Self regulation

[thejuice]

When I told my ex therapist that mindfulness should be taught at.school.she replied that most people just do it naturally. I thought I definitely don't do it naturally and I expect she is right that most people do. Which leads.me to think is it an autistic thing.not to be able to mentally rest or self regulate and is it one of the factors that leads to burnout?

 

[All-Rounder]

Strange, I don't understand. I read mindfulness is hard to obtain for many people. They don't do that exercise properly.

Maybe she meant being in the moment while living life. Some people have a lot of thoughts or draw judgements to what is around them, and anxiety which can contribute to not really being in the moment.

 

[thejuice]

I think she probably meant perhaps sitting on your comfy chair or favourite place and just check out for a bit. I never do that..

 

[Rodafina]

When I told my ex therapist that mindfulness should be taught at.school.she replied that most people just do it naturally.

I don’t think she is accurate. Even for what you described in post #3, having to learn these things is not something that should make us feel odd or deficient. The ways humans live their lives these days leaves many of having trouble staying in the moment.

I think your idea to teach it to children in schools is a great one. This may be slowly happening with the rise of social-emotional curricula.

 

[jsilver256]

Mindfulness is a lot more than checking out. It is about recognizing limits so that you don't melt down, binge, or do other undersiable behavior.

 

[thejuice]

I'm always running away from emotions and bodily sensations.. then it all splurges out in a socially undesirable manner.. so I isolate a lot, which is pretty painful and requires lots of distractions

 

[All-Rounder]

Mindfulness is a lot more than checking out. It is about recognizing limits so that you don't melt down, binge, or do other undersiable behavior.

Oh I see, being self-aware and in touch with your emotions and instincts/urges. People go to therapy to learn that.

thejuice:

so I isolate a lot, which is pretty painful and requires lots of distractions

If I didn't look at desirable things like trees I would be much more stressed. Or play with bushes.

One of these days I took a nap in the warm sun leaning back on city's bushes and looking at the next bushes that weren't leaned in beside me, trees and crows, they are so comfortable omg. I'm lucky no cop came over to tell me off, only some taxi drivers to make sure I'm alright lol, it doesn't normally happen ppl do that. A man smiled at me, he knew I was relaxing. I could see the buses in the bus station too without being in the crowd and I got not too much or too little sun like in the station. So goood

I take good care of myself, sometimes when I try to cool my body down people come over to check if I'm not overheating or passing out or when I take a break and sit down in weird areas. I try to thank them for checking on me.

 

[Mr. Stevens]

When I told my ex therapist that mindfulness should be taught at.school.she replied that most people just do it naturally. I thought I definitely don't do it naturally and I expect she is right that most people do. Which leads.me to think is it an autistic thing.not to be able to mentally rest or self regulate and is it one of the factors that leads to burnout?

If more people used mindfulness, then so many probably wouldn't go to porn, apps, and websites to distract themselves, or struggle with substance abuse, shopping, and other escapes. There would not be so much fear of missing out. So, I don't think many people are mindful.

My understanding is that mindfulness is about being more aware and, with time, getting rid of illusion. For example, realizing all life is change and there are no such things as birth and death. Just constant change. America's adoption of mindfulness seems more like a way of recognizing emotion and talking yourself out of it, as some misguided way of accepting its impermanence--when you're not accepting the emotion at all. I think this is why businesses were so eager to promote mindfulness. It made them look healthy, but being mindful would never make you want to work in an office or factory.

We can absolute mentally rest and self-regulate. We are just often in overwhelming situations and held to an unrealistic standard. Most of the language around Autism comes from non-Autistic people, after all. Focus on acknowledging your emotions and thoughts instead of running from them. Give yourself time to get used to this, because it's not a race. Life will always have more challenges, but you will also feel more peace over time. When you exercise, some days will be great, and others you're sore. You can't make a lot of progress every day, so be patient.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

When I told my ex therapist that mindfulness should be taught at.school.she replied that most people just do it naturally. I thought I definitely don't do it naturally and I expect she is right that most people do. Which leads.me to think is it an autistic thing.not to be able to mentally rest or self regulate and is it one of the factors that leads to burnout?

Having worked with the public for the past 40+ years, mindfulness, self-discipline, self-regulation is something that must be consciously applied. It's very much like masking. At work, for example, you can't be "yourself" because you are a representative of the company, and it's when the employee "breaks" that the customer gets upset, wants to complain, and may ultimately lead to that employee being fired. Another way to think of it is that it is very much part of a "cultural-social experience". We behave a certain way based upon the expectations of that environment. In specific circumstances, yes, it can be mentally exhausting.

