Self-Diagnosis: At what point do you decide you're an Aspie?

[balder]

I'm self-diagnosed, and I had a lot of doubts (after reading about it two years ago) till I get to this forum, where I had a lot of those "ah ha" moments. I guess I am too much introspective and I just couldn't identify many of my behaviors that were related to Aspergers. I wonder if that happenned to a lot of people here.

For example, it became soon obvious for me things like my temporary strong obsessions, lack of friendships, difficulty in expressing my own feelings or understanding other people's, etc., but I had no idea that I had so much trouble at looking at people's eyes until two months ago. I never thought that I was supposed to and that NT people could notice that. After a work mate mentioned that (he said I never look at people's eyes), I searched for it here... and I'm now trying to change this behavior.

Another thing is that only recently I realized that other aspies "talk to themselves" like I do. I had never paid attention to this particular behavior before.

I don't know about you guys, but I currently feel like I was betrayed by people around me during all my life, because they were aware of these behaviors long before me. If I knew about them before, I believe that my relationship with people could have been better at those disturbing times of school. But I had no idea that behaviors like "not looking towards someone" could make people think that I was bored or not interested. I was probably misunderstood my whole life without knowing why, and this is the most unfair part for us, aspies.

 

[HAL_0]

Same boat but part of me wonders if I'm actually a narcissist and choosing the Aspie label because it puts some of my traits in a better light (from my perspective). What if these meltdowns I sometimes experience (bouts of anger) are actually narcissist rage? Another expression I'm exploring is "humiliation rage" which could also explain my feelings. Like many the self-diagnosis has given my lifes hitherto confusing experiences "meaning" which has lifted a lifetimes burden off my shoulders. Unfortunately my insecurities/cynicism won't let me rest so I'm caught in the Catch 22 of (a) Do I get a formal diagnosis and risk my convenient crutch being kicked from under me or (b) muddle on and put up with the nagging doubt that I may actually be "a dreaded narcissist".

 

[SUM1]

I've done online tests and characteristic comparing, and I realised it's incredibly, incredibly likely that I have Asperger's syndrome, but I'm also getting an official diagnosis soon too. I'm 14 now, and I decided, just over half a year ago, that I must have it, but I've known of the existence of Asperger's syndrome for a good few years.