L.A. Woman
New Member
In my Introduction about myself I wrote that during my first visit to see my friend of many, many years who has received a diagnosis of Asperger's Syndrome this year, that new formal and factual information had helped the way we were able to communicated enormously. I really hoped that she would gain a diagnosis if it would help her to make more sense of herself and give her some tools to help her to negotiate the world more effectively. I also hoped that it would point me in the correct direction for communicating with her in ways which she would find easier. We have had some spectacular fallings-out over the years, most of which I can see, with the benefit of this diagnosis were down to our vastly differing communication styles and needs.
Well, we have just had another one. In my Introduction to me message I deliberately wrote about 'my first visit' because I had just cut short my econd visit to her. Not for the first time she had another explosive moment of jealousy about something I had done and very angrily told me to leave. It felt impossible to stay. And I am very sad about that. As well as angry and confused. This could lead the end of our friendship or a long break during which both of us will feel bad. I know this from previous experiences of this sudden event with her. She gets very possessive of my time when I am with her even if she isn't available herself. So out time together and what we do with it is mostly done according to what she wants. I am fairly easy-going as long as I can rest when I need to and if I do disagree and she dislikes that a lot, because she is anxious that I don't understand her motivations I think, she has a tendency to continue to tell me repeatedly why she needs to do something in a certain way. So I am sorry to say that I just go along with her because it is easier.
I want to write to her now to apologise and to ask her to work with me to try to bring our relationship back onto a more friendly plane.
However, I haven't written to her yet because I want to make sure - as far as it is possible to do so - that I am being clear.
Last time I visited her she was very busy unfortunately completing a very important form which had an imminent deadline.She said afterwards that having me there to help her work out what she needed to write on it was essential so that felt good.
It was hard for both of us that she couldn't give me as much attention as she would have liked however I am pretty good at making the best of any time I have on my own because I read a lot, like doing other people's housework and went out on my own a couple of times.
This time she was busy as well. She had decided to make me some clothes as she is a very accomplished seamstress and she wanted to show me how much she appreciated the practical support I had given her when she was very ill a couple of years ago.
Unfortunately she was busy working on the clothes, only one of which was completed by the time I arrived.I extended my visit to give her more time to work on them which she said she wanted to do.And I wanted to take some of the fabulous garments home having come all that way for them.So I was again at rather a loose end. As an antidote to this I thought I would get some reflexlogy because it helps my chronic pain a lot.There was a place nearby her flat which I asked in and provisionally booked an appointment however I checked with her beforehand
that she was okay with this. She said it was. She asked when I would be back and I told her. I went to my appointment.
The therapist was busy on the phone. When the call finished she apologised and told me what time the session would end. 45 minutes later than I had thought.
about very hard about this proposition. I didn't want to be rude to my friend but I also really needed the treatment. didn't know what to do. I suspected, based on previous experience of her not liking something I had said or done that she
might be very angry however we had also previously spoken about my fearing that she would get angry if she couldn't see me when expected and I had agreed to always tell her the truth rather than protecting her. So, I tried to call to see what she
thought about my staying to have the treatment however there wasn't a strong enough signal from the building to call her.
And time was ticking on. So I sent her a text apologising that there had been a delay because of the therapist having a problem when I arrived,
asked her not to wait for me to eat, said that I would be back 45 mins later than I had thought, told her that I couldn't phone from the building
and that the text was the best I could do. I switched my phone off.
Treatment over I checked my phone and found 2 messages from her. The 1st:
'Please come back immediately clothes going in bin. Or return home tonight.'
The second referred to a previous situation in our relationhip which we have not sorted.
I tried to reason with her when I got back. she wouldn't have it so I left.
Well, we have just had another one. In my Introduction to me message I deliberately wrote about 'my first visit' because I had just cut short my econd visit to her. Not for the first time she had another explosive moment of jealousy about something I had done and very angrily told me to leave. It felt impossible to stay. And I am very sad about that. As well as angry and confused. This could lead the end of our friendship or a long break during which both of us will feel bad. I know this from previous experiences of this sudden event with her. She gets very possessive of my time when I am with her even if she isn't available herself. So out time together and what we do with it is mostly done according to what she wants. I am fairly easy-going as long as I can rest when I need to and if I do disagree and she dislikes that a lot, because she is anxious that I don't understand her motivations I think, she has a tendency to continue to tell me repeatedly why she needs to do something in a certain way. So I am sorry to say that I just go along with her because it is easier.
I want to write to her now to apologise and to ask her to work with me to try to bring our relationship back onto a more friendly plane.
However, I haven't written to her yet because I want to make sure - as far as it is possible to do so - that I am being clear.
Last time I visited her she was very busy unfortunately completing a very important form which had an imminent deadline.She said afterwards that having me there to help her work out what she needed to write on it was essential so that felt good.
It was hard for both of us that she couldn't give me as much attention as she would have liked however I am pretty good at making the best of any time I have on my own because I read a lot, like doing other people's housework and went out on my own a couple of times.
This time she was busy as well. She had decided to make me some clothes as she is a very accomplished seamstress and she wanted to show me how much she appreciated the practical support I had given her when she was very ill a couple of years ago.
Unfortunately she was busy working on the clothes, only one of which was completed by the time I arrived.I extended my visit to give her more time to work on them which she said she wanted to do.And I wanted to take some of the fabulous garments home having come all that way for them.So I was again at rather a loose end. As an antidote to this I thought I would get some reflexlogy because it helps my chronic pain a lot.There was a place nearby her flat which I asked in and provisionally booked an appointment however I checked with her beforehand
that she was okay with this. She said it was. She asked when I would be back and I told her. I went to my appointment.
The therapist was busy on the phone. When the call finished she apologised and told me what time the session would end. 45 minutes later than I had thought.
about very hard about this proposition. I didn't want to be rude to my friend but I also really needed the treatment. didn't know what to do. I suspected, based on previous experience of her not liking something I had said or done that she
might be very angry however we had also previously spoken about my fearing that she would get angry if she couldn't see me when expected and I had agreed to always tell her the truth rather than protecting her. So, I tried to call to see what she
thought about my staying to have the treatment however there wasn't a strong enough signal from the building to call her.
And time was ticking on. So I sent her a text apologising that there had been a delay because of the therapist having a problem when I arrived,
asked her not to wait for me to eat, said that I would be back 45 mins later than I had thought, told her that I couldn't phone from the building
and that the text was the best I could do. I switched my phone off.
Treatment over I checked my phone and found 2 messages from her. The 1st:
'Please come back immediately clothes going in bin. Or return home tonight.'
The second referred to a previous situation in our relationhip which we have not sorted.
I tried to reason with her when I got back. she wouldn't have it so I left.
