Reasons to Not Self-Harm

[Fino]

So this what you have stopped?

What else?

Try getting candles, pouring hot wax on to yourself hurts, causes a red mark - no damage
You could also hold your hand above the flame..
(Harm reduction,still with similar use of pain)

Stopping altogether is likely better.



Did those years ago, didn't call it self harm but ''fun"

How do you feel after you've done it?

Calm, I guess.

That's the most recent one I've stopped. I've done many different things in the past, having self-harmed for over a decade, but in the last few years of it, it was only the lighter one. I did some of holding over the flame, but the gradual nature of the pain makes it less useful.

The problem with candles is the impracticability and conspicuousness. I've never tried it, but it seems you'd need to live alone.

Calm, "normal," able to think of things other than self-harm, anxiety, and death.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The problem with candles is the impracticability and conspicuousness. I've never tried it, but it seems you'd need to live alone.

Especially on a school break.. bring out the candelabra

So I guess you may start something else, not realise initially.
Then start thinking of it as a 'problem'

In a way, is it sort of A grade stimming?

Like the crack cocaine versus cannabis of stimming?

Calm, "normal," able think of things other than self-harm, anxiety, and death.

You tried meditation?

Not to take arms against a sea of troubles but becoming more of a silent witness to the mental process.
A positive habit of non judgmental distance.

 

[Fino]

Especially on a school break.. bring out the candelabra

So I guess you may start something else, not realise initially.
Then start thinking of it as a 'problem'

In a way, is it sort of A grade stimming?

Like the crack cocaine versus cannabis of stimming?



You tried meditation?

Not to take arms against a sea of troubles but becoming more of a silent witness to the mental process.
A positive habit of non judgmental distance.

I could see it framed as stimming when used as a response to being overwhelmed.

I forgot to mention a common factor which results in failing to refrain, which is the dissociation. Self-harm often returns reality for whatever reason. I wonder if that prevents it from being defined as stimming.

I meditate every night and is part of what helps me resist. I can go for what feels like a long time using healthy coping mechanisms. What to do when it never seems to end? At some point, it's just too long, and the reasons not to do whatever it takes to fix it become smaller and smaller.

Positive--I haven't partaken. Negative--I was sober for a little over a year and am currently not. Positive--I've returned to therapy.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment.

What if we haven't finished?

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I could see it framed as stimming when used as a response to being overwhelmed.

I forgot to mention a common factor which results in failing to refrain, which is the dissociation. Self-harm often returns reality for whatever reason. I wonder if that prevents it from being defined as stimming.

I meditate every night and is part of what helps me resist. I can go for what feels like a long time using healthy coping mechanisms. What to do when it never seems to end? At some point, it's just too long, and the reasons not to do whatever it takes to fix it become smaller and smaller.

Positive--I haven't partaken. Negative--I was sober for a little over a year and am currently not. Positive--I've returned to therapy.

Thanks to everyone who took the time to comment.

I have a Japanese script I hung on the wall halfway down my stairs. Which reminds me everyday.

Nana korobi ya ochi
seven times down,eight times up.

Which is kind of how it is.

Not beating yourself up about any of it , is important.

Easier then,when you fall, to get up.

 

[Gracey]

self-harm, anxiety, and death

.

Compose something just for yourself to capture the above ?

Start throwing the pain outwards through the keys.

Like, really throwing it out there and going for it.

Play ‘til you puke, kind of catharsis?

 

[Fino]

What if we haven't finished?

haha I meant to thank people earlier and it slipped my mind, but I didn't mean it to sound like I was telling people to stop saying whatever they'd like to say.

 

[Monachopia]

Not telling anyone solves this problem.

