Socially appropriate interests (how to get them?)

[PastelPetals]

I have two sections of interests. Media and research.

Media interests tend to be long term passions typically still centered around learning but with a larger consumption aspect like kpop and uk panel shows.

The other is research. This is typically a shorter term or longer term in shorter phases due to the amount of hyperfocus these tend to induce. I end up burnt out so hyper about it I feel like I might explode so it's not healthy to have too much of that. Sadly my need to infodump gets unfulfilled due to the typically odd or controversial nature of these interests. Such as: The troubled teen industry, Special education and the similarly hellish industry surrounding that (clear personal investment there), hasidic judaism/ jewish renewal, neo hasidism, the alt right presence online etc etc

Anyway in order to talk to people about the things I know I need less polarizing/relatable/less morbid topics to talk about but I am not sure I get to choose that?? I know a lot about things that might help me in my future activism I want to do so that's nice I guess.

I assume I am not alone in having less that typical interests that then also make conversation awkward. What are yours?

 

[Au Naturel]

Nudism.

 

[Thinx]

I think mine are often more boring to others, than awkward. My partner's eyes tend to glaze over as I expound on this and that... especially psychology but really almost anything after more than a 5 minute soliloquy. Heh heh. Currently I am fascinated by hedges and field systems, she's vaguely interested if I keep it brief. As if!

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

My interests are Paleontology-Trilobites, and Aquatic macroinvertebrate ecosystems. These definitely are fringe.

 

[Owliet]

My problem is that I have some acceptable interests but if I am giving free-range I can ramble on and on, and I think that can make people feel bored. I’m trying to keep it concise when I talk about my interests.

 

[Judge]

Anyway in order to talk to people about the things I know I need less polarizing/relatable/less morbid topics to talk about but I am not sure I get to choose that?? I know a lot about things that might help me in my future activism I want to do so that's nice I guess.

To me, what you're asking just amounts to another form of masking. To pretend you're interested in something and to project it on a superficial level as a means to socialize with others.

Kind of like when I discuss sports minutia with my brother, or animals (particularly dogs) with my cousin. God forbid either of them are willing to discuss much of anything I like. But then like many of us here I'm more apt to deeply discuss much of anything with enthusiasm that often intimidates them.

Something that more often than not leaves me with the impression that this isn't how NTs want to share interests. At least not with that level of intensity.

Be careful what you wish for. You may find it. And find that it's not particularly rewarding to you personally. But that it may serve as a conduit to be more sociable to NTs but exclusively on their terms and not your own. Though it is a way to "keep the peace" with those so intent on having things their way.

Where you win, but you also lose.

 

[Rasputin]

I have two sections of interests. Media and research.

Media interests tend to be long term passions typically still centered around learning but with a larger consumption aspect like kpop and uk panel shows.

The other is research. This is typically a shorter term or longer term in shorter phases due to the amount of hyperfocus these tend to induce. I end up burnt out so hyper about it I feel like I might explode so it's not healthy to have too much of that. Sadly my need to infodump gets unfulfilled due to the typically odd or controversial nature of these interests. