Should I ‘just give up on people’ for a while?

[Outdated]

That's what burnt me out in the end, my inability to navigate social hierarchies and my dead flat obstinate refusal to even try. I just don't like bullies. I had well over 50 jobs in my life, most lasting for a year or so, many for only two weeks. I had one job working for a bloke that understood me really well and we got along great and became good mates, I worked for him for 6 years but then he died, such is life.

After being treated really well for that period of time I was even less able to cope with office politics and people's petty domination games. That came to a crunch in 2008, I wandered off in to the rainforests to live like a feral, haven't worked since.

 

[thejuice]

Long story short, I had very bad experiences with people. In short, got bullied severely (punched, kicked, name called, whole sha-bang). Got used a lot and my ‘friends’ were drug addicts who I had to constantly bail out of their problems (drug + alcohol related, other issues, you get the picture) who also all turned me when I bailed one of them in the group out of a toxic relationship since his girlfriend got him on all sorts of drugs and alcohol (I didn’t want him to end up like my friend who sadly passed away via OD and hanging, knew him for 10 years at that point). Needless to say my dealings with people weren’t the prettiest growing up which probably exacerbated the burnout and subconsciously I suppose I identify all people as threats, so I should work on that for a start. I dunno man, I dunno.

I had an addict friend that I covered for, putting myself at risk of expulsion from school and trouble with the law. He introduced us to drugs. I was that desperate for approval I didn't even ask what he was passing to me I just did it. No parental warning can compete with that kind of peer pressure. He started stealing and scamming us though, he cheated on his girlfriend, he scammed women, no honour among thieves they say. What they do to other people they'll do to you. I hadn't learned to have standards yet, or read blatant red flags.

 

[thejuice]

That's what burnt me out in the end, my inability to navigate social hierarchies and my dead flat obstinate refusal to even try. I just don't like bullies. I had well over 50 jobs in my life, most lasting for a year or so, many for only two weeks. I had one job working for a bloke that understood me really well and we got along great and became good mates, I worked for him for 6 years but then he died, such is life.

After being treated really well for that period of time I was even less able to cope with office politics and people's petty domination games. That came to a crunch in 2008, I wandered off in to the rainforests to live like a feral, haven't worked since.

I have a tendency to undiplomatically say what's on my mind so yeah you can imagine the consequences. Nothing to lose though when you're working dead end service sector, get another job in 2 days.

I've often dreamt of going full Supertramp

 

[Outdated]

Nothing to lose though when you're working dead end service sector, get another job in 2 days.

I was a Printer, a highly skilled and highly sought after tradesman. All printers seemed to be highly strung and had funny quirks and I didn't seem so odd when compared to others. I didn't know I was autistic, I was just a printer and completely normal. Printers were reknowned for throwing temper tantrums and quitting their jobs so there was nothing seen as unusual in my behaviour. I've seen blokes walk off the job because the boss repeatedly supplied the wrong brand of beer.

So in a way being a printer was a way of life, and it enabled me to move around the country and explore my world. But once household computers became a thing printing became a dying trade.

 

[thejuice]

I've seen blokes walk off the job because the boss repeatedly supplied the wrong brand of beer.

Speaking of having standards

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

A situation I never adapted to very well, trying to put me in my place is a very quick way to start an argument with me, one which you will not win. Yes, I changed jobs often.

Me too.

The only work I was long time successful in was my own business.

 

[stevens]

Should I just give up on people for a while persevere for the next couple years and accept the reality that this might be a forever thing? At this point I think it’s more healthy than just ruminating in my thoughts of wanting to go back to time I will never find again.

Just from the way you write, I can suspect that you are far ahead of the people you are going to school with, both in terms of perception of your situation and your creativity. It has been a long, long, long time but I still feel that I would never want to go back to being in high school again. It was potentially the worst time in my entire life.

Things were great in fourth grade. I won't bore you with the details, but the main point is that everything went to crap after that, and by the end, it was terrible. So perhaps it's that kind of thing you're thinking of when you write of "going back."

I had a similar decision to make, compared to the one you are considering. But it wasn't really a decision, because the only way I could decide anything was on my own. My connections with people had dried up by then. Fortunately I put my efforts into self development, and toward efforts that further my self reliance. All this time later, I still struggle with the "connections" to others. It's better, but I'm not going to say it's that much better. But the decisions I made back then continue to serve me well.

You have my respect, for coming across as not that bitter and also for having such energy to think things out.

