share a funny story

[Pats]

My (ex) and I were just sitting on the porch one day and there was one of those big wiring spiders with it's web on the post and fence around the porch - we both knew it was there was just wasn't going to disturb it. I had walked over to look at some flowers growing next to the porch and stuck my head right into the web. My husband was cracking up laughing at me and I was jumping all over the place saying ,"I don't even know why I did that." Things settled down and he got up and leaned over the fence, sticking his head right into the web, too, Maybe the spider had a secret message written in the web - 'STICK HEAD HERE'.

 

[sidd851]

When I was very young, maybe 7 yrs old, I used to play with a boy who lived up the street. We'd make our way to the ballfield, and be not quite old enough to think up creative ways to get into trouble.

One day, just sitting talking, we noticed a groundhog nibbling the grass on the field.
Well, we decided that this was a wonderful opportunity to catch a real, live groundhog.
(Oh, my, am I ever glad that didn't really pan out.)
There wasn't(to our thinking) anywhere for it to go.
So, in a complex, stealthy pincer-movement,
we converged on the groundhog.
It must've been really enjoying that grass, because we were able to get quite close.
When it finally looked up, it panicked, turned for the only "cover" it could see, and broke for it.
We hollered aloud, and set to chase.

The "cover" was a stand of trees by the entrance road. We had him!
There was no-where for him to go.

We converged on him and...
Imagine our surprise when this groundhog
Ran straight up one of the trees,
some 40' in the air, and sat there, breathing hard and watching the two of us.

To this day I've never seen anything like it.

 

[Bedlamite]

The following episode, as it happened, reveals a comic drama as it unfolds but also includes some of the common responses from NTs towards aspie’s due to cultural ignorance and lack of understanding.

I was about fifteen years old, youngest of three boys. My oldest brother was in Vietnam. The family “at home” was sitting at the dinner table which was situated in a small alcove attached to the kitchen. I sat at one end of the table, my father was at the other end. Mom was sitting on the outer portion of the table with her back to the kitchen and my other brother was sitting across from her, confined in the alcove. Since the table area was so small there were extra dinner items located in the kitchen area that would not fit at the table, such as the pitcher of ice tea. The mood was nonchalant. My brother asked me to get him some more iced tea, since he could not being positioned in the alcove as he was. But when he asked, he spoke in a smart-ass manner; “Could you get me some more pee?” Unexpressively, and with my usual deadpan expression, I took his glass and glanced toward my mother, and with an inflective tone said “OK! If that is what you really want.” (Note: My mother & I were at enmity with one another because “subconsciously”, she was psychologically abusive toward me because my Asperger’s traits were always in conflict with her level of intellectual comprehension. Growing up with Asperger’s Syndrome in a home environment before the disorder was identified, was difficult as some young folks today are learning.)

I then walked to the other side of the kitchen for his refill. In accordance with his “smart-ass” mood, I held the glass very low in my left hand while from a higher angle, with the utmost precision and coordination, slowly poured the tea into the glass. The resulting sound was that of someone urinating into a toilet.

My mom, expecting the worst, nearly broke her neck as she whipped around in her chair to correct me for what she thought was one of my uncouth antics. My dad, because he could actually see what was happening, nearly fell out of his chair laughing. Needless-to-say, when I returned to my place and handed my brother his refilled glass of tea, my mother had that fuming gaze of vindictiveness, on her face as if to say; “I’ll get you later!”

 

[ftfipps]

A friend of mine worked at an ice cream store when we were in high school. One time a customer asked him if they buttered the buns there. His manager popped his head out from around the corner and said "we butter all of our buns." We about died.

This one time I was on the phone with a job recruiter. She was a nice middle aged lady, I forgot her name, this was years ago. We were working out the specifics of the job. She told me how much I would get paid. Finally, she asked me if I understood all the details. I said yes. She goes, "how about yes ma'am?"I was completely caught off guard. I mean, this was a job recruiter, not a judge deciding my future. I thought I was being polite enough as it was. If I could do hear me do the voice it makes it even funnier.

 

[UberScout]

Once, our house got overrun by ants and roaches, and the basement got flooded. We had to camp out at a friends house, in a tent in their backyard (their house was really small, it only had basically a living room, kitchen and two bedrooms, and no room to sleep in the living room). Before we went there after he told us it was okay for us to say, and got it ready for us, we were starving and decided to eat McDonalds, to save money. We went inside to eat, and my little sister Sophia, who was maybe six at the time, wanted us to sit next to a touch-screen game system they had installed into the wall, where kids can play simply puzzle games and stuff while they eat. I decided to be a big brother to Sophia and played a game with her; it was a very simple game where two people worked together to fit simple basic shapes into their respective holes.
It was a no brainer, but I had realized something, with my extensive knowledge of electronics;

The game was so easy (obviously) and was so simple to play, because it was very poorly coded and was really buggy. Of course, this didn't matter for kids about maybe five or six, all they're concerned about is fitting shapes into holes with this game. But what I noticed was that sometimes, even though I'd put a square over a square hole, it wouldn't always snap to it and sometimes took a few tries.

Maddog was sitting right next to me, and for some reason decided I wasn't doing it "right", and "showed me" what to do. While this didn't offend me, I was a little confused as to why something as simple as matching shapes seemed non-trivial to Maddog, and I found myself blurting out "Dang it Maddog, I know all my shapes!"

You guys know how high-functioning Autism means you're like, really intelligent to everyone around you?

I may have shot myself in the foot with this, because my mother, Maddog himself and Sophia all burst out laughing. I was kind of embarassed, but it was a little funny to me, too. I mean it's not every day you're fired from MATCHING SHAPES TOGETHER.

 

[GrownupGirl]

My mom just recently retired, but she worked for many years at a place that recycles scrap metal. Even in this day and age some people thought it was bizarre for her to have such a job because she's a woman. One time she went to a store that made customized pocket knives to pick one that was supposed to be for herself to use at work, but the person in the store kept assuming the knife was for my father and not her, they even asked if she'd like her husband's name engraved on it. My mom tried to explain that the pocket knife was not a gift and it wasn't for my dad or any other man, but for herself, but the message didn't seem to get through the person's skull. I don't know how I'd keep my cool if I were in a similar situation. It would be all I could do not to yell out that there's a sexist pig working in the store.