop them for nobody. Not even family.

 

[Metalhead]

I talked with the boss. I am on two months probation now. I can't take any more time off sick without a doctor's note. This is fair. It is up to me to prove I want to keep the job at this point.

 

[Metalhead]

The doctor told me to stop taking the naltrexone.

The boss gave me a new project - undergo intensive Salesforce training over the next month and then build them a new database.

 

[Masked Man]

As I said, they just wanted to make sure you were okay and to deliver some coaching. You got this.