Rejection, Depression and Coping

[AutistAcolyte]

I've had a series of rejections recently, or things like rejection. Two women I was interested in both rejected me after a first date, I was recently turned down for a job for which I have relevant experience, and I love my friends, but fairly often I will try to plan to do something with them and nobody else wants to or they are unavailable.

All of this has led to the familiar creep of depression, spurred on by unhelpful rumination on these rejections. My depression brain is telling me that I'm single and unemployed and that I'll stay that way.

What I want to do is just sit at home by myself and do nothing, but I know that in the long run that won't help me. Instead, I try to focus on what I am doing. I'm an active volunteer at my church, I'm designing a table top game, I'm reading through a lot of classic literature (Dracula right now), I'm focusing on my fitness and health and have successfully kept a regular schedule at the gym for several months now.

I'm trying not to let what I know will be a temporary period of depression cast a shadow on everything else that I like about myself, and everything that I've worked on that I'm proud of myself for, but its difficult.

So, if anyone has any good tips for healthy coping mechanisms, let me know! For now, I think I need a nap.

 

[Rodafina]

Sorry to hear that @AutistAcolyte. It sounds like you are pretty self aware and that is a great start to be able to move past these hurtful experiences and not carry the pain with you for too long.

Humans are unpredictable. Any chance you can really lean in to the non-human things that make you happy? Perhaps hiking, being with animals, or doing an art or building project in addition to what you mentioned? I’m not saying you give up on wanting things related to other humans permanently. Maybe just for now in the wake of these difficult experiences, you could indulge in more predictable comforting things.

 

[FayetheAspie]

Spending time outdoors seems to help me when I start feeling down.

 

[Xinyta]

We all get that period of wanting to be away from humanity. And that's okay. It's a excuse to indulge your hobbies and things you enjoy. No matter how big or small.

As it sounds. You have plenty that can help distract you away from this spike of depression. Exercise is alway great for curing a low mood and a unmodivated mind. I always would reccomend doing a walk and looking at all the beauty around you. It makes dealing with negativity feel like such a small, unimportant thing.

 

[AprilR]

I like to watch tv shows and read books. It feels like getting out of my life and being someone else so it helps.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

Thanks everyone! I did a little reading while I smoked my pipe (I know it's unhealthy, but it's a simple pleasure) and spent some time just sitting watching the wind in the trees.

Then I got a message that some friends of mine who I don't get to spend much time with were getting lunch at a local bar, so I joined them. They brought their son who just turned 1 recently and we sat outside and had a really good lunch, and funnily enough when I mentioned what I was going through, the husband told me that they're always hiring for warehouse positions at his work, and that I could come by next week and meet the guy who runs the warehouse to see if it's an environment I'd be interested in.

Also, one of the women who never texted back after our first date works at that bar part-time. When I went in to order she was there and called my name and seemed very excited to see me, and mentioned that she and a mutual friend are planning on going out tonight and said she would text me if they did.

When I got back to the table, I told my friends what had happened, and they also seemed surprised by that interaction, and the wife told me that it could be that she was just in a strange place in life, and if she does end up texting me then she could be interested. I'm not holding out for a message, but I am still attracted to this woman and I thought we had a good connection, so it would be nice to see her again.

Hopefully this break in the clouds is just what I needed to shake off the oncoming storm, we'll see. I'll try to hold onto the good attitude.

 

[Shamar]

I've had a series of rejections recently, or things like rejection. Two women I was interested in both rejected me after a first date,

You actually get FIRST dates? I can't even get that far. You are doing well.

 

[AutistAcolyte]

You actually get FIRST dates? I can't even get that far. You are doing well.

Until recently i didn't. I didn't go on any dates until i was 29, and still haven't been on a second date with anyone (I've only been on three dates total). First dates aren't all they're cracked up to be; lots of wondering "what's wrong with me, i thought that went well!"