 

[Chimorin]

Just from the way you write, I can suspect that you are far ahead of the people you are going to school with, both in terms of perception of your situation and your creativity. It has been a long, long, long time but I still feel that I would never want to go back to being in high school again. It was potentially the worst time in my entire life.

Things were great in fourth grade. I won't bore you with the details, but the main point is that everything went to crap after that, and by the end, it was terrible. So perhaps it's that kind of thing you're thinking of when you write of "going back."

I had a similar decision to make, compared to the one you are considering. But it wasn't really a decision, because the only way I could decide anything was on my own. My connections with people had dried up by then. Fortunately I put my efforts into self development, and toward efforts that further my self reliance. All this time later, I still struggle with the "connections" to others. It's better, but I'm not going to say it's that much better. But the decisions I made back then continue to serve me well.

You have my respect, for coming across as not that bitter and also for having such energy to think things out.

Thank you for the kind words, it means a lot. I’m actually now out of school and have been lucky enough to enroll in an online school and currently redoing a year after I fell out with people at college that made my life pretty miserable to be blunt (still, I won’t let that stop me). Today marks the day I’ve gone completely without friends of any sort for a year now, and in a strange way I have peace of mind knowing I ‘survived’ this ordeal, so bizarrely I have a form of closure in my mind now as strange as it is. I figure now that, if I’m in this hypothetical situation that I’m going to be in forever, I should accept and grieve that things weren’t going to be as I imagined my life to be growing up, but also proceed to find happiness in other avenues and just focus on that to somewhat fill that void. It’s that simple for the most part really. Sure, like I said, it won’t be how it imagined, but an avenue of some form of long-term happiness needless to say is far better than none. There has to be unlucky ones for there to be lucky ones, and sure I feel as though I’m an unlucky one (sometimes justified, sometimes maybe me just being hyperbolic), but I’m still alive after all, so might as well try to enjoy the gifts of consciousness can bring. No point being a prisoner in your own mind I suppose.

 

[DrBadStrings]

I mean, I want connections with people, sure, and it eats away at me that I don’t have them, but at this point I have no energy to put up with the caveats of maintaining friendships, relationships, etc, particularly fighting, arguments, and social hierarchy stuff (which tears me up the wall, but at my oh so young age, is sadly important). My interests are also very narrowed down and don’t really relate to anyone. I suppose I just miss when I was actually quite popular for a while before the burnout I guess, I definitely don’t miss the old connections but I liked the dopamine I got from it.

Should I just give up on people for a while persevere for the next couple years and accept the reality that this might be a forever thing? At this point I think it’s more healthy than just ruminating in my thoughts of wanting to go back to time I will never find again.

Thank you for taking your time to read this or simply just checking this thread, whoever you are.

I wouldn't necessarily give up on people so much as I would reframe it to "focusing on finding peace with yourself".

And I'm not talking just liking who you are. I mean learning to be content and at peace with yourself. You're young, you've got a very long life ahead of you. Connections are important but I'll tell you right now, 42 year old me can't even remember most of the connections from when I was 18. I can remember the struggle, and to some extent making connections has never become easier the older I've gotten, though I've still made many over the years. But the more I worked on being at peace with myself, content with my own company, the time between making connections became less a drudgery and much more something I find comfort in.

All of that ramble to say be patient, you'll make plenty of meaningful connections in your life, just focus right now on your own metal health and working on finding peace with yourself. Don't give up on people, but don't make them your main focus either.

 

[Shamar]

I mean, I want connections with people, sure, and it eats away at me that I don’t have them, but at this point I have no energy to put up with the caveats of maintaining friendships, relationships, etc, particularly fighting, arguments, and social hierarchy stuff (which tears me up the wall, but at my oh so young age, is sadly important). My interests are also very narrowed down and don’t really relate to anyone. I suppose I just miss when I was actually quite popular for a while before the burnout I guess, I definitely don’t miss the old connections but I liked the dopamine I got from it.

Should I just give up on people for a while persevere for the next couple years and accept the reality that this might be a forever thing? At this point I think it’s more healthy than just ruminating in my thoughts of wanting to go back to time I will never find again.

Thank you for taking your time to read this or simply just checking this thread, whoever you are.

I gave up on people years ago (you probably already figured that out). I am much happier for it, even though I crave companionship. The pain of betrayal is worse than the pain of loneliness.

How did I miss this thread for so long?