Replaying social interactions of the day, and from further back

[xudo]

Yes I've always done this.

It's worse after social interactions where I am more anxious than usual.

Same for me too. I'm always really harsh on myself, and I read too much into things people have said to me or the way they've said things because I'm not always good at telling if people are being sarcastic or mean. Sometimes I take things people have said, or the way they've said something the wrong way and I'll ruminate on them, or think endlessly about something I've done or said that maybe was wrong or could have been taken the wrong way. I will randomly remember things from many years ago and overthink those too.

 

[Nason]

I am a HUGE fan of the Schrödinger's Cat.

 

[Veronica VanCleave-Hunt]

I have done this as far back as I can remember.

At some point I find myself replaying events of the day in my head. I am a very harsh critic of my behavior. If an interaction did not go well (in my opinion), or if it was unpleasant, I can have a physical reaction: I grimace, and actually recoil or flinch in shock/horror/whatever.

I have also had this reaction when remembering events from long ago.

Curious who else does this.

I do that too and can relate to what you said. I wonder why this happens?

 

[Progster]

Yes, I do this - I tend to worry, over-think, over-analyse, in order to understand and process the conversation.

 

[Mark Smith]

I do this often. There are certain events/things people have said to me in the past that still bother me up until this day.

 

[HeyBroadway]

I used to do this all the time. It felt pretty terrible, because the more I ruminated, the less I understood. Friendships used to freak me out. I never knew how we stood from day to day. I felt like somehow the friendship reset every day, so just because we left on good terms the day before, I still had to somehow establish what terms we were on the next day.

And if I wasn't replaying social interactions in my head I was scripting new conversations with my friends, alone. I'd have complete imaginary conversations in my head with them. I tried to explain it to a friend once and she was really intrigued but didn't get it.

 

[Judge]

It's a process I find increasingly annoying, yet every bit as difficult to stop. Where while it happens, it's not particularly helpful reliving mistakes of the past over and over. Mostly because they involve issues I cannot resolve, involving people that are long gone from my life.

I have to work at talking myself out of such thoughts. Been there, worked them out as much as I could and there's just no point in rehashing them over and over.

 

[Jeremiah ayers]

I have done this as far back as I can remember.

At some point I find myself replaying events of the day in my head. I am a very harsh critic of my behavior. If an interaction did not go well (in my opinion), or if it was unpleasant, I can have a physical reaction: I grimace, and actually recoil or flinch in shock/horror/whatever.

I have also had this reaction when remembering events from long ago.

Curious who else does this.

wow I have done this for as long as I can remember .to the tee you just said who i am in not alone for once I don't feel alone.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Ayup. This is my life.

I replay conversations because I don’t catch all the social cues, intents, and meanings when the conversation is live. I often leave a conversation wondering why someone said this or reacted that way. Afterward, I analyze everything and realize, “Oh, X was defensive!” Or “Y was subtly trying to divert the conversation to something else.”

And often, I realize well after the fact that I made some stupid social blunder. Like one time when my boss moved in from a different city and asked me where they should go to church - mentioning that his wife found their old church to be very cliquey. I said, “Most people that say that are those who sit back and wait for others to make them feel welcome, instead of getting up and getting to know people on their own.” He paused, blinked twice, and changed the subject. Hours later, reviewing it, I realized, “Well, crap. I think I just insulted my boss’s wife.” Years later, that one still stays with me. He was the first person to suggest I might be autistic, a few years before my diagnosis.

So after I make those blunders, I add more rules to my “filters” - all the tests that something has to pass before I say it: Is it kind? Is it true? Is it humor at someone else’s expense? Is it clean? Is it professional? Is it constructive and not just griping about a problem? Is it carefully phrased to avoid offending people? Is it giving away too much information about myself (especially considering anything I might have said previously)? Is it on topic? Is it going to open a can of worms? Is it going to lead to uncomfortable or awkward questions? Is it something they’ll want to hear? ...

I have a lot of filters - so many that sometimes, after I run something through all of them, the conversation has moved on and it’s too late to say what I have finally perfectly phrased in my head. I feel like a chess machine trying to play Pac-Man.