"When all that lifts the curse is to love someone for who they are and not what we demand they become for them." This is so complicated. This means you need to love her as a demanding, mean horror. I can't see that happening to anyone! Do we love Hitler for what he was meant to be? He died unloved for a reason.
To me, it's loving people at a distance, where it's safe. I love my Aspie Friends because they are far away. If you all were here, you would all (or most of you) confuse me. I would confuse you.
Yes, you are in a bind because you are attached. It is harsh reality . But it will not be forever. You May have a staggered time, in and out and in and out for years. You may be brave and cut it off, the heck with the consequences on you both.
That is what I have always had to do. I have to cut it off , but in my case, no one wants me back. They move on.
NTs move on, my friend. You may think she will die wihout you, but a harsh wake up is when, several years later you find an NT friend for whom you still ACHE and they don't even remember you or they are with someone else.
They may have fond memories. They may want to have sex with you. But you have deep profound feelings for them, yet they have shallow and predictable ones and they are doing fine.
You are as emotionally attached as she. Only in a different way.
You are right and I thank you for being honest.
I'm very stuck and I cant imagine how an NT can just walk away and forget people but they can it seems, where as I seem dedicated to honor the friendship (romance) until they do walk away, because my loyalty to my promise to them has me stuck. If she wanted free of me that would be great AND on top of that it would seem she would want to find REAL HAPPINESS in someone who is more suitable for her needs.
I'm just a provider of a nice home, nice cars, food, and all bills paid... I know thats all I am and in that none of what I provide is enough... Because someone always has something newer or better. Thats when I see how bad I am being used and I notice how nothing we have means anything because MORE is never enough.
I have separated all my personal banking and credit cards because of the horrible misuse of funds that was taking place. I also keep my distance and we are often not even in the same house anymore. I stay at my grandparents old house, while everyone trashes the nice house...
I would never do that to anyone...ever. I respect how hard people work for what they have. Example: It was very windy here yesterday and I went into town to the store and my door got away from me and banged into the car next to me. It did nothing to my door but it put a dent in the car beside me. I sat there and waited till this little old lady came out and I told her what I had done, and that I would pay to have it fixed... She looked at it and said, "Baby, If thats the worst dent this car is gonna get then I would have you fix it, but sadly I will do more than that, because I suck as a driver..." And she smiled and said, "Don't worry over that little dent, because I wont." It was a freaking new black Cadillac and I put a dent in the front passenger door. I was sick.
That is real life to me... We are obligated to do whats right and so many wont. If my wife had of been with me she would have demanded we leave, but I couldn't, and I wouldn't. If people respected each other to that degree, then we would ALL live very different lives...
In there somewhere, I am not truly living in this reality, but its what I long for, and hope for. Its also what seems to get me in these type messes. I look for something that is more rare white Rhino's when it should be the very essence of LIFE. I look for people who truly care about LIFE only to find they really only care about what they can take from others.
I'm attached to my honor... its all I have and even then others try and take it from me.
