Should I leave the church?

[The Pandector]

I have to give you a update. I am not seeking a relationship. I am not angry at God any more after hearing from God after hearing from an married associated pastor who told me that his wife was sick and he does not think God is mad at him. It was a wake up call. Also the thing with Kyle and the female friend I blew way out if proportion. They don't even hang out any more. They really bairly even talk or sit with each other after service.

Also I might have heard from God saying that when I am ready I will be in a relationship. It can be next week, next month, next year or never. Whenever I put my trust in him.

Right now I want to exercise to improve my health, mood and appearance. I thought I had the whole porn thing taking cared off but I fell gard this week back to the old habits watching it again after going over a month not watching that garbage.

That is all great news, @Tony Ramirez. Relax into it, brother; God is reliable. Great news!

 

[AspiAngie]

What annoys me is the people who tell me to stop watching porn are happily married.

Also there is this one woman yesterday who even during the pre service prayer which I am not going to no more because of a older woman wearing a mask. But anyway she went to the lent prayer too. She was crying all the time. What is she crying for? She's got a husband, two healthy normal kids with no disabilities and is well of financial. God has giving her everything she wants. Unlike me where he practically gave me nothing.

I was reading every post as I did not want someone to say "that was mentioned already" but then I stopped and thought I will reply now.

I am a Christian. I am not married. I will be 50 this year. I was raised by a Christian mom and a dad who believed in nothing since he said if God exists why did his dad have to die so horribly when he was a kid. My faith could have gone either way. It was true that I was just going through the motions, but did not really understand my faith. I believed only because I was taught to, but really I had no reason to not believe. But my faith was not strong. I mean, I had a father who did not believe, and many friends who also did not believe. One of them laughing at me, saying that I probably believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny as well. That hurt, but I knew he did not understand.

While I was engaged to an American man (I am Canadian), I experienced something in the cold months of 2009. I was at my computer and got up to put the kettle on for some hot tea (or hot cocoa. Forget now). As I waited for the Kettle to boil, I had an … "Experience". People like me don't have experiences like this. I was not a regular churchgoer, never read the Bible from cover to cover but only a few parts, swore, drank, etc. But this experience changed things for me.

This "experience" was not a voice, but more like a thought in my head that was not my own. I knew it was male, but did not hear any voice. I knew the words even though my ears heard nothing. The words were, "Pray." As simple as that. I was startled, of course, but in that half a second the "voice" said, "Pray NOW." It was stern and urgent without a sound. It is hard to explain unless you have ever experienced such a thing. My kitchen goes out to the living area. I guess you could call it a joined dining room / living room. I stepped out of the kitchen and prayed standing up, staring at a photo of Jesus on the wall. I do not think the "voice" was Jesus, but perhaps my Guardian Angle appointed by God, but I knew it was of Heaven, so I listened. I prayed. I prayed that I do not know what I am to pray for, but I am praying that what ever it is that is so urgent that I must pray for ... Well, it is all rather hard to explain. And you can take this experience any way you wish as I am not here to convert anyone, but just to share my own reasons for going to Church (as for being on this forum in general it is for support while I try to get diagnosed if I am Autistic or not). I prayed hard, and it is like my soul just took over. I became emotional and cried and then when I was done praying I made my hot drink and sat back down at the computer.

The phone rang only moments later. It was my fiancé at that time. I blurted out, "What happened 10 minutes ago?" which is an odd thing for anyone long distance to say. He was silent for just a second and said, "It is hard to explain. I .. was almost in an accident, and I can't explain how I am okay."

He continued to explain how his tires were on black ice, and he was heading toward a light pole. He could not catch traction and at the last second the car missed the pole. He got out shocked and being a mechanic checked under his car. He told me that there was no way in the world the car could have caught ANY traction.

I broke down and cried and told him about my "experience".

He believes because that was the 2nd time his life was saved my an unseen force.

Now, @Tony Ramirez this might really mean nothing to you, or it might. However, I agree with everyone else that your reason for going to Church should not be to find a mate. I struggled with why go to Church for a while too, and realized for me, it was to counteract the negativity and anti-Christian things I am bombarded with every day in this world. Church is a personal relationship with God where you grow closer to Him, but ... is different for everyone.

Really, this topic does not seem to be really about Church but about you. Your difficulties you are having and your frustration and guilt over them.

When it comes to Porn, it is hard, especially for any man. I used to be on a Christian gamer forum that is no longer now, but for MOST of the members, Porn was their biggest struggle. I do not know what your religion is, but even saints have had issues with pornographic temptations of all sorts.

