Sadness

[Mia]

But then I started to think, “I don’t rock back and forth, hand flap, twirl my hair, so I must not be on the spectrum.”.

Neither do I. Yet I do other things like dance around when I feel like it, which might be considered a stim. No one fits the exact description, it's only a guideline. Very few people are that stereotypical, that why it's a spectrum. One of my siblings rocked, another twirled their hair, another memorized hockey scores. They each seemed to have one or two traits only. Think it all depends on how you were brought up, your environment so to speak does have an effect. Dancing was okay for example in my family, but hand flapping was not, so I guess it all depends on how you may have been influenced as a child.

 

[SusanLR]

I had certain ideas of things I thought all on the spectrum did too, but I didn't. Also made me wonder at first.
Like I'm not good a math nor do I twirl my hair.
I like to rock, but in a rocking chair.
The skin picking mentioned is called excoriation.
This comes under anxiety issues mostly.
Like biting your lips or nails. Picking at scars or bumps on your skin until you make a sore. Guilty of that.
And anxiety around the clock is a common comorbid
issue. I had to find my own ways to deal with that.
Depression is common.
Textures of clothing, needing a soft blanket to sleep,
picky eater. All things I have also.

Happy things:
- Can hear things from far away. Trains, thunder.
- Remarkable eye for small details.

Yes to those to the point people notice and ask how I
do it. It's just the way I am and I never thought about
it.
And, yes, the animals.
I love relating to the animals and also find even the
wild life and especially birds aren't afraid of me.
I have eight frogs as pets that live in the pool enclosure.
Some might think that is an icky pet, but, I could write a book on the secret life of frogs. You'd be surprised how intelligent they are and relate to me like pets.
You love birds, so do I and they are very tame around me. Here is a photo of a beautiful Sandhill Crane that walked up to me in the yard one day.
I told him to wait so I could go get my camera.
Yes, I talk with the animals. He waited.

 

[Drakanav]

@Mia There was a video of me when I was 2, hand flapping in excitement on Christmas morning. I don't hand flap as of present, but I do have certain hand movements, like flicking my ring finger and rubbing my fingernail.

I guess you gotta ask yourself, "How do I feel when I do this stim? What is it helping?". Some stims can be noticeable, while some can be discreet. I've read some butt clench to a rhythm...

@SusanLR That bird is beautiful! It has those eyes... I'm going to the lake for my dads' birthday, and I'll be able to record more birds.
I talk to animals, too. I baby talk them .

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I still feel as if my posts are disorganized is some way. Or confusing.

 

[Suzanne]

I'm sorry you're going through this. It seems like it's very common for autistic people to have doubts, and I've dealt with it myself. For so long, the only kind of autism I knew was the narrow portrayal of it in the media, which I can't relate to at all. I definitely know the feeling of not being "autistic enough", and one thing that really helped me was watching female, autistic youtubers (Some of my favourite channels are: Anna Moomin, Invisible I, and Anja Melissa.) Maybe it will help you as well?

Regarding the medial portrayal of autism. That is what caused me to think that I cannot have it and then, like yourself, went on youtube and saw many who are diagnosed with aspergers and noted that they do not have expressionless faces or have a "autistic look" about them.

I do not have a monatoned voice. I do not have a non script face. Both of which are associated with aspergers. And this helped me so much.

 

[Mia]

@Mia There was a video of me when I was 2, hand flapping in excitement on Christmas morning. I don't hand flap as of present, but I do have certain hand movements, like flicking my ring finger and rubbing my fingernail.

Some of my childhood friends said that I waved my hands around a lot, but they attributed it to a cultural habit that I still sometimes do it when I'm excited. They assumed that because the french sometimes talk with their hands, or gesticulate quite a bit that was the reason. I do hand and finger movements often. Could be that it became unacceptable as we got older to do them, so that we fit in. Yet, I still do them, but not in public.

 

[Progster]

Everyday I have thoughts about if I’m really on the spectrum. It’s taking ahold of me. I notice everything about my behaviors, and questioning them. Then I’m thinking what if all of it is a lie. What if the stimming is a fake? I guess I don’t notice my social mistakes because I stay quiet.

I can relate to this - I have an official diagnosis, but I sometimes have doubts, when I read about ways people on the spectrum are different to me or more severely affected than me - for example, I read that someone needs sunglasses in the UK on a cloudy day - I don't, not on a cloudy day in the UK. Or that someone can hear electricity through the walls of their house - sure, I can hear appliances buzzing on standby, but not through the wall of the house. Then I am gripped by self-doubt and anguish, what if I'm not really on the spectrum? What if I'm just imagining these symptoms? Also, my diagnostic assessment was very short and I had no tests, just an interview, and that worries me, perhaps it wasn't thorough enough? Or perhaps I'm too 'normal' and not autistic enough to be considered to be on the spectrum and to warrant a diagnosis.

 

[Nick12]

NEVER NEVER GIVE UP ON YOURSELF I WISH YOU A VERRY VERRY HAPPY DAY