So, how do you deal with surprises?

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I always get advanced warning because no one just shows up at my house. I have to let them in the gate so that is not an issue. Also I get reminders for all of my appointments. And most of my stuff I use every day is made of materials that will last a long time. But usually if something breaks I have to get it replaced asap. Also my friends know that showing up without warning isn't smart because of the electronic gate with no parking area or space to easily turn around.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Since I nearly always expect the unexpected to be bad, which it is most of the time, I'm always pleasantly surprised if it turns out to be good.

 

[Aspychata]

I ignore 98.9 % of my phonecalls! That is the best way to filter calls. If it's that important, leave me a message, so l can decide the appropriate action. Plus nobody says they can reach me by phone or l never pick up my phone. Whom am l to argue?
But listening to the scam call messages trying to get money are entertaining. Like l am calling from the US gov. (heavy accent-call center noise in background) and l want to give you a loan. lol

 

[SimonSays]

I never used to answer my phone, especially from a number I didn’t recognise and definitely if it was a number withheld. Now I tend to answer it but often I just wait and hope that the person who speaks doesn’t just launch into loads of words but if I remain still enough I can make it work.

Even things that are not surprises, like things that are coming up that need renewing like Insurance for example, can create tremendous anxiety in knowing that I’m going to have to do it. I used to live in a small campervan full time and when I knew that the MOT (annual roadworthiness test) was coming up I would hate it. I didn’t want anybody going inside my home, have to leave it for several hours with a stranger. But these are not exactly surprises.

Surprises like, discovering something is wrong with the van and I needed to have it sorted, was terribly anxiety filled because I didn’t have any time to prepare for the issues as I’ve just described.

If I know I’m going somewhere, especially if it’s by public transport I have to Check every aspect of the route several times on my phone just to help me deal with the reality of taking the journey. I used to be somebody who enjoyed taking journeys alone (and still do if things are simple) but now I function much better if I have somebody sitting by my side when I do.

Each day I am constantly surprised by the return of my housemates (I live in a shared house with four other people). The noise of their arrival, the banging of doors, the needlessly putting on of lights (in my opinion), and then leaving them on making me have to turn them off, is a constant issue that I struggle to deal with. I’ve taken to immediately putting earplugs in when I suspect people will arrive and then I just leave them in, or headphones if I’m watching something, so that it attenuates their inconsideration. They don’t know I’m on the spectrum, we don’t really know each other, but I am sure this is normal behaviour for them and yet it seems unreasonable when you share a house not to always be considerate, close doors quietly move slowly especially in the early hours of the morning.

But there seems to be no escaping surprises. One of the wonderful advantages of living in a camper was to be able to take myself away into the wilderness for awhile and just live amongst nature. But even then something unexpected can occur; a tree branch falling onto the roof can create the same reaction in me. I can’t expect the world to accommodate me and it seems that I can’t really adjust to living in the world either. But I’m making progress again. Acceptance of things I cannot change seems to be the key.

 

[Soleil]

Sudden social interaction is my biggest problem with surprises. I have a hard enough time dealing with people as it is.

Changes to my routine are aggravating, but I can get over it.
Changes of protocol- like, I'm at work, and they decide to change how we do things, or I'm given an extra assignment I don't normally do- can cause some anxiety because I'm worried I'm not doing it right.

I tend to feel pretty guilty if I break something, but I don't get too upset unless it was something I liked, in which case I'll sulk about it for a bit.

 

[Hylian]

Anything that I don't expect to happen really stresses me out. I have to have time to kind of mentally prepare for things.

 

[dragonfire42]

Anything unexpected that would require social interaction (such as someone unexpectedly stopping by or suddenly realizing I need to go to the store today) sends me into instant panic mode. Something breaking or otherwise going wrong might have me either frustrated or panicking initially, but then I would be Googling how to fix it myself. Anything I can’t fix, I’d then worry a lot about the social interaction necessary to get it fixed/replaced. Fortunately since I still live with my parents and don’t have my own car or anything, my mom handles the phone calls necessary for that, I have phone phobia.

Unless I’m expecting someone or have been told to, when I’m home alone, I don’t answer the door, and I also don’t answer the phone unless it’s someone I know or I’m expecting a call, my selective mutism acts up in those situations.

 

[Barymore]

and now imagine you marry into an italian family with a whole bunch of relatives living in the same village who pop by for a chat just because.....*sigh* when I asked my wife if she couldnt ask them to call first she was aghast and said "what, you mean like with strangers?".....ok.....fine...."and please try to be pleasant, look interested and be friendly! You always look like you dont enjoy them turning up!".....(sotto voce: maybe because i love them but absolutely hate the unexpected visits?)
My solution: train a habit that is cued by the unexpected appearance of family: say Hi! brightly and cheerily, ask if they want a coffee and go start making coffee whatever anyone says because that way I can hide my face 'til I get it rearranged back into friendly-neutral. Works quite well.

 

[Amphilyke]

depends on how much and how they affect me. people unexpectedly staying over at my parents' house is a little annoying, I'm rarely if ever capable of maintaining a daytime schedule so the fact that people usually end up staying in the basement makes things a little harder for me, since I'll typically need to use the kitchen. Unless I have my electric tea kettle, in which case I can get some instant noodles in my room, and it's usually how I make tea and I can buy a case of soda cans, etc. Somebody turning around and suddenly treating me like I'm a stranger or (considering how anxious I am, especially in romantic relationships) does something that confirms my worst fears (they rarely turn out to be well-founded, so it's it's a really bad shock when they do) things breaking upsets me, especially if it's something I use every day, but I try to have back ups when I can afford it, if it's a computer unfortunately it means I can't access my files and that is very upsetting.

I often dream of being surprised y spontaneous affection, I wish I could find a partner where that was on the table one day, but that's just not how my luck turns out. Surprises are rarely positive unfortunately. But I like it when nice things happen unexpectedly. It would be nice if they did so more often.

 

[Booknerd515]

I don’t deal with surprises well. My entire family knows this. I may get an anxiety/panic attack if it is too suddenly announced without warning. Doctors appointments are only scheduled on the same day as made if I’m really sick. My family normally tells me if they’re planning to go somewhere out where we live at least the day before so I’m aware. Also if I have a busy day during a week they tell me before so I am aware of it weeks in advance.

 

[Soleil]

I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow, and Friday I got a call saying the appointment will be over the phone, not in-person. While there's not real reason that I need to see someone in person, I do prefer to speak face-to-face; I try to avoid phone calls when I can.

So that kind of triggered some anxiety. My plans for the day have to change, and so do my expectations of how the day will go.

 

[Gracey]

Not great. Am improving slightly though.