As for relationships, I have found that they are best started off as friendship to see how it goes. See if you are even compatible in the first place. If it is meant to be, it will grow naturally in that direction. You can be open to a relationship, but don't jump in with both feet before even knowing if the woman is even available. Start off slow. Learn about her and see what you have in common. You can even tell her your difficulties finding someone, but don't bring that up right away. Sometimes the best relationships that lead to marriage started off as friends. Moving so fast and getting your hopes up before you even really know a woman just sets you up for heart break and disappointment that was one-sided and only caused by false expectations.

Breathe.

You will be okay. You are lovable. Work on yourself and the rest will follow naturally. Easily frustrated, awkward, insecure, ... can all hold you back. First love and accept yourself, and the right person will come along when you least expect it. People who appear to have the perfect life don't have the perfect life. They just appear that way on the outside. You can't judge by that as you are not seeing the whole picture. I have been judged my whole life by people not understanding the real me. You have to get to know people before you can think their lives are better than yours.

I pray that God guides you on the right path to the life that will make you happy as well as be who you really are without having to try so hard to be what others want. God made you, and you are fine the way you are. Work on your strengths, do some soul-searching, and learn what your strengths are and focus on them. What things do you like to do hobby wise? Perhaps there is some event that involves that hobby that you can partake at that a wonderful lady is at that might be looking for someone like you as well. Who knows! God bless and take care!

 

[KingDiamond]

This is exactly the kind of reasoning that keeps Tony imprisoned. It leaves him as the victim of other people’s inaction. Your response suggests that responsible, spiritually oriented people should find a mate for a man that is demonstrably Not of a spiritual mindset. That would be morally and Biblically unacceptable.

You then leave him with another example of his own brand of thinking; those people who won’t do Tony’s bidding are evil. Oh, and hypocrites, as well. Sour grapes. Wife beaters and cheaters.

So I will ask. Why do you think people of faith would or should busy themselves finding a romantic partner for an individual angry at God? They might befriend him, pray for him, counsel him… but absolutely Not hook him up with any woman who claims faith in God.

Sorry, @Tony Ramirez, to talk in front of your back, but listening to advice that only confirms your own failed mindset is not in your best interest, no matter how good it feels to have the public agreement. If you’re after a woman, keep hunting, but don’t expect Christians to provide your prey; a church is not a hunting preserve for angry men. If you’re after God, I will guess those Christians can help and will jump at the chance.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

Or, don’t. It’s up to you.

Some Christians do watch porn and commit adultery. Some even batter their wives. Get off your high horse. They shouldn't have shamed a grown man for what he's doing in his personal life. And they probably do far worse in their life. They projected on him. That's a fact. They should have helped and set him up with a friend who could break him out of his shell. What I said to Tony here and in private and what I said will stay private is honest advice. If you don't like it? Not my problem.

 

[The Pandector]

Some Christians do watch porn and commit adultery. Some even batter their wives. Get off your high horse. They shouldn't have shamed a grown man for what he's doing in his personal life. And they probably do far worse in their life. They projected on him. That's a fact. They should have helped and set him up with a friend who could break him out of his shell. What I said to Tony here and in private and what I said will stay private is honest advice. If you don't like it? Not my problem.

I’m not on my high horse, King.

You’re obviously right that many Christians have antiscriptural practices in their lives. You speak of they and them as a homogeneous group of hypocrites, which is very very very much like racism, right?

I wasn’t aware his group had “shamed” him. Loaded language. I know one can feel shame without being shamed, and I’m guessing neither of us was there. But, maybe they shamed him. That’s a bad tactic, but it’s still true that it’s shameful for a Christian to use porn. That’s why we help and pray for one another, not why we set them up on dates.

No, what I think of your advice to Tony is not your problem. But I care about Tony and feel your advice could easily have become his problem.

So, it worked out well. We each gave viewpoints and Tony is left to make the decisions that form his life.

 

[The Pandector]

I was reading every post as I did not want someone to say "that was mentioned already" but then I stopped and thought I will reply now.

I am a Christian. I am not married. I will be 50 this year. I was raised by a Christian mom and a dad who believed in nothing since he said if God exists why did his dad have to die so horribly when he was a kid. My faith could have gone either way. It was true that I was just going through the motions, but did not really understand my faith. I believed only because I was taught to, but really I had no reason to not believe. But my faith was not strong. I mean, I had a father who did not believe, and many friends who also did not believe. One of them laughing at me, saying that I probably believe in Santa and the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny as well. That hurt, but I knew he did not understand.

While I was engaged to an American man (I am Canadian), I experienced something in the cold months of 2009. I was at my computer and got up to put the kettle on for some hot tea (or hot cocoa. Forget now). As I waited for the Kettle to boil, I had an … "Experience". People like me don't have experiences like this. I was not a regular churchgoer, never read the Bible from cover to cover but only a few parts, swore, drank, etc. But this experience changed things for me.

