Siblings enemies given by nature

[Peter Morrison]

I feel bad that you are so upset with your siblings for their lack of respect and common courtesy. I think there comes a time in life when you have to protect your own and yours alone. I know a lot of people are suggesting a hard core blowout with the evil monsters and a complete cut in communication, but I don't feel the same way. Distancing yourself on your terms might be a good exercise for you and could achieve the result you want. There are thousands of metaphors for being used and abused. The "doormat" is the mot common. It was advised that you stop having any cooperative business or financial dealings with these people. I agree completely. When there are sharks in the water, refrain for going in. I believe it is easier to say "no" to the initial request than to struggle against a huge pile of abuse and lies halfway through. I'm advocating for the simple "no" to avoid a potentially unpleasant experience.

The bigger issue for me is your state of mind regarding all the abuse, theft, and unethical treatment. You can't undo any of it. Find a way to be at peace with everything they have done to you. The more you indulge your thoughts on the matter, the more upset you will get. Try to sideline the whole bag of ugliness. Holding on to any of it will just keep you attached to the pain and frustration. Time to get selfish and protect yourself.

If telling them off will achieve something you need, then do it. Certain actions are irreversible, but it seems that those who have done that have no regrets. That is a vote of confidence. I know of one such sibling squabble involving two cousins. I have witnessed how life puts itself back together nicely when you give yourself proper care. I'm very close to the one who distanced her sister. I tolerate the problem sister, but I won't spend time in her company unless it is completely unavoidable.

I understand the rut you are in. I say "Don't cry over spilled milk more than once". Give your emotional energy to yourself.

 

[Mia]

There's also a therapy technique that seems to help. Don't know if you've heard of it. You write letters to these people detailing everything they have done. Telling them exactly how you feel about it. Then you wait, and decide whether or not you want to send them. You either send them or simply keep them or burn them. You decide.

 

[Major Tom]

I feel you on the siblings, and family in general. Had a similar situation with a house we were "renting to own" from my mother. She sold it out from under us after I fixed everything.
My sister reported me to the American embassy and they proceeded to call anyone that could possibly know me and question as to my well being.. Which was super embarrassing and being where I am any kind of potential mental health issue (even made up ones) can be seen as a weakness. People lose their jobs and livelihoods over mental health issues here all the time. Thankfully my boss listened to me when I explained the situation, otherwise I could have lost the only job available to me.
So in a sense, I can understand where you are coming from.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

There's also a therapy technique that seems to help. Don't know if you've heard of it. You write letters to these people detailing everything they have done. Telling them exactly how you feel about it. Then you wait, and decide whether or not you want to send them. You either send them or simply keep them or burn them. You decide.

Or you tie the letter to a brick and smash them in the face with it..

Metaphorically

 

[Nauti]

My brother is an opiate addict. He is nice to my face, but, always, it is because he is trying to get something out of me.

As you can imagine, he is not honest. He is a conniving person. I love him, but I don't trust him, so it is very difficult, because I detest dishonesty.

My sister's condescend to me and my mother has always badmouthed all of us, to each other, so again, it is very difficult. I tend to avoid them. I find my mother intolerable and I left home, as a teen, when my sibs were small children, so I don't know them at all well.
Most of my sister's are not at all close with our mother either.
I have never been particularly skilled at knowing how to be a big sister. I have tried, but I struggle just to parent my own children and find I have little energy surplus to reach out to extended family, especially when ours is pretty bonkers and we are all so different and have different values, lifestyles, even genes, because all my sibs are half sibs.

It is a source of dissatisfaction, that I am not close with any of them, but I am raw and wounded from many hardships and a heavy load of familial responsibility from a young age (I had seven children, starting at 17).
Plus I don't feel confident that any but my father's other daughter will understand the autism or have any consideration because of it. I haven't told any of my family, other than my dad and my brother, my partner and my children, that I am autistic, but I think my dad has probably told my half sister, his other daughter. She also believes she is an Aspie, so maybe there is hope for us, sometime in the future.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

well @Pats it's been a day.

Has the vellum letter of revenge,written in blood, been delivered to your local witch doctor?

 

[Progster]

Family - full of petty squabbling, jealousy and hatred. Well, that old cliche is certainly true - you get to choose your friends, but not your family. I have mixed feelings. I was bullied by my siblings from an early age, especially by an older sister who resented my very existence. I have absolutely nothing in common with my siblings, other than we share parents and spent our childhood together - completely different personalities. I wouldn't call them enemies and they did support me through difficult times, but would I be friends with them, or even have anything to do with them if they weren't family? Highly unlikely. I talk to my brother and younger sister, I get on ok with them despite them being completely different, but not my older sister. I did try to reconcile, but it didn't work, too easily triggered and the damage is done.

As for material wealth, we were born with nothing, and to nothing we shall return. So what's the point?

 

[George Newman]

I feel bad that you are so upset with your siblings for their lack of respect and common courtesy. I think there comes a time in life when you have to protect your own and yours alone. I know a lot of people are suggesting a hard core blowout with the evil monsters and a complete cut in communication, but I don't feel the same way. Distancing yourself on your terms might be a good exercise for you and could achieve the result you want. There are thousands of metaphors for being used and abused. The "doormat" is the mot common. It was advised that you stop having any cooperative business or financial dealings with these people. I agree completely. When there are sharks in the water, refrain for going in. I believe it is easier to say "no" to the initial request than to struggle against a huge pile of abuse and lies halfway through. I'm advocating for the simple "no" to avoid a potentially unpleasant experience.

