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Should I stay or go?

GadAbout said:
Markness, people have been telling you for years that you will have more success at romance when (a) you move away from your horrible, emasculating (literally!) harridan of a mother, (b) you have a larger and more diverse group of people to be exposed to, and (c) you develop independent living skills and the confidence that goes with them. Now I'm sure you will reply with the litany of excuses you always use, don't bother, I'm not interested in hearing them. Maybe several dozen people telling you the same thing are all wrong?

These things are the minimum bare necessities for you getting that girlfriend you so desire.
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How exactly can I escape my mother?
 
Markness said:
How exactly can I escape my mother?
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Sorry. l didn't realise your mother holds you hostage. Is it financial hostage? Throw in emotional hostage, you end up feeling battered. Some here at this forum cannot achieve independence for serious reasons including Crypt keeper mothers, never ending financial drains, medical reasons. Do you experience any of these? l was kicked out of my house because of my step-father who my mom stuck up for because she was too old to go into the workforce and kick him to the curb. Later she went on to earn her degree in her fifties. I have a hate/pretend relationship with her. So many of us here have mixed feelings about our mothers just like you. Anyways if you want to talk about your hurdles, it's good to release it, so you can think about any possible solutions.
 
Markness said:
How exactly can I escape my mother?
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This is another example of your sophistry in avoiding the issue. It's akin to "Is it my fault that ...."

I won't give you a direct answer because you have been offered many, many suggestions for an outcome, and you have taken none of them. It's always "I can't, because ...."
 
GadAbout said:
This is another example of your sophistry in avoiding the issue. It's akin to "Is it my fault that ...."

I won't give you a direct answer because you have been offered many, many suggestions for an outcome, and you have taken none of them. It's always "I can't, because ...."
Click to expand...

I am not avoiding the issue. I am genuinely asking a question.
 
Aspychata said:
Sorry. l didn't realise your mother holds you hostage. Is it financial hostage? Throw in emotional hostage, you end up feeling battered. Some here at this forum cannot achieve independence for serious reasons including Crypt keeper mothers, never ending financial drains, medical reasons. Do you experience any of these? l was kicked out of my house because of my step-father who my mom stuck up for because she was too old to go into the workforce and kick him to the curb. Later she went on to earn her degree in her fifties. I have a hate/pretend relationship with her. So many of us here have mixed feelings about our mothers just like you. Anyways if you want to talk about your hurdles, it's good to release it, so you can think about any possible solutions.
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She can monitor my bank account and she panics at the idea of not being able to see me daily. She’s also claimed I can only afford living in a ghetto apartment with my current income and I would lose my health insurance. She’s very intermeshed with her children’s lives but especially my older brother’s since she’s constantly bailing him out of his troubles and wants to mold her grandchildren.
A lot of this I am wondering if it’s really true or if it’s more of her control freak nature. Interestingly, she has told me if I lived with someone, she would be fine.

I am thinking of talking to a vocational rehab clinic next week when I don’t have to work.
 
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Markness said:
she panics at the idea of not being able to see me daily.
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You are obviously meeting her emotional needs, if she treates her panic with your subservience. This is not appropriate or healthy, for either of you.

She’s also claimed I can only afford living in a ghetto apartment with my current income and I would lose my health insurance.
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She has you brainwashed.

She’s very intermeshed with her children’s lives but especially my older brother’s since she’s constantly bailing him out of his troubles and wants to mold her grandchildren.
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See first paragraph above.

A lot of this I am wondering if it’s really true or if it’s more of her control freak nature.
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Ding ding ding ding ding! Now you're talking!

I am thinking of talking to a vocational rehab clinic next week when I don’t have to work.
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Great start! Please do this. Don't let Momfromhell know you are doing it.
 
Believe it or not, she’s actually encouraging me to talk to someone at vocational rehab. I think she’s coming around.
 
I’ve almost gotten rid of a “mother” like that, thank goodness that controlling piece of work will be totally out of my life soon - financial mess kept that tie in there and it’s been horrible. They never change, the witches womb I came out of is 80yo and still making life hell all the way down to great grand kids. When she finally done die satan gets his sister back.

I’m really sorry you have to go through this depression but it does get better. I met “Mr. Wonderful” and got married 5 years ago and it was on a hobby forum. NOT A DATING SITE! Nope, we are older and we do not believe in facebook but we both do have hobbies. So to start, we already had things in common. We “dated” using skype and had dinner dates since we were 3,000 miles away.

We have a wonderful marriage, and we were not looking to date but just made friends with someone we had things in common with, hobbies (okay, and politics lol).

Wish you the best, do get away from the fam when you can, sometimes we can have friends that are much better for us that the relatives we were born to.
 
You drop everything. Live in a shelter until you can establish a place with roommates. Start your own bank account. Risk not having insurance. Maybe not your best option since there's a pandemic now, but that's basically your only way out. You let your mother have control of "your" bank account and start another one you actually have control of and move out with nothing.

It's hard, no doubt, managing living on your own- shelter, food, etc. This kind of independence is what will make you attractive. People can sense that you are overly held back by your mother. Your only other possibility is that you find someone else in a similar situation to you where they are held back in this manner by a parent.

It's "okay" to live in the "comfort" of your restrictive life, but then you don't have a lot of room to complain. Vocational Rehab is a good idea because maybe they can help you get a better job to get off your feet more. If you can work full time, even better.

If you have an interest in (learning) programming and are okay with moving and having a video chat with me, I can help you get started and refer you too. (PM me if you want to do this- but you don't have to.)
 
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