PTSD, anyone dealing with or have?

[Donein]

I'm dealing with PTSD. My dad was a severe alcoholic and eventually killed him self with bottles of vodka that lead to hypothermia.

Has any one read the somewhat new book out there called "Will I Ever Be Good Enough" - "Healing daughters of Narcissist Mothers" - by Karyl McBride.?

When you grow up with a Narcissist = N mom,,, your whole life, ,,,you are programmed like a soldier is programmed in war. The daily stress of the N mom will create PTSD. I was verbally abused for 24 years, and didn't even know it till I started on my quest for healing. When your parent is a narcissist, you will have PTSD. Most children with a N for a parent end up with Borderline Personality Disoder - the fear of being abandoned and the crazy explosive behaviors. Some will get histrionic personality disorder - way crazy, and then some will actually turn into their parent and become a narcissist them selves. For any of you out there that are intested in this, google Sam VanKin, he has many utubes on Narcissism. When examining your parents know that Narcissism and Aspergers can seem the same in certain ways. Learn the difference, or they can have both , as my husband does.

My opinion here, if you have AS, examine your child hood. Most times there will be a Narcissist for a parent or an AS for a parent.

 

[Donein]

When I was diagnosed as an Aspie, my psychiatrist actually seemed more interested in my concurrent diagnosis as someone with PTSD. I guess I already knew about the PTSD on some level, and had suspected it for years. I was certainly bullied and ostracized as a child. My mother died a couple of months after I turned 11. My father remarried about a year later and sent me away to boarding school. I never returned home again, except at the holidays and summer break. I felt utterly alone in the world. My stepmother was an alcoholic, with all of the baggage and ******** that comes along with it, and my father never stepped in to protect me. I was raped at 22, and was too frightened to tell a soul until last year (I am 55, and have been carrying it with me all these years). I have been an outsider, rejected, misunderstood all of my life, and it has taken a toll. I went through a phase of drug abuse which, in retrospect, seems like an effort to self-medicate. So yes, I understand about PTSD.

I'm sorry that your mom died. I'm sorry that your dad sent you away. This will cause PTSD... The part about the alcoholic step mother, can create PTSD you your life. She is a disordered person and when you live with her, you benefit the crap they give you. My dad was a drunk, and gave me PTSD. My dad was an undiagnosed AS turned alcoholic who married a Narcissist Woman. Some of the times when we are looking for why we could have PTSD, we don't know that one of our parents is a Narcissist. I have a huge family tree of Aspergers marrying Narcissists.

 

[Donein]

I think I have PTSD. I was bullied by kids in grade school, nothing too physical really, just, well I became an outcast. Then in High School, had some horrible relationships. At the same time of my life, my parents divorced and my mom hooked up with this psycho monster. My brothers and I were deathly afraid of him, he even "came on to me" when I was 17. He just totally creeped me out, still does. Then, in order to get away from that situation, I married a violent alcoholic when I was 19, he beat the crap out of me on several occasions. Later in life, I married another alcoholic (yes...pattern here) who was very verbally abusive. Other bad stuff happened in between, more psychological than physical, but damaging, none the less.
Does that count as PTSD material?

Yes this counts as PTSD. You were abused as a child. You watched complete dysfuction at your home. You were verbally abused and almost raped. This is unacceptable behaviors that you have witnessed. This will create PTSD. Unfortunately I think this is all too common with Aspergers. In my family there are huge amounts of AS that marry Narcissists and then some of the AS are the alcoholic or some of the Narcissists are disordered that turn into addicts. This dysfunction is handed down from generation to generation. When we see this growing up ,, the addict or emotionally unavailable person, we will then choose one as a mate.

So my mom is the Narcissist with small amounts of AS, and my dad was AS with narcisstic FLEAS; therefore , I choose an Asperger/Narcisstic mate. I was programmed to choose this. You were programmed to choose your alcoholic husband.

 

[Arashi222]

One thing though I have to poke my head in and say is that we are not all programed to be like what we have seen or experienced. Often it can lead to the opposite (good or bad). Parents do pass on traits to their children but other things beyond parental issues in childhood can cause PTSD. Things that happen like when my friend was murdered. PTSD can happen at any time for any reason.

 

[HelloDizzy]

I am just now deciding to deal with my PTSD and facing the pain. Even though I happen to deal with things much better than most do.
Thank God.

 

[Arashi222]

I am just now deciding to deal with my PTSD and facing the pain. Even though I happen to deal with things much better than most do.
Thank God.

Good for you Dizzy! You need all the support you can get. I really should work on my issues more but I don't think I want to because I don't think it should be a prerequiste to being friends with someone. It should be done out of need not because you are forced to.

 

[HelloDizzy]

Exactly Arashi. No one is forcing me to, no one is even supporting me in person - this is all my decision, my life, my choice to move through the bullcrap. That's what should happen with you, when YOU are ready.

 

[eon]

thank you for these replies lately, I have seen them on the email summaries I received. The impact of PTSD is so vast that its Horribly Difficult to self examine or see the true depth of the damage to your own self. WHAT creates or can create that impact is irrelevant. It is any acute fear experienced by the individual. there is no way to compare it or quantify that fear or the root cause of the experience of the fear or helplessness.

PTSD warps who you are and basically takes yourself away from yourself. ever since I realized that.... I've understood my death fixation and the near entirety of my behavior in my recent 10 years of attempting to be an adult

 

[Donein]

I am just now deciding to deal with my PTSD and facing the pain. Even though I happen to deal with things much better than most do.
Thank God.

