Hope this is proper forum.
I seem to be isolating myself from my family. So they say.
I have been struggling a LOT this year, with emotion, burnout, meltdowns and exhaustion.
At work it been 60-70 hour weeks, 6 or 7 days in a row. When I come home I am a withered shell of myself. I hide away in my studio/ garage and just paint or stare at my paintings. I can't cope with any further social interaction after 10 hours dealing with coworkers. I get home around 5-6 pm and stay isolated for 1-4 hours per day.
This is bothering my family at home. I feel like they just don't understand how much work takes from me, or how my autism is a struggle.
I had an anxiety attack that lasted from last Friday until Monday afternoon, constant heart flutters and stress feelings.
I can't discern if I am throwing a self pity party, or I am just taking care of myself the best I can.
I don't want to cut out my family from my life, but I don't want to be a short tempered jerk towards them when I need down time.
Any opinions on this dilemma?
I am not on the spectrum (though I can relate with many things the members here write about), but I just want to add that I do not think you are being self pitying at all Rocco. Or negative. You are a positive upbeat person, & always so supportive of everyone else.
You do need to take care of yourself before you can be there for your family. Just as it's said a person has to love themselves before they can truly love someone else; & as the flight attendants always remind, put your own oxygen mask on first before helping anyone else including your own children. Because we can't help anyone else if we are not okay.
You are doing so much for your family by working so hard & providing for them financially.
Anyone with your work schedule would need time to relax & unwind. Add in Aspergers & I think you are amazingly resilient for maintaining that schedule. The fact that you are concerned about neglecting your family on a personal social level shows how considerate & thoughtful you are as a person.
Young children can be selfish & self centered; it's part of being young & immature. It may be difficult for them to understand why you need to be alone for hours after work, but IMO it is just something they need to be told as a fact of life, & maybe you can allocate some special "Daddy" time to spend with them each weekend.
EDIT: After your schedule moves to 5 days .... until then every day is a work day.
As for the adults in your family, maybe they could read one or more of the books or resources about Aspergers so they can get a better understanding of how you feel after working these kinds of days & what you need to help you maintain your mental & physical health.
I can totally understand how your family may feel .... neglected, & literally missing you. But they need to learn that your lack of engagement after work is not due to lack of love or interest, nor for lack of trying hard enough. It is physiological & there is nothing you can do about it except to take the time to recharge your body & brain.
I hope your family can understand this better for you, & also fully know how much you love & are devoted to them.
I also hope your work schedule moves to 5 days soon. Work is a funny thing, feast or famine.
