Should we stop trying to act normal?

[shoukori]

Well luckily I only have minor "socially acceptable" stims now - I am a very obsessive hair toucher, and if that's impractical I can play with something in my pocket while I walk around. I can't really focus well without touching/feeling something though.

I have been known to quit a conversation rather abruptly by either going silent or walking away, nothing as dramatic as your experience though. And yes, if your stims are your own, in the back, why should anyone care what you're doing?

 

[Soup]

Like Kelly, I have many hoodies with the kangaroo pocket on them. With the hood up & dark glasses on, I can rock back & forth a little & nobody notices: I just look like another person wearing an MP3 player lost in my music!

Ever notice the amt of people in a crowd engaging in stimming behaviours? They tap their toes, shake a leg, twiddle their thumbs & twirl their hair. Why is it only stimming when we do it? Many smoke compulsively when nervous & have their own little smoking rituals. I've seen people do this with coffee too. So long as your arm flapping isn't knocking people over, why should anyone care? It isn't noisy or disruptive, doesn't pollute the environment or hurt anyone or cost anyone money. It won't make you sick poor or fat plus you burn extra calories & exercise those arm muscles. On a hot day, it just looks like you're fanning yourself <---another benefit: it helps keep you cool!

 

[shoukori]

As I understand it, lots of NT's stim a little bit. What makes it different is that we do it a lot more, or we *require* for some reason, stress relief, focus etc. For example, I, being a girl, can certainly play with my hair in public without attracting attention. But if people realized I do it probably 50% of the time I'm awake, they'd definitely think it was odd (not to mention it is a very precise way of "playing" that is more like running my fingers over it, feeling the texture, I don't actually "twirl" it). I do it on the computer, when i'm reading, watching TV, driving, in a casual conversation, basically anytime I can. Always left handed, always the same way. I think I've actually smoothed my fingertips from constantly feeling things with them. . .

 

[Csutelan]

Normal is relative. I don't want to conform; I just want to be me. I hate being told to smile or be more sociable or develop other interests. Why should I? We are all different. Why is being obsessed with books wrong? Why do I need to smile? What have I got to smile about? I wish people would focus a little less on me and more on themselves and their behavior.

 

[Soup]

@ Shoukori: I bet all that hair touching has distributed beneficial natural oils through your hair rendering it nice & soft!

@ Csutelan: We seem to think alike. I feel no compulsion to 'normalize' myself either. So long as my behaviours & expression isn't hurting anyone else, I see no reason to change. As for your interest in books, in my assessment, it probably makes you a well read, well informed intellectual!

 

[shoukori]

I always hated "why don't you smile?" too. How is it normal to walk around smiling for no reason? I got that one at work all the time when I was at a warehouse/shipping job.
Say something truly funny and I'll smile just fine - who's the weird one again?

As far as my hair, it looks normal, don't know about oil distribution, I only really play with one section of it (it's fairly long) but it doesn't seem to hurt/help it.

 

[Geordie]

And what is it that works Geordie? I sure want to know. Remember, I am new---> been as aspie for one week. Yay!

Accept ourselves for who we are - both our strengths and weaknesses. They may include whatever interests we may have, and what we enjoy to pursue, what we hope to do.

 

[Obi]

Hi, sorry I haven't read the whole discussion. I have recently discovered that I'm probably an Aspie. It's changed a lot about how I see myself and interact with others. I now have a meaningful context for what always seemed like meaningless weird difficulties. I don't feel guilty anymore. I recognize a lot of my traits as strengths, and instead of trying to hide them am now more likely to say things I would usually keep to myself. I am less concerned about what others may think. All my life I have been ever so carefully worrying over everything I said incase I offended or discouraged others. It made me utterly and totally miserable. I have been a doormat and then the dirt underneath the doormat.

I think it is important to be as true to yourself as possible, even if that alienates you more often than not. However, there may be a risk of becoming unduly self-righteous. NTs also have to compromise a lot with people who are very different or have different views. As an Aspie, I think it could even be empowering to take the high ground and 'humour' NTs when you don't relate or care about what they are saying.

 

[Soup]

Hi Obi! Sorry I missed the welcome wagon when you first arrived. I usually say a quick hello to new members the way people here did for me when I first arrived.

You seem to think about Asperger's in a similar manner as I do. Acting normal is something that can look like bad drag sometimes when some Aspie's try a little too hard to appear normal. What suits me is to pull out the cane & hat & play normal for brief spurts when it suits my best interests to do so. For example, knowing how to appear normal during a job interview, or as a teacher on parent/teacher night, if stopped by the police for a traffic violation etc. On those occasions, an ability to fly under the radar serves our interests. A large part of passing for NT is appearance related. Having a few conventional-looking outfits assembled for such occasions just hanging together in the closet ready to pop on is useful.