This is brave and nobel...It's hard to deal with your past. I read a great quote "The unexamined life is not worth living"

 

[Bay]

This is brave and nobel...It's hard to deal with your past. I read a great quote "The unexamined life is not worth living"

That is one of my favorite quotes, Donein. I'm not sure, but it may have been Karl Jung who said it. Please correct me, anyone!

 

[Donein]

I have a huge Irish German Family and I married into a huge Polish family. All of them are disordered, alcoholism, Narcissism, Histrionics, Borderline , OCD, Aspergers on and on and on and on. I'm the only one that is examineing this craziness. I have noone to talk to about it. My NPD AS husband says "knock it off", My adult children don't want to hear about the dysfuction of there relatives, sceam at me that they don't have AS. My N. mom and I are No Contact - she plays the lieing game and manipulates her situations inorder to own her narcissitic supply. One brother drinks his pain away, has been an alcoholic for years, the other brother steals all the family money and is a Narcissist himself. Noone in this huge family can handle the truth. Three have died from substance abuse.

/Glad I found this forum to talk.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

I've just been reading this thread and found it interesting. When I looked up the symptoms for PTSD I could tick off every one of them. I had a pretty bad childhood with bullies. I still get it now. It could explain why I have been so reluctant to return to work. Avoiding the thing that sets you off.

I would be hesitant to use this as a diagnosis for myself though because my father in law is a vet from Vietnam. I understand he went through some pretty major stuff after the war when he came back. So what I experience is probably nothing compared to what he went through. He has killed people and seen people die. He has seen things we couldn't comprehend. So makes my silly excuses for PTSD seem a bit small in comparison. He never talks about Vietnam, well on occasion he has revealed a small detail or two, but I can only imagine the things that happened there.

 

[Donein]

I've just been reading this thread and found it interesting. When I looked up the symptoms for PTSD I could tick off every one of them. I had a pretty bad childhood with bullies. I still get it now. It could explain why I have been so reluctant to return to work. Avoiding the thing that sets you off.

The War veteran who experienced horrendeous death for say one year comes home and can not function as he should. He gets diangosed with PTSD.

A female child grows up and her mother is jealous of her. Her father is a drunk. The child has 22 years of never knowing what real love is. First the mother can never hold her or love her because she is a jeolous mother. The mother is a narcissist. The drunken father did go to the war and was never diagnosed with PTSD which he clearly had along with AS/and personality disorder. What happens to the little girl? The little girl who grew up with no love, and completely crazy teachings. This child had 8,030 days of being programmed with dysfunction.

The first war vet had 360 days of dysfuction at war.

Both the little girl and the first war vet are PTSD disordered.

 

[Dragon's Tooth]

The War veteran who experienced horrendeous death for say one year comes home and can not function as he should. He gets diangosed with PTSD.

A female child grows up and her mother is jealous of her. Her father is a drunk. The child has 22 years of never knowing what real love is. First the mother can never hold her or love her because she is a jeolous mother. The mother is a narcissist. The drunken father did go to the war and was never diagnosed with PTSD which he clearly had along with AS/and personality disorder. What happens to the little girl? The little girl who grew up with no love, and completely crazy teachings. This child had 8,030 days of being programmed with dysfunction.

The first war vet had 360 days of dysfuction at war.

Both the little girl and the first war vet are PTSD disordered.

I hear what you are saying donein. I guess neither at less deserving of the title. But when your around someone who has seen the worst that humanity can come up with it kind of makes you think twice. My father in law was SAS (elite secret forces) so things he did were probably worse than what a normal solider would have experienced. I am not going to repeat the fragments he has told us but when you know someone you care about has been through war and killed people because someone told them too it does make you wonder. Killing another human being would be something that scarred me forever and I often wonder how the average solider copes.

Though if people like us could get diagnosed with with PTSD we might be able to get some sort of help to deal with the scars society has left on our souls.

 

[Pusteblume]

My "housing aid/assistant" believes I have PTSD (he is the only one who know everything I've been through) and so does one friend and my occupational consultant (no, not occupational therapist) and they does just know about a few of the stuff.
I don't know what to believe myself. I don't really think I've been through something enough traumatic and some of the stuff have even been my own fault.

 

[abinun1987]

I have PTSD. For the most part, I'm okay and I don't get flashbacks frequently. It's usually when I'm stressed that it flares up. I mostly cope with it by just simply trying to tune it out by listening to music or watching something... just something to take my attention away from it. Because I have cystic fibrosis, I have a lot of medical-related trauma. Other than that, it's all emotional things... When I have a flashback, I feel like I'm back at that moment in time and I get extremely stressed -- sometimes to the point of a full-blown panic attack. Luckily, I haven't had too many traumatic things happen... the most recent ones are my hemoptysis episodes (pulmonary bleeds) and my partner of 5 years breaking up with me in October.

 

[Yumeko-chan]

I don't have a PTSD diagnosis, per se, but I've been diagnosed with panic disorder by two separate psychologists. Still, my traumas...let's see...here's the Cliff Notes version...

My life was pretty much what you'd call normal until shortly after I turned 15. Then Dad landed in the hospital with encephalitis, almost died, then ended up paralyzed from the chest down. My great-aunt Joanie lost her fight with colon cancer just before Dad got out of the hospital. Couple months after that, there was a shooting at my high school. Columbine. I was in the library. Few months after that, a guy I liked moved in with us from out of state to be close to me and to help out with Dad. Got molested for the next three years by him. Various health crises with Dad. Buried my dad, my older brother, and my grandpa in a two-year span. None of those deaths anyone saw coming, even Dad's, in spite of him being sick. And my brother's was a suicide.

My mental state's gotten worse over the past few years, I can say that for sure. Wish there was an easy fix, but no one's gonna know what it's like to be in my head.