In some sense, true. I kept my cutting secret for years after starting at 13/14. No one knew. But, it did come out eventually and the extent of it upset those around me. They would start blaming themselves for not seeing the signs, for being blind to the pain I clearly was going through.
I stopped completely only about a year ago, but every time I did it, my partner never knew. The one time he spotted a cut, it really hurt him. I don't want to see him that hurt again, ever.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

In some sense, true. I kept my cutting secret for years after starting at 13/14. No one knew. But, it did come out eventually and the extent of it upset those around me. They would start blaming themselves for not seeing the signs, for being blind to the pain I clearly was going through.
I stopped completely only about a year ago, but every time I did it, my partner never knew. The one time he spotted a cut, it really hurt him. I don't want to see him that hurt again, ever.

Yeah same thing happened to me, I hid it for years and that made it worse when people found out, they felt terrible for not noticing, it was awful.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Yeah same thing happened to me, I hid it for years and that made it worse when people found out, they felt terrible for not noticing, it was awful.

Strange how them 'feeling terrible for not noticing' was a concern.

How high did the self-harming rank?

I guess it's the way they expressed it.

You were hiding it. How would they know?

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Strange how them 'feeling terrible for not noticing' was a concern.

How high did the self-harming rank?

I guess it's the way they expressed it.

You were hiding it. How would they know?

I'm confused as to your point... They felt terrible for not noticing because I had been suffering from severe depression and mutilating myself for years, they loved me and felt responsible for my wellbeing... Of course they felt guilty

 

[Fino]

I've experienced something like that multiple times.

A therapist once told my parents, saying she was obligated to do so, and my parents said it wasn't true and never spoke of it.

Someone I dated told me I had to stop, I said okay, did it anyway, and when he he found out he chased me down the street. Good thing I'm fast, and he was out of shape.

A friend became nauseous when he found out. I sort of wish I was that repulsed by it.

I've never had others blame themselves though.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I've just recently noticed that nearly all religions involve some kind of self-harm, like fasting or being nailed to a cross. But if a person commits self harm non-religiously it's both psychologically and physically wrong. You can end up things like unsightly scars, serious infections. You could even end up accidentally killing yourself.

 

[Mia]

I've just recently noticed that nearly all religions involve some kind of self-harm, like fasting

Never thought of it that way. Fascinating.

 

[Mia]

or being nailed to a cross

Religious joke, hope no one is offended.

Wonder how Jesus would feel if after resurrection he returned and saw crosses everywhere.

 

[Fino]

Religious joke, hope no one is offended.

Wonder how Jesus would feel if after resurrection he returned and saw crosses everywhere.

Lol! I never thought of that! Triggers everywhere! He sees a therapist, "I can't escape it! Can't I go a minute without thinking about that day?"

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Lol! I never thought of that! Triggers everywhere! He sees a therapist, "I can't escape it! Can't I go a minute without thinking about that day?"

Bill Hicks joke cut from the letterman show.

 

[Fino]

Bill Hicks joke cut from the letterman show.

I figured it must have been told a few times already but how sad to cut a joke!

 

[SusanLR]

Makes me think of the song One Tin Soldier.
"...go ahead and hate your neighbor, go ahead and cheat a friend,
do it in the name of heaven, you can justify it in the end.."

Think of the things that create wars, hate, killing in the world.
Money, power, and sadly racism or religious conflicts.

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

I've just recently noticed that nearly all religions involve some kind of self-harm, like fasting or being nailed to a cross. But if a person commits self harm non-religiously it's both psychologically and physically wrong. You can end up things like unsightly scars, serious infections. You could even end up accidentally killing yourself.

Jesus being nailed to a cross wasn't really self-harm, more a combination of capital punishment and ritual human sacrifice. That said, you make a good point, although I think other than fasting most religious practices for mortification of the flesh would be generally considered a sign of psychological disturbance outside of a minority of extreme groups. If the local vicar started suggesting self-flagellation to be rid of ones sins that would not be accepted as all fine and dandy. To quote a friend watching a documentary about catholic practises of mortification of the flesh: "what a bunch of whack jobs".