This "experience" was not a voice, but more like a thought in my head that was not my own. I knew it was male, but did not hear any voice. I knew the words even though my ears heard nothing. The words were, "Pray." As simple as that. I was startled, of course, but in that half a second the "voice" said, "Pray NOW." It was stern and urgent without a sound. It is hard to explain unless you have ever experienced such a thing. My kitchen goes out to the living area. I guess you could call it a joined dining room / living room. I stepped out of the kitchen and prayed standing up, staring at a photo of Jesus on the wall. I do not think the "voice" was Jesus, but perhaps my Guardian Angle appointed by God, but I knew it was of Heaven, so I listened. I prayed. I prayed that I do not know what I am to pray for, but I am praying that what ever it is that is so urgent that I must pray for ... Well, it is all rather hard to explain. And you can take this experience any way you wish as I am not here to convert anyone, but just to share my own reasons for going to Church (as for being on this forum in general it is for support while I try to get diagnosed if I am Autistic or not). I prayed hard, and it is like my soul just took over. I became emotional and cried and then when I was done praying I made my hot drink and sat back down at the computer.

The phone rang only moments later. It was my fiancé at that time. I blurted out, "What happened 10 minutes ago?" which is an odd thing for anyone long distance to say. He was silent for just a second and said, "It is hard to explain. I .. was almost in an accident, and I can't explain how I am okay."

He continued to explain how his tires were on black ice, and he was heading toward a light pole. He could not catch traction and at the last second the car missed the pole. He got out shocked and being a mechanic checked under his car. He told me that there was no way in the world the car could have caught ANY traction.

I broke down and cried and told him about my "experience".

He believes because that was the 2nd time his life was saved my an unseen force.

Now, @Tony Ramirez this might really mean nothing to you, or it might. However, I agree with everyone else that your reason for going to Church should not be to find a mate. I struggled with why go to Church for a while too, and realized for me, it was to counteract the negativity and anti-Christian things I am bombarded with every day in this world. Church is a personal relationship with God where you grow closer to Him, but ... is different for everyone.

Really, this topic does not seem to be really about Church but about you. Your difficulties you are having and your frustration and guilt over them.

When it comes to Porn, it is hard, especially for any man. I used to be on a Christian gamer forum that is no longer now, but for MOST of the members, Porn was their biggest struggle. I do not know what your religion is, but even saints have had issues with pornographic temptations of all sorts.

As for relationships, I have found that they are best started off as friendship to see how it goes. See if you are even compatible in the first place. If it is meant to be, it will grow naturally in that direction. You can be open to a relationship, but don't jump in with both feet before even knowing if the woman is even available. Start off slow. Learn about her and see what you have in common. You can even tell her your difficulties finding someone, but don't bring that up right away. Sometimes the best relationships that lead to marriage started off as friends. Moving so fast and getting your hopes up before you even really know a woman just sets you up for heart break and disappointment that was one-sided and only caused by false expectations.

Breathe.

You will be okay. You are lovable. Work on yourself and the rest will follow naturally. Easily frustrated, awkward, insecure, ... can all hold you back. First love and accept yourself, and the right person will come along when you least expect it. People who appear to have the perfect life don't have the perfect life. They just appear that way on the outside. You can't judge by that as you are not seeing the whole picture. I have been judged my whole life by people not understanding the real me. You have to get to know people before you can think their lives are better than yours.

I pray that God guides you on the right path to the life that will make you happy as well as be who you really are without having to try so hard to be what others want. God made you, and you are fine the way you are. Work on your strengths, do some soul-searching, and learn what your strengths are and focus on them. What things do you like to do hobby wise? Perhaps there is some event that involves that hobby that you can partake at that a wonderful lady is at that might be looking for someone like you as well. Who knows! God bless and take care!

That is such a neat story about finding faith in the midst of religion. Thanks for sharing it and the sound advice.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I am doing better now. I am not obsessed about finding a girlfriend. Yes it's still hard seeing couples. I still want a girlfriend but I am not obsessed over it anymore.

 

[Jonn]

Should I leave the church?​

Yes...

 

[WiffingWaffles]

Church, at least in my eyes is the least thing needed for people.
It forms a shell of escapism around you., and unfortunately, you're going to have to confront the problems sooner or later.

 

[Aspychata]

Some people decide to leave church because they feel it no longer has the answers they need. You will have to decide if you should stay or go. If you feel the church is overbearing and truly doesn't represent who you are, then you can check into other faiths. I like reading about Judaism. I like the straight forwardness of their discipline. I also like reading about Buddhism.