The manager seems to be very immature — I genuinely thought that she was younger. And it is unprofessional to “trash talk” (thanks @Gerontius for a new word =D) about a worker to a patron. This is not flirting. She just causing trouble.
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Should I be confident that this manager at a restaurant into me?
- Thread starter EnvelopesAndPaper
- Start date
EnvelopesAndPaper
New Member
What are some possible things she could want from me besides normal dating?
EnvelopesAndPaper
New Member
I dont consider the trash talking to be flirting in of its itself. She flirts in other manners. I think shes trying to get me to lose interest in the other girl.
Your perceived money or property for starters.
Duncan74
Well-Known Member
I'd really suggest just moving on. There's a million things that could be at play here, and in reality trying to logically decode this off your recollection and retelling of a single conversation when there may be either little or no logic on the part of the other half of the conversation is a fairly pointless exercise. Other than to say in this case the two scenarios of 'interest' are :
She's the one for you, you meet, you talk, you live happily ever after, and
Not that.
And the chances of the first are zero based on the info provided.
Now that being said, that personal assessment is based on life experiences, and you know what, we've all been there, all got the funny stories to tell of these bad and failed attempts, so be a bit hypocritical to say you shouldn't do something, but equally be careful, realise it's likely to end badly and fairly quickly, and so limit the amount you expose yourself emotionally and financially.
She's the one for you, you meet, you talk, you live happily ever after, and
Not that.
And the chances of the first are zero based on the info provided.
Now that being said, that personal assessment is based on life experiences, and you know what, we've all been there, all got the funny stories to tell of these bad and failed attempts, so be a bit hypocritical to say you shouldn't do something, but equally be careful, realise it's likely to end badly and fairly quickly, and so limit the amount you expose yourself emotionally and financially.
Aside from how unprofessional she is, she's putting someone down to make herself more likable toward you. That's a very bad sign and this behavior will only get worse the more involved you get.
She is manipulating you. Please beware. It is rare that forum members agree so wholeheartedly on something. I hope that our answers in this thread are telling to you.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation#next-steps
By adulthood, though, many adults grow out of manipulative tendencies and develop more subtle ways of achieving their goals, like being assertive and setting healthy boundaries, explains Masopust.
She adds that some people who have experienced broken relationships or traumatic incidents may learn to resort to behaviors like manipulation, aggression, or deceit to get their needs met.
“These behaviors are usually the individual’s attempt at maintaining power or control in a relationship, though they may not be aware of the damage they are causing to others,” says Masopust.
A consistent pattern of manipulation can often form in childhood, says Dr. Lee Phillps, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist in Virginia and New York.
For example, if someone learns early on that they can’t get their needs met directly, they may have to source other ways to feel safe emotionally, physically, and beyond.
“If a manipulative person grew up in a home characterized by competitiveness and conflict, this can carry with them into adulthood,” he explains. “If they were abandoned by a parent or a caretaker, they can crave attention as an adult and may manipulate to achieve it.”
Some mental health conditions and interpersonal styles can be associated with constant manipulative behaviors (though it’s also possible to still be manipulative without one).
Examples may include:
She adds that some people who have experienced broken relationships or traumatic incidents may learn to resort to behaviors like manipulation, aggression, or deceit to get their needs met.
“These behaviors are usually the individual’s attempt at maintaining power or control in a relationship, though they may not be aware of the damage they are causing to others,” says Masopust.
Why does someone become manipulative?
When it comes to the causes of persistent manipulative behavior, everyone’s story and motivations may be different.A consistent pattern of manipulation can often form in childhood, says Dr. Lee Phillps, a psychotherapist and certified sex and couples therapist in Virginia and New York.
For example, if someone learns early on that they can’t get their needs met directly, they may have to source other ways to feel safe emotionally, physically, and beyond.
“If a manipulative person grew up in a home characterized by competitiveness and conflict, this can carry with them into adulthood,” he explains. “If they were abandoned by a parent or a caretaker, they can crave attention as an adult and may manipulate to achieve it.”
Some mental health conditions and interpersonal styles can be associated with constant manipulative behaviors (though it’s also possible to still be manipulative without one).
Examples may include:
- antisocial personality disorder (ASPD): using a fake persona to get into your circle
- borderline personality disorder (BPD): taking frantic efforts to avoid abandonment
- codependency: using strategies to “manage” people around you
- histrionic personality disorder (HPD): using appearance to acquire validation
- insecure attachment style: using a break-up as a test of someone’s loyalty
- narcissistic personality disorder (NPD): using projection to shift the blame to you
- substance use disorder (SUD): using an excuse to acquire funds for substances
Maybe it's just me but I would run like a river in spring. Run away. The way she is treating people, that is probably going to be the way she will treat you too. But if you like emotional rollercoasters and spicing things up with a little crazy drama, maybe ask her out for coffee.
Duncan74
Well-Known Member
I must admit that I was half waiting for someone to add a reply asking for her number ;-) Perhaps I've spent too much time on NT forums.