Where I think that autistics can have some disadvantage or difficulty here is that, (1) depending upon your mental maturity, your intellect, your upbringing, and your autism variant, there can be a tendency to operate on an emotional level, which is the antithesis of operating on a logical level, (2) you might not be cueing in on the cultural and social aspects of hierarchy and "your place or role" in a given situation, (3) if your excitatory-to-inhibitory neurotransmitters are in a predominantly excitatory imbalance, you are more likely to express "stimming behaviors", frustration, anger, and emotional outbursts when others or the situation demand rapid flipping from one task to another, multiple people trying to talk to you, disruptions in the flow of thought, etc., and (4) most of us are trying to mask our autism in public anyways.

It is not uncommon, at certain points in our lives that multiple situations arise that ultimately add one stress upon another upon another, and finally, our brains become so exhausted that our abilities to "maintain composure" begin to fail, our abilities to think logically fail and we become more emotional, our sensory issues come forward, our abilities to mask fail, and we "become more autistic".

It's a miserable feeling, this "autistic burnout". This hyperawareness of our condition can lead to further depression, self-deprecation, jealousy, envy, anger, frustration, suicidal ideation, "I'm such a failure.", "I will never have,...", the whole spiraling down. We see a lot of threads like this on the forums when people get into this mode of thought and I find myself not replying now-a-days because I know now that the more you talk about it, the more the situation becomes amplified. This idea that we should talk about our problems is, as I am discovering, counterintuitive. For many, it just makes it all worse. I can be empathetic to the situation, but expressing that empathy, "I am so sorry for,..." amplifies it. If you try to give helpful suggestions, then sometimes the person is just looking for emotional support, and is not looking for someone to "fix the situation". It's a minefield. As they say, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." or "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

You really have to be selective and think about how you are giving support to someone.

 

[thejuice]

Oh I see, being self-aware and in touch with your emotions and instincts/urges. People go to therapy to learn that.



If I didn't look at desirable things like trees I would be much more stressed. Or play with bushes.

One of these days I took a nap in the warm sun leaning back on city's bushes and looking at the next bushes that weren't leaned in beside me, trees and crows, they are so comfortable omg. I'm lucky no cop came over to tell me off, only some taxi drivers to make sure I'm alright lol, it doesn't normally happen ppl do that. A man smiled at me, he knew I was relaxing. I could see the buses in the bus station too without being in the crowd and I got not too much or too little sun like in the station. So goood

View attachment 134230

I take good care of myself, sometimes when I try to cool my body down people come over to check if I'm not overheating or passing out or when I take a break and sit down in weird areas. I try to thank them for checking on me.

Ive had someone assume i was passed out before when i was lieing down in a weird area!

 

[Mary Terry]

Having worked with the public for the past 40+ years, mindfulness, self-discipline, self-regulation is something that must be consciously applied. It's very much like masking. At work, for example, you can't be "yourself" because you are a representative of the company, and it's when the employee "breaks" that the customer gets upset, wants to complain, and may ultimately lead to that employee being fired. Another way to think of it is that it is very much part of a "cultural-social experience". We behave a certain way based upon the expectations of that environment. In specific circumstances, yes, it can be mentally exhausting.

Where I think that autistics can have some disadvantage or difficulty here is that, (1) depending upon your mental maturity, your intellect, your upbringing, and your autism variant, there can be a tendency to operate on an emotional level, which is the antithesis of operating on a logical level, (2) you might not be cueing in on the cultural and social aspects of hierarchy and "your place or role" in a given situation, (3) if your excitatory-to-inhibitory neurotransmitters are in a predominantly excitatory imbalance, you are more likely to express "stimming behaviors", frustration, anger, and emotional outbursts when others or the situation demand rapid flipping from one task to another, multiple people trying to talk to you, disruptions in the flow of thought, etc., and (4) most of us are trying to mask our autism in public anyways.

It is not uncommon, at certain points in our lives that multiple situations arise that ultimately add one stress upon another upon another, and finally, our brains become so exhausted that our abilities to "maintain composure" begin to fail, our abilities to think logically fail and we become more emotional, our sensory issues come forward, our abilities to mask fail, and we "become more autistic".

