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[Linda Night-owl]

I am the same in many ways. In fact I can become so obsessive about editing that I might re-read something I’ve just written 20 times and each time I do change it slightly but every time I read it always change it again.

Wow, I almost did a flip flop when I read that. That's exactly what I do. I read it silently and I also read it out loud, and no matter how many times I go over it there's always a word or phrase to change. You are also right that it tends to get formal and dry and loses some of it's spirit. The last thing I did to make my post more natural and give it more life was to add more details of my experiences in several places, with only very light editing. I never thought of my editing as an obsession, but it does tend to be, to the point that I have to force myself to stop.

I'm totally amazed that we don't know each other at all except for these messages, and yet you seem to know me so well, at least in this endeavor. It's uncanny!

 

[SimonSays]

I'm totally amazed that we don't know each other at all except for these messages, and yet you seem to know me so well, at least in this endeavor. It's uncanny!

I think it’s lovely, and interesting, and synchronous.

 

[Linda Night-owl]

Have you ever tried meditating?

I took some lessons on meditation, but that was at least 55 years ago so I don't remember much about it.

 

[SimonSays]

I never thought of my editing as an obsession, but it does tend to be, to the point that I have to force myself to stop.

Have you ever tried making an audio recording?

It can feel a little weird at first but if you have an idea of what you want to say and have a go at talking out loud perhaps even imagining who you’re talking to, but it doesn’t have to be, you may find you are able to speak more clearly then you can write. With a little practice you might actually find you like it.

I make audio recordings that I sometimes share as well as ones that I transcribe. The ones that I share don’t require editing at all, not that I would want to edit an audio recording but don’t require it. How can there be such a difference between speaking out loud and attempting to write what it is I had just said?

I Can speak fast or slow, pause or just let out a stream of consciousness, just let it out, just express it freely without censor just to see what comes out, just to know what it feels like to speak freely and then listen to it back, especially if it’s gone on a bit, just to hear what I said as a listener, because sometimes these things can go on for quite awhile once you get into it. It’s quite interesting to explore different modes of expression especially if you’ve never done it before.

 

[SimonSays]

I took some lessons on meditation, but that was at least 55 years ago so I don't remember much about it.

It’s really simple to practice and would help quiet things down a bit.

if you’re interested, I would suggest simply focusing on your breath, sitting comfortably in a quiet place when you’re not going to be disturbed and just noticing your breath, in and out, naturally, and if your mind drift and you’re not focusing on your breath just come back to it and keep doing it even if it feels Like your mind wants to go somewhere else just come back to your breath, in and out, and practise this for five minutes each day and see what happens.

 

[WolfSpirit]

Have you ever tried making an audio recording?

It can feel a little weird at first but if you have an idea of what you want to say and have a go at talking out loud perhaps even imagining who you’re talking to, but it doesn’t have to be, you may find you are able to speak more clearly then you can write. With a little practice you might actually find you like it.

I make audio recordings that I sometimes share as well as ones that I transcribe. The ones that I share don’t require editing at all, not that I would want to edit an audio recording but don’t require it. How can there be such a difference between speaking out loud and attempting to write what it is I had just said?

I Can speak fast or slow, pause or just let out a stream of consciousness, just let it out, just express it freely without censor just to see what comes out, just to know what it feels like to speak freely and then listen to it back, especially if it’s gone on a bit, just to hear what I said as a listener, because sometimes these things can go on for quite awhile once you get into it. It’s quite interesting to explore different modes of expression especially if you’ve never done it before.

I don't know about anyone else, but I have an extreme aversion to this sort of thing. (and really, speaking in general, though I've mostly gotten over that in relationships with people I know). It's a combination of numerous traumatic experiences, starting as a toddler, and autistic difficulties in comprehending and producing speech, language, and communication. Very complicated, maybe I'll start a different thread on the subject. I also have a strong aversion to hearing my own recorded voice (again, childhood trauma related).

 

[WolfSpirit]

It’s really simple to practice and would help quiet things down a bit.

if you’re interested, I would suggest simply focusing on your breath, sitting comfortably in a quiet place when you’re not going to be disturbed and just noticing your breath, in and out, naturally, and if your mind drift and you’re not focusing on your breath just come back to it and keep doing it even if it feels Like your mind wants to go somewhere else just come back to your breath, in and out, and practise this for five minutes each day and see what happens.

Again, not sure about anybody else, but because of respiratory coordination issues (and chronic lung disease issues) This sort of thing only makes things worse for me. I have to focus on my heartbeat instead if I'm going to do anything similar.

Oh, also realized that many of the typical 'grounding' strategies that are recommended are quite triggering/traumatic and counter productive for me due to crappy proprioception, and general NT cluelessness about the issue. I can also post about that in a separate thread if people are interested.

 

[SimonSays]

I don't know about anyone else, but I have an extreme aversion to this sort of thing. (and really, speaking in general, though I've mostly gotten over that in relationships with people I know). It's a combination of numerous traumatic experiences, starting as a toddler, and autistic difficulties in comprehending and producing speech, language, and communication. Very complicated, maybe I'll start a different thread on the subject. I also have a strong aversion to hearing my own recorded voice (again, childhood trauma related).

