Share good puns and jokes.

[Crossbreed]

How many countries have a "4th of July?"

Spoiler: Answer

They all do.

 

[SnowTiger20]

ObiWan Kanobi tells Darth Vader:"Nice suit,must have cost you an arm and a leg "

Look at that Van Gogh!!

Occasionally in the Caribbean there's a total calypso the sun.

 

[OrSomething]

How do you get down from a tree?
You don't. You get down from a duck.

What did Luke Skywalker say to the bullies who were bullying his sister?
"Don't Leia finger on her."

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I introduced my girlfriend to my family today. The kids loved her but my wife seemed mad.

 

[Aeolienne]

What did Big Ben say to the Leaning Tower of Pisa?
I've got the time if you've got the inclination.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

I crossed the street, walked into a bar and changed the light bulb.

Then I realised my life is a joke...

 

[Crossbreed]

This just in: Someone came in and stole all of the toilet seats from the local police station. The police are investigating, but they have nothing to go on...

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Protons have mass?! I didn't even realise they were Catholic!

 

[Aeolienne]

I heard an ice-cream van in Birmingham playing the Match of the Day theme. Bet they serve Aston Vanilla.

 

[Crossbreed]

What do you get when you divide a pumpkin's circumference by its diameter?

Spoiler: Answer

Pumpkin pi!

 

[Progster]

How did the accountant relieve his constipation?

He worked it out with a pencil!

 

[tducey]

I saw a midget buying a stepladder the other day. I asked him what he was buying it for, he said to put up baseboards.

 

[Metalhead]

Why do plebotomists buy red pens?

So they can draw blood.

 

[Progster]

What is red black red black red black red black red black etc?

A zebra with sunburn.

 

[Aeolienne]

What's the difference between a bad marksman and a constipated owl?
One shoots but can't hit...

 

[Crossbreed]

An elderly woman lived on a small farm in Canada, just yards away from the North Dakota border. Their land had been the subject of a minor dispute between the United States and Canada for years.

The now widowed woman, lived on the farm with her son and three grandchildren.

One day, her son came into her room holding a letter. "I just got some news, Mom," he said. "The government has come to an agreement with the people in North Dakota. They've decided that our land is really part of the United States. We have the right to approve or disapprove of the agreement. What do you think?"

"What do I think?" his mother said. "Sign it! Call them right now and tell them we accept! I don't think I could stand another one of those Canadian winters!"

 

[Mr Allen]

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Doctor!
Doctor Who?
You just said it!

 

[Aeolienne]

What's the difference between a depressed modern art collector and a man with Greek bread in his underpants?
One's feeling bitter about his Pollocks...

 

[Ang]

Why did the doctor leave his practice? He lost his patients.

 

[Metalhead]

I went to the library to ask for a book about Pavlov's dog and Schrodinger's cat. The librarian said it rang a bell, but she was not sure if it was there or not.