So sick of being misunderstood

[Mr. Cat]

I'm always accused of being negative, stuck up, a know-it-all, and rude when I say even the plainest of things. I think it's my voice, which I guess is kind of monotone. It makes me incredibly depressed sometimes.

 

[EricD]

I know how you feel, Cat! I get that a lot too. Being misunderstood is like hitting a ball out of bounds on the last hole of a tournament with a one-stroke lead, it SUCKS! But just as you can learn to hit a straight ball, you can also, to the best of your ability, learn to handle conversation and social cues. That's something I'm not good at, but I try to imitate others. Don't get discouraged, its hard for the majority of those on the spectrum.

 

[Datura]

Yes, a great deal of emphasis is placed on intonation. I forget the exact figgures, but I have heard it said that the vast majority of human communication is contained in inflection and body language as oposed to the the words themselves. Considering this it is a wonder we spend so much time in school learning vocabulary and sentence structure while neglecting the rest of the picture. But I digress somewhat.

What kind of things do you say that cause people to consider you negative or stuck up? I have been told that the way I communicate is too "harsh". What this usually means is that I have stated something too directly and not prefaced it with the proper qualifiers in order to "soften the blow."

 

[Bird]

Yes! I hate the weird looks people give me when I say something they misinterpret. And when they take offense where none was intended.

 

[EricD]

Usually pouring out information in prodigious quantities. I can go on about the Rules of Golf, or the aerodynamics of the golf ball all day long!

 

[EricD]

Sometimes ri jusvt don't know when to stop!

 

[Maelstrom]

I'm always accused of being negative, stuck up, a know-it-all, and rude when I say even the plainest of things. I think it's my voice, which I guess is kind of monotone. It makes me incredibly depressed sometimes.

Join the aspie auti club Mr. Cat ...been there lived through that. my sympathies to you.
Things go a little better for me now days...but I still have bad days like today...some friends going sideways on me...no clue why?

 

[EricD]

The winds of friendship blow true here, Maelstrom! Same for Mr. Cat!

 

[Maelstrom]

Usually pouring out information in prodigious quantities. I can go on about the Rules of Golf, or the aerodynamics of the golf ball all day long!

Same here EricD ,I remind my self endlessly ask questions about their lives try to show signs of empathy, but sometimes my interests sneak up on me.... then I'm like hitting my head going home saying shut up shut up...etcetera....

 

[EricD]

Live long and prosper, Mr Cat!

 

[Persephone_]

hey... that happens to everyone.....I am a NT person, and is very common to happen to me.... People say I stand too strong on my point of view....and that nowadays is not normal....people are getting used to be like "everyone else", so, when you act on a different perspective that can be shocking...... people can be very stupid...

 

[Tom]

The figure I remember is people get 75% of the information in personnal communication via body language. That may include such things as voice and inflection. You can say the same exact thing with different vocal inflections and project very different meanings.

Unfortunately I don't have an easy answer. If you want to reduce negative reactions this seems to fall into the catagory of: Should the world change for me or I for the world, in this thing?

For example, monotone voice in NTs is often used to convey annoyance. So if you don't want to consistantly give people the erroneous impression you are annoyed at them you can, one, wear a placard around your neck that says 'I always speak in a monotone voice. Do not read anything into it' or two, learn to vary your voice in a way similar to typical speaking.

 

[Mr. Cat]

I don't usually have a problem with friends, they understand. It's more so people who are older than me, I guess thinking my tone is disrespectful or something. I have no clue. Back in school I tried to copy the tones of other girls, but I just ended up talking like a little anime girl and the sound of my voice began to annoy me way too much.

 

[Maelstrom]

I don't usually have a problem with friends, they understand. It's more so people who are older than me, I guess thinking my tone is disrespectful or something. I have no clue. Back in school I tried to copy the tones of other girls, but I just ended up talking like a little anime girl and the sound of my voice began to annoy me way too much.

My sympathies I get that too, it is why I tell people I'm autistic, I do sometimes pay a price for that, but it puts them on notice normal rules do not apply, and blocks some of the incorrect over reading of me.
If some gives me too much trouble I sometimes have to say "Hey I don't roll like every one else don't assume too much on me, ask if you need to where I stand on some thing".

That's about all I've got Mr. Cat ,good luck with things!

 

[EricD]

Maybe I should tell people I'm an Aspie so they don't assume too much?

 

[Mr. Cat]

Thanks, Maelstrom!

Only my mom and my boyfriend know I'm autistic. I fear telling people because people around here are generally completely uniformed about autism and have no idea what it is. I've asked loads of people what they think autism is and they most often think it's some sort of horrible disease synonymous with mental retardation.

 

[tree]

Maybe I should tell people I'm an Aspie so they don't assume too much?

Tell most people that and then
they will begin to assume a lot.
Not necessarily anything useful,
mind you.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thanks, Maelstrom!

Only my mom and my boyfriend know I'm autistic. I fear telling people because people around here are generally completely uniformed about autism and have no idea what it is. I've asked loads of people what they think autism is and they most often think it's some sort of horrible disease synonymous with mental retardation.

You are welcome Mr. Cat ,it is your choice don't do it unless you really want to. I use it to sort people, the ones who treat me like a retard, (which is sort of funny as I'm likely twice as smart as them), I reclassify as bad people to invest my time and friendship in. The ones who show empathy I try to make my life friends, a person can be really happy with one or two really nice empathic friends in life, so I personally view my autistic status as helpful in finding true friends. But I may be tougher than you on peoples view of me, so think it over carefully first, it isn't something you can take back....without moving.

Best wishes in life to you Mr. Cat , Mael

 

[LeroyT1000]

I've been thrown into the imitation game so young that I don't know what the true me is sometimes! That's enough to make anyone confused. I can be so enthusiastic with my tone of voice then I can be so distant lol!

 

[Bellatrix]

A subject I can relate to far too well. Too many people place far too much emphasis upon what they call tone, whilst downplaying the only thing that really matters - what a person is actually saying. I guess this is just one of those things the majority accept that I will simply never understand.