Hmmm...interesting. Well, nobody else has to hear it, and maybe you might not have the same reaction now as you once did. After all, you’re certainly not the same person who did.

 

[SimonSays]

I have to focus on my heartbeat instead

that would be fine

 

[WolfSpirit]

Hmmm...interesting. Well, nobody else has to hear it, and maybe you might not have the same reaction now as you once did. After all, you’re certainly not the same person who did.

Oh, trust me, I still do! The whole subject of my aversion to speech is something my current autism specialist and I are addressing, as well as the role of trauma in that, but it's something I'm having to approach very slowly and quietly with myself. If I didn't know her as well as I do now, we wouldn't be doing it at all. (in fact, the first two times she brought it up, I immediately rejected the whole notion. I surprised both of us by not doing so the last time, and actually hearing her out. It's been an interesting progression from there.)

 

[Linda Night-owl]

I don't know about anybody else, but I keep having a hard time recognizing COVID stress in my own life, because it is so subtle, and the basic scheme of my life hasn't really changed much. Also, my bar for 'high stress', I keep realizing lately, is so much higher, more extreme, than most people's.

And yes, I'd agree you've been under and incredible amount of stress in the recent past, so I would absolutely consider that! "autistic stress" as Amitta Shah terms it, is such a hard thing! Never mind the addition of things NTs would find stressful too!

I have never heard of Amitta Shah or"autistic stress", so I will have to do some research on them. Oh good, I've already found some videos by her. I love researching what has become my latest special interest.

 

[Linda Night-owl]

It’s really simple to practice and would help quiet things down a bit.

if you’re interested, I would suggest simply focusing on your breath, sitting comfortably in a quiet place when you’re not going to be disturbed and just noticing your breath, in and out, naturally, and if your mind drift and you’re not focusing on your breath just come back to it and keep doing it even if it feels Like your mind wants to go somewhere else just come back to your breath, in and out, and practise this for five minutes each day and see what happens.

Thanks. That seems easy enough, and in fact, that could tie into the breathing exercises my counselor told me to do, also to relieve stress, but with more mindfulness.

 

[Linda Night-owl]

Have you ever tried making an audio recording?

It can feel a little weird at first but if you have an idea of what you want to say and have a go at talking out loud perhaps even imagining who you’re talking to, but it doesn’t have to be, you may find you are able to speak more clearly then you can write. With a little practice you might actually find you like it.

I make audio recordings that I sometimes share as well as ones that I transcribe. The ones that I share don’t require editing at all, not that I would want to edit an audio recording but don’t require it. How can there be such a difference between speaking out loud and attempting to write what it is I had just said?

I Can speak fast or slow, pause or just let out a stream of consciousness, just let it out, just express it freely without censor just to see what comes out, just to know what it feels like to speak freely and then listen to it back, especially if it’s gone on a bit, just to hear what I said as a listener, because sometimes these things can go on for quite awhile once you get into it. It’s quite interesting to explore different modes of expression especially if you’ve never done it before.

I've never tried to record my voice. I'm always talking to myself, either in my head or out loud. I'll have to figure out a way to do it on my computer. I have a microphone somewhere. I'm kind of afraid to hear what I sound like to others. I may never speak again. LOL

 

[Wolfsage]

Oh, trust me, I still do! The whole subject of my aversion to speech is something my current autism specialist and I are addressing, as well as the role of trauma in that, but it's something I'm having to approach very slowly and quietly with myself. If I didn't know her as well as I do now, we wouldn't be doing it at all. (in fact, the first two times she brought it up, I immediately rejected the whole notion. I surprised both of us by not doing so the last time, and actually hearing her out. It's been an interesting progression from there.)

Have you tried music to relax?

 

[unperson]

As part of my alcoholism treatment I had to go to AA meetings. That's where I met him. He had a lot more sobriety than me, and for some reason he took a liking to me. It's the best thing that ever happened to me.

Awesome. Welcome to the forum.

 

[VictorR]

Welcome! As others have noted, you might find it helpful to jot things down as you prepare for your diagnosis meeting, if you end up pursuing that. I'm not very good at talking "on the fly" and often forget things or shut down.

 

[Linda Night-owl]

Welcome! As others have noted, you might find it helpful to jot things down as you prepare for your diagnosis meeting, if you end up pursuing that. I'm not very good at talking "on the fly" and often forget things or shut down.

Thank you! Yes, I will definitely do that. I have similar difficulties with speaking so I need the extra preparation.

 

[Mia]

Welcome to the forum Linda

 

[Linda Night-owl]

Welcome to the forum Linda

Thank you Mia!

 

[WolfSpirit]

Have you tried music to relax?

Absolutely! Music has been a lifeline for me for the last 30 some years! It's been my main form of emotional regulation as well. It also helps to give my brain a rest when I'm maxed out on language processing, and like with so many others, it helps put my brain back together when it's started short-circuiting, and am having sensory integration issues, and helps me perform motor tasks! And those are just the benefits off the top of my head, I'm sure there are many others. Needless to say, my music has been a mainstay of my life for a long time now. It has formed a significant part of my identity.