I live and work in the USA, and have been continuously employed for almost 35 years. However, throughout my career I have felt restless and unfulfilled. I am now 62, will be 63 in September. I was not diagnosed until last year. Because I have been employed with the same company for 12 years and have consistently performed at a high level, I disclosed my diagnosis to my boss. I have not suffered any ill effects from this disclosure, but I have not asked for any form of disability support. So I am not able to respond to some of your questions.
I recently had a similar discussion with a 50 year old friend who works at my company. Like me he feels restless and unfulfilled. He is very intelligent but received no parental career guidance. In his words he is just a “cog in a machine”. I explained that we are all cogs in machines, and that does not make us failures. He is married and has two ASD1 teen aged sons. Without his unfulfilling job he could lose his wife and kids and become homeless. I advised my friend to provide his sons with the guidance he did not receive, and to be the best performing “cog in a machine” that he can be. It comes down to how you choose to view yourself, as a success or failure.
My friend suffers from anxiety and depression, and is undoubtedly on the spectrum. I cope with these issues via two different antidepressants, one taken in the morning snd one taken at night. I have also gone through cognitive behavioral therapy and mindfulness classes, neither of which were very helpful.
If you see yourself achieving future success in computer programming, then go for it. Be the best programmer you can be. I hope some of these comments are helpful, and I wish you the best of luck.
It's okay if you're not able to respond to some of my questions!
I'm really glad you didn't suffer any ill effects from your disclosure. I guess I've also been trying to avoid that restless and unfulfilled feeling...
"It comes down to how you choose to view yourself, as a success or failure."
Very, very true. I try to view myself as a success in progress, but more often than not I see myself as the latter instead and once I get myself in that kind of mindset, it's very hard for me to get out. My mental health was so bad earlier on this week that for once, I logged off all my social media 'cause I was so tired of seeing NTs post stuff and live their lives as if there's nothing wrong with them and moving forward having kids, getting married, having a great career, etc.
And I understand where your friend is coming from. I received little to no parental career guidance (actually little emotional support too, now that I think about it). I don't even think my parents bother learning about autism anymore ever since I became more "normal" or showed more signs of being "normal" in high school. They would vote conservative (Ford) if it meant keeping up to date with their conservative Christian values, even though Ford cut off funding for autism (if I remember correctly). I guess my parents are more family support people rather than career people--not a bad thing, but it can be (in my case) in terms of overprotectiveness, which can hinder someone's personal growth.
Half of my life, my mom hasn't been working ever since she got laid off back in 2010. Back in the Philippines, my dad dropped out of engineering school (if I remember correctly) and had bad habits such as gambling during chess games and smoking like 2 packs a day. So I guess I didn't really have parents to look up to career wise. Right now though, my dad is the current breadwinner of our family, a.k.a. the only one who knows how to drive and is earning money. He's turning 69 soon, and his current job has taken a toll on his sleeping schedule and physical health... In fact, I'm really worried about him because lately I feel like he's lost a lot more weight. He wants to retire (as he rightfully should), I don't have as much monetary support from my mom since, like I said, she hasn't worked since like 2010. I might surprisingly even have more money than her thanks to the little I saved up from previous jobs and government tax. But like your friend, if it weren't for my dad, we wouldn't be here right now...
And so that's why I'm posting this, because I want and need to move forward despite my ASD1/Anxiety/Depression/Possible OCD. I'm turning 28 next month and I'm not getting any younger. I'm tired of being aimless, purposeless in life and not doing enough to help others around me. I'm tired of feeling useless and thinking that I'm useless. My parents are getting older too and one day, they will be gone and I will have support myself and live more independently. I may have other family/friend/church support, but I'm an only child too.
Which antidepressants do you take (if you don't mind me asking)? The one I took last year (zoloft) didn't turn out great for me, and since my depression is probably a mild case, I'm holding off on medication for now... CBT and meditation/mindfulness are probably some of the available options for me at this point... The group CBT, not for me. I'll probably have to do some self study like getting a workbook since it's a really affordable option for me. Meditation/Mindfulness I find intriguing, but I just don't have it in my right now to relax and shut my brain off haha.
Yeah thank you so much! These comments were helpful. Sorry if my reply got too long/ranty.
It seems to be the only environment where people look at me with a trusting and positive attitude. Usually in the world people think I seem aloof, snobby, basically every negative thing - without even getting to know me. But I have been welcomed at church. But my community happens to be filled with an inordinate number of quirksters, including people on the spectrum. That's probably what helps!
Sigh, I'm pretty sure it's from my ASD... but at the same time, I used to have a way more negative view of the church because of having bad experiences from people around my age at past churches and being jaded about the (in my opinion) ridiculous religious/political/social justice viewpoints of my older Christian relatives (I still kind of feel that way, to be honest haha). So, you know... with that past I came into my current church very closed off and wary of other Christians who might hurt me again.
