Should I go to this?

[Owliet]

Perhaps you can compromise in a willingness to attend, yet also to prepare an "exit strategy" in the event it becomes overwhelming.

I’d have to make a few strategies, yes that’s a good idea.

 

[Judge]

I’d have to make a few strategies, yes that’s a good idea.

It's something I didn't do on select occasions, and wished I had. Rather than end up in a panic and so flustered that I didn't know which way to leave to get away from all the humanoids....

 

[VictorR]

Perhaps you can compromise in a willingness to attend, yet also to prepare an "exit strategy" in the event it becomes overwhelming.

This reminds me of one of my go-to ways to take a "time out" when I'm travelling in unfamiliar places - find and go to the closest McDonald's.

 

[Owliet]

Well, also considering that my support worker was pushing for me to be more independent, it’s possibly a good idea to try to find ways to prepare for any exit strategy needed also.

 

[Shevek]

If the cost of the ticket is not hard on you, go. You will either be glad you did, or glad you found out something recent about events and personal limits. If you leave early, you can probably make someone else very happy with the ticket. One evening I was just walking with a friend, and someone gave us two tickets to the planetarium.

 

[Owliet]

If the cost of the ticket is not hard on you, go. You will either be glad you did, or glad you found out something recent about events and personal limits. If you leave early, you can probably make someone else very happy with the ticket. One evening I was just walking with a friend, and someone gave us two tickets to the planetarium.

that is true — the ticket is not too much. If I left early, I wouldn’t be loss of money too much. It’s really up to personal limitations.

 

[Rodafina]

Owliet,
I’ve had a few different thought since you first posted.

For me, events like this are actually a very solitary affair. Going with a group would be hugely stressful for me, and I would prefer to attend some thing like this alone. Likely I would go as an observer, literally sticking to the fringes of the celebration and just taking it all in from afar. But, would this tick the box for being social? Is your goal and trying to be more social to actually connect with people?

If that’s the case, I wonder if this isn’t the best place to do that. If you were with another human, like a sibling, the interactions there would be limited due to chaos and noise, although you would have a shared experience. But if you are on your own, is the goal to socialize with strangers? I know that I wouldn’t do that. I would just be watching and enjoying the costumes and maybe the food.

After reading more about what you’ve written in this thread, it sounds like it would be more of a sensory challenge than a social challenge.

I can see that if you really wanted to go to this and there was something about it that was really drawing you in that it might be a good time to manage the sensory challenges with accommodations (your music, fidgets, exit strategies, etc.)

Something like this event draws me in for the photograph opportunities. Feels like it would be fun to attend as a photographer. Then, I guess the socializing would come in sharing the photographs, likely here, or with anyone else that would be interested. Sometimes having a purpose at events like these helps me. A costume also sounds like a great idea as well as a cheap ticket so that you wouldn’t feel bad if you just stayed for a little bit.

 

[Owliet]

But, would this tick the box for being social? Is your goal and trying to be more social to actually connect with people?

It depends on the people. I am not going with anyone, so even if sibling did not go with me, then I would be with people. Most people when it comes to events like this, they go with others. Obviously, I dont have that so it’s a lot more challenging to connect with people if I do go on my own. I’d also feel awkward…

If you were with another human, like a sibling, the interactions there would be limited due to chaos and noise, although you would have a shared experience. But if you are on your own, is the goal to socialize with strangers? I know that I wouldn’t do that. I would just be watching and enjoying the costumes and maybe the food.

That’s true, even expecting interactions to happen would be limited because of the chaoS. And being on my own, would be an added challenge that may be not workable and too much.

After reading more about what you’ve written in this thread, it sounds like it would be more of a sensory challenge than a social challenge.

Yes, it’s more sensory. I usually have plans for too much social interactions but sensory…it’s hard to plan for that type of thing. I admit, sometimes i feel like I am a mess.

there was something about it that was really drawing you in that it might be a good time to manage the sensory challenges with accommodations (your music, fidgets, exit strategies, etc.)

That’s true. But It was only mentioned to me that this was happening and if I was thinking of going. I said I would think about it. If I went, I’d really have to think about what strategies would help me. And remember to use them…sometimes I forget when I get too anxious.