It's a miserable feeling, this "autistic burnout". This hyperawareness of our condition can lead to further depression, self-deprecation, jealousy, envy, anger, frustration, suicidal ideation, "I'm such a failure.", "I will never have,...", the whole spiraling down. We see a lot of threads like this on the forums when people get into this mode of thought and I find myself not replying now-a-days because I know now that the more you talk about it, the more the situation becomes amplified. This idea that we should talk about our problems is, as I am discovering, counterintuitive. For many, it just makes it all worse. I can be empathetic to the situation, but expressing that empathy, "I am so sorry for,..." amplifies it. If you try to give helpful suggestions, then sometimes the person is just looking for emotional support, and is not looking for someone to "fix the situation". It's a minefield. As they say, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." or "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

You really have to be selective and think about how ou are giving support to someone.

Well said and much food for thought.

 

[Judge]

Mindfulness being akin to executive functioning via cognitive flexibility. Especially valuable in real-time. Some have it, and some don't.

Have to agree with others, masking is a good example. To be able to quickly adjust to the circumstances of one's immediate environment. Not always easy, either.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

It's a miserable feeling, this "autistic burnout". This hyperawareness of our condition can lead to further depression, self-deprecation, jealousy, envy, anger, frustration, suicidal ideation, "I'm such a failure.", "I will never have,...", the whole spiraling down. We see a lot of threads like this on the forums when people get into this mode of thought and I find myself not replying now-a-days because I know now that the more you talk about it, the more the situation becomes amplified. This idea that we should talk about our problems is, as I am discovering, counterintuitive. For many, it just makes it all worse. I can be empathetic to the situation, but expressing that empathy, "I am so sorry for,..." amplifies it. If you try to give helpful suggestions, then sometimes the person is just looking for emotional support, and is not looking for someone to "fix the situation". It's a minefield. As they say, "Damned if you do, damned if you don't." or "The road to Hell is paved with good intentions."

You really have to be selective and think about how you are giving support to someone.

Exactly.

Offering emotional support is important. Suggestions solicited can be helpful.

But…repeated interactions in the same old grooves only provide opportunities for the affected person to solidify his or her troubling position. Dig in even further as it were.

 

[thejuice]

I like advice, sympathy can actually make me irritated, especially if I'm anxious. It makes me feel out of control. It makes me think, is my life really that bad, should I be more worried?
I believe there is a bit of a miscommunication sometimes between the genders on that one. Holding space is different, that is a wonderful gift to give someone.

Criticism when I'm in distress? take cover
Also physical touch is a big no no

 

[thejuice]

If more people used mindfulness, then so many probably wouldn't go to porn, apps, and websites to distract themselves, or struggle with substance abuse, shopping, and other escapes. There would not be so much fear of missing out. So, I don't think many people are mindful.

My understanding is that mindfulness is about being more aware and, with time, getting rid of illusion. For example, realizing all life is change and there are no such things as birth and death. Just constant change. America's adoption of mindfulness seems more like a way of recognizing emotion and talking yourself out of it, as some misguided way of accepting its impermanence--when you're not accepting the emotion at all. I think this is why businesses were so eager to promote mindfulness. It made them look healthy, but being mindful would never make you want to work in an office or factory.

We can absolute mentally rest and self-regulate. We are just often in overwhelming situations and held to an unrealistic standard. Most of the language around Autism comes from non-Autistic people, after all. Focus on acknowledging your emotions and thoughts instead of running from them. Give yourself time to get used to this, because it's not a race. Life will always have more challenges, but you will also feel more peace over time. When you exercise, some days will be great, and others you're sore. You can't make a lot of progress every day, so be patient.

I can do a guided meditation where I acknowledge thoughts and feelings etc. To do that without the guide feels too much, I'm just not able to tolerate the anxiety right now. My default mode is distraction and keeping mentally busy in a brain fog.

I've realised ive probably had three massive autistic burnouts. To the point where a change is not just preferable, it's essential for survival.

 

[FilterFreq]

I would also agree that most of these things don't come naturally.

Weirdly though, some people don't respond the same way to mindfulness or meditation and need alternate approaches. There's a current belief in our society that sitting down and practicing mindfulness will cure mental ailments (and even physical ones, depending on who you ask) but this can be a little on the deceptive side. Just because it works for a lot of people doesn't mean it's a cure-all or one-size-fits-all solution.

There are loads of things that could be taught in school that are generally ignored, though. Take kindness, compassion, or common sense for example. Mostly it's just about regurgitating information just long enough so that you can pass a test on it, then forget everything, rinse and repeat. It's basically just a parlor trick