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Share good puns and jokes.
- Thread starter Mads
- Start date
The doctor, in between patients, paused by the elevator to fill out some forms. He reached in his pocket & started writing with the end of a glass rectal thermometer.
"Then that means some --- ---- has my pen!" he said.
All my memes are on my laptop which is dead for the time being until I can change the screen. I dropped a typewriter on it by mistake & flattened it. So here's something written up-
A traveling salesman was selling prefabricated outhouse kits; one-holers for $200 and two-holers for $275--sold quite a few by guaranteeing them not to smell.
A few months later he was going back through and was confronted by a customer who threw a burlap sack over his head and dragged him into the forest, muttering something about falsehoods and salesmen and outhouses.
The sack was pulled off and he found himself on the brink of the seat, fixing to go down the hole headfirst, when he thought fast & asked what this was about.
"You said these wouldn't stink," the customer growled.
"Of course it stinks, you idiot; look what you've done in it!"
The neighbor isn't the brightest man in the world. One time his wife had triplets & he went running out of the house with a shot-gun to kill the other two guys.
Ever feel dumb? At least you're not like the ____'s kids--
--one of whom thought a rebuttal was a set of implants,
--one of whom took up cards hearing an Englishwoman played bridge & lost sixty pounds,
--one put two layers of screen in a door, big screen to keep out big flies and little screen to keep out little flies,
--one of whom threw a cigarette-butt down an elevator shaft, but died when he tried to step on it,
--one of whom lost a job at a tailor's--every time someone brought her a shirt that needed a button, she sewed up the hole,
--and one of whom got upset that a match wouldn't light, saying that it lit up perfectly well the first time.
A traveling salesman was selling prefabricated outhouse kits; one-holers for $200 and two-holers for $275--sold quite a few by guaranteeing them not to smell.
A few months later he was going back through and was confronted by a customer who threw a burlap sack over his head and dragged him into the forest, muttering something about falsehoods and salesmen and outhouses.
The sack was pulled off and he found himself on the brink of the seat, fixing to go down the hole headfirst, when he thought fast & asked what this was about.
"You said these wouldn't stink," the customer growled.
"Of course it stinks, you idiot; look what you've done in it!"
The neighbor isn't the brightest man in the world. One time his wife had triplets & he went running out of the house with a shot-gun to kill the other two guys.
Ever feel dumb? At least you're not like the ____'s kids--
--one of whom thought a rebuttal was a set of implants,
--one of whom took up cards hearing an Englishwoman played bridge & lost sixty pounds,
--one put two layers of screen in a door, big screen to keep out big flies and little screen to keep out little flies,
--one of whom threw a cigarette-butt down an elevator shaft, but died when he tried to step on it,
--one of whom lost a job at a tailor's--every time someone brought her a shirt that needed a button, she sewed up the hole,
--and one of whom got upset that a match wouldn't light, saying that it lit up perfectly well the first time.
Anyone who has worked in customer service will appreciate this one....
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