One thing that has helped me a little, is to tell myself that I will get tired and it might be a little stressing, but that's ok because I will go home afterwards, eat some good food, maybe watch tv and just relax, have a good nights sleep and then everything will be fine.

Yeah, I see your point — having a plan set out would bring comfort.

Maybe it just sounds stupid but I used to get stressed when I went to an event and eventually became tired and worn out. I tried to fight it in a way, to not be worn out, and I just felt bad.

I feel like this whenever I go to a con for a whole weekend (3 days). Usually on day 2, I get tired and maybe a bit annoyed by things. Day 3, really tired and drained. I will fight it but I do get tired out and will crash by the end of it and often go home on the last day earlier than I would. Then I just feel bad about it All. I think it would happen for this more 10x because of the higher % of everything happening. It’s one of the reasons why I dont really go to concerts Or when I do go to them, which I think the last time I went was 10 years ago….its too much. I really wish and hope I can just get out of my comfort zone and just do all the things Without it being too much.

 

[Rodafina]

I usually have plans for too much social interactions but sensory…it’s hard to plan for that type of thing.

Yes! So true!

I admit, sometimes i feel like I am a mess.

I’m a mess, too.

I fully understand your concerns about going, but also the drive to challenge yourself. Tricky choice.

 

[Kitsuna]

The date and the way you described it on the first post had me thinking “that sounds a lot like Mardi Gras…”. Then clicked the Wiki link someone else posted and thought again “yup, a type of Carnival”.

Speaking as someone who has dealt with those kind of crowds and stimulation, I say I really understand the hesitation because it can be a lot. But if you can go at quieter times when there’s not so much overwhelm, I think it’s worth it. And I echo the suggestion to just have an exit strategy if too much.

 

[Owliet]

The date and the way you described it on the first post had me thinking “that sounds a lot like Mardi Gras…”. Then clicked the Wiki link someone else posted and thought again “yup, a type of Carnival”.

Speaking as someone who has dealt with those kind of crowds and stimulation, I say I really understand the hesitation because it can be a lot. But if you can go at quieter times when there’s not so much overwhelm, I think it’s worth it. And I echo the suggestion to just have an exit strategy if too much.

Yeah, I get that would be the thought. It pretty much is actually. =)

Yeah, the hesitation is something that starts usually when I think that I will do this but then I think about the “what ifs”. My fear is having a breakdown. I’ve had two of them so far this year, so I’m on a roll. If I can go somewhere quieter or have A plan like everyone has suggested, then maybe it would be okay — saying that though,I almost had a breakdown when I went to con last time, so maybe it would be a good idea to have a solid exit plan and actually use it or have the mind to go “use now“ /“abort mission”.

Nice that many relate to this though. =)

Yes! So true!


I’m a mess, too.

I fully understand your concerns about going, but also the drive to challenge yourself. Tricky choice.

Yeah, it’s one of the things that I know that I want To do — challenge myself but knowing that there are difficulties…Before covid, I once was talking with this girl who invited me to see Pink when she was here in Zurich. I was all for it, even said — yes, I would go and then immediately afterwards starting “abort abort mission” because I was thinking about the loud noises And everything. I get that she was disappointed. I was also — and I know that I messed up there too. I really admire those of us who can just go and do these things without too much

 

[Rodafina]

I also just want to add one more thought…

If you do go for it and you use one of your exit strategies, remember, that was part of the plan! No need to feel bad about it, or guilty, or like a failure. As you have heard from so many of us here this is a challenging event to attend for people like us and there is no shame in using the exit strategy.

 

[Owliet]

I also just want to add one more thought…

If you do go for it and you use one of your exit strategies, remember, that was part of the plan! No need to feel bad about it, or guilty, or like a failure. As you have heard from so many of us here this is a challenging event to attend for people like us and there is no shame in using the exit strategy.

Yes, that is something I would have to remember too. I usually do feel guilty after if something doesn’t work out — How did you know?=)

I may just go to the day event, I think that is enough. It is outside and if it gets too much, I can wear headphones and walk away to get a coffee or something or go to the zoo (some of it is free to walk around). May be a good plan there. I am not exactly a party animal.