The bigger issue for me is your state of mind regarding all the abuse, theft, and unethical treatment. You can't undo any of it. Find a way to be at peace with everything they have done to you. The more you indulge your thoughts on the matter, the more upset you will get. Try to sideline the whole bag of ugliness. Holding on to any of it will just keep you attached to the pain and frustration. Time to get selfish and protect yourself.

If telling them off will achieve something you need, then do it. Certain actions are irreversible, but it seems that those who have done that have no regrets. That is a vote of confidence. I know of one such sibling squabble involving two cousins. I have witnessed how life puts itself back together nicely when you give yourself proper care. I'm very close to the one who distanced her sister. I tolerate the problem sister, but I won't spend time in her company unless it is completely unavoidable.

I understand the rut you are in. I say "Don't cry over spilled milk more than once". Give your emotional energy to yourself.

Excellent words of wisdom, Peter. Understand, rise above, don’t stoop down, heal, don’t grow callous, and move on. Much love to each one who find themselves in this kind of situation. Thank you Peter for your great advise.

 

[Pats]

Thank you all so much for your support and encouragement and sharing. It's nice to be part of this group with caring, understanding friends. I am working on letting it go. I probably won't be able to completely let it go until my daughter and her family find another home they can get into. But I won't let myself dwell on it today. It was one of those times that it just felt like it all came swarming at me like a bee hive had been dropped down on me. And, though, I've always known my sister was mean, but it hurts with my brother because he was the person I admired most and have always tried to cover up his flaws, convincing myself he was a good person. Done it all my life and I don't know why. He threw a rock and hit me in the head and I told my parents I fell because I couldn't allow him to do anything bad. I've just got to tell myself that he is not the good person I want him to be and move on. I wouldn't let myself see the wrong he does - in my mind I had to keep him perfect. The first time in my life I was ever upset with him was when my mom was dying and wanted to see him. She talked to him on the phone then handed the phone to me saying he couldn't come right then but would. I went into the other room and asked, "You're not coming are you?" He said no, he would come to the funeral. I didn't have much to do with him at the funeral, I couldn't understand how he could do that to our mom, who dedicated her life to us. It was when my dad died that I started trusting him again - now I wish I hadn't.
I need to do the letter thing, I guess. (Or the brick thing. lol)

 

[Dubz]

My brother is an opiate addict. He is nice to my face, but, always, it is because he is trying to get something out of me.

As you can imagine, he is not honest. He is a conniving person. I love him, but I don't trust him, so it is very difficult, because I detest dishonesty.

My sister's condescend to me and my mother has always badmouthed all of us, to each other, so again, it is very difficult. I tend to avoid them. I find my mother intolerable and I left home, as a teen, when my sibs were small children, so I don't know them at all well.
Most of my sister's are not at all close with our mother either.
I have never been particularly skilled at knowing how to be a big sister. I have tried, but I struggle just to parent my own children and find I have little energy surplus to reach out to extended family, especially when ours is pretty bonkers and we are all so different and have different values, lifestyles, even genes, because all my sibs are half sibs.

It is a source of dissatisfaction, that I am not close with any of them, but I am raw and wounded from many hardships and a heavy load of familial responsibility from a young age (I had seven children, starting at 17).
Plus I don't feel confident that any but my father's other daughter will understand the autism or have any consideration because of it. I haven't told any of my family, other than my dad and my brother, my partner and my children, that I am autistic, but I think my dad has probably told my half sister, his other daughter. She also believes she is an Aspie, so maybe there is hope for us, sometime in the future.

My brother is a meth addict. He shoots it up. He will be nice to my face when he needs something too. He has stolen so many things from me I can't even remember it all. He has also stolen from all his friends, both my parents(probably thousands of dollars worth of tools from my dad) and even ripped off our grandma 300 dollars for "tires" for his car. "Tires" must be slang for drugs cuz I know damn well that's what he got with it. I even lent him 2500 bucks for a lawyer once that he never hired. "Lawyer" must be slang for drugs too. I will Never see a dime from him. Right now he and his psychopathic g.f. are living here at home. Great! I can't imagine what wonderful things are going to happen. Yep family can really suck. I wish I could buy the house from my dad so I could kick his ass out, he has been mooching off him for years. If I owned it he would've been out on his ass years ago family or not! Quit being a douche. Sadly that will never happen. He will always be a douche.

 

[Fino]

My brother is a meth addict. He shoots it up. He will be nice to my face when he needs something too. He has stolen so many things from me I can't even remember it all. He has also stolen from all his friends, both my parents(probably thousands of dollars worth of tools from my dad) and even ripped off our grandma 300 dollars for "tires" for his car. "Tires" must be slang for drugs cuz I know damn well that's what he got with it. I even lent him 2500 bucks for a lawyer once that he never hired. "Lawyer" must be slang for drugs too. I will Never see a dime from him. Right now he and his psychopathic g.f. are living here at home. Great! I can't imagine what wonderful things are going to happen. Yep family can really suck. I wish I could buy the house from my dad so I could kick his ass out, he has been mooching off him for years. If I owned it he would've been out on his ass years ago family or not, tough sh××! Quit being a douche. Sadly that will never happen. He will always be a douche.

Did no one know he was addict when all the money was lent? You're more likely to get money back if you were to it throw out the car window as you drove down the freeway than if you were to give it to an addict.