 

[Uppity Creek]

My experience:
When I was a kid (in Cub Scouts) our pack had a small roadside carnival, just a few games. I ran one of them, and really enjoyed it. I did that for several years. Many years later, at age 18, I was asked to help out in a booth at our local carnival. That was in 1990, and I've helped out every year since. There's something about working at the carnival that makes it easier than just out there walking around. I feel much more comfortable. For perhaps 15 years now, my job has been to call Bingo. I can sit there chatting with the crowd, telling little jokes, and have a great time. As soon as I step down at the end of the night, the "other" me comes back.

So, perhaps you could consider being a volunteer? At least something to think about. It worked well for me!

 

[Luca]

Yes, that is something I would have to remember too. I usually do feel guilty after if something doesn’t work out — How did you know?=)

I may just go to the day event, I think that is enough. It is outside and if it gets too much, I can wear headphones and walk away to get a coffee or something or go to the zoo (some of it is free to walk around). May be a good plan there. I am not exactly a party animal.

I wish I lived near you, I would go with you and try to find ways to make you feel safe and comfortable!
I actually do enjoy nightclubs and I used to go to music festivals all the time when I was younger, so I definitely have the experience.

I agree with all of the others, have an exit strategy, and make sure you can get away if you start experiencing sensory overload or getting anxious.
Just going to the day event and going to the zoo sounds good

I also feel guilty if things don't work out. But, you have to remind yourself that you did try!
Small victories count too...

 

[Progster]

If it were me going, I'd probably go to the parade, wear earplugs, and skip the party. Being more social, and exposing yourself to new experiences, can be gradual. You don't have to jump into the deep end first time.

 

[Owliet]

My experience:
When I was a kid (in Cub Scouts) our pack had a small roadside carnival, just a few games. I ran one of them, and really enjoyed it. I did that for several years. Many years later, at age 18, I was asked to help out in a booth at our local carnival. That was in 1990, and I've helped out every year since. There's something about working at the carnival that makes it easier than just out there walking around. I feel much more comfortable. For perhaps 15 years now, my job has been to call Bingo. I can sit there chatting with the crowd, telling little jokes, and have a great time. As soon as I step down at the end of the night, the "other" me comes back.

So, perhaps you could consider being a volunteer? At least something to think about. It worked well for me!

I do understand that the more practice someone has, the more at ease they feel around. I dont think that it is something that I can volunteer for the moment with because I would have too much to take in.

I wish I lived near you, I would go with you and try to find ways to make you feel safe and comfortable!
I actually do enjoy nightclubs and I used to go to music festivals all the time when I was younger, so I definitely have the experience.

I agree with all of the others, have an exit strategy, and make sure you can get away if you start experiencing sensory overload or getting anxious.
Just going to the day event and going to the zoo sounds good

I also feel guilty if things don't work out. But, you have to remind yourself that you did try!
Small victories count too...

Yeah, exit strategy and additional strategy’s are probably the best for me. It’s one of the reasons why I rely on my sister, because it made me feel safe to go to environments, and get used to them but I cant rely on people. I do feel like I need to learn these things for myself to become independent. If that makes sense?

If it were me going, I'd probably go to the parade, wear earplugs, and skip the party. Being more social, and exposing yourself to new experiences, can be gradual. You don't have to jump into the deep end first time.

Yeah, I think I would go to the day event and not go to the party at night. I think I am trying to catch up on too many things at once and I dont want to burn out either.

 

[paloftoon]

If you go with someone, make sure you aren't going to ruin the other person's good time too. For instance, you could have him drive you to the venue and if you want to leave before he/she does, let that person know you need to leave early and take a Lyft back or find your own way back. Do not burden that person from having a good time on their own.
If you drive yourself, then you and the other person/people can drive on their own so that you can leave on your own if things aren't working out for the carnival or if they work out but for a shorter period of time.

I'd also consider looking up social meetup groups from www.meetup.com. This is a good way to connect with people and you will have something to "talk" about just by going because you would inherently have something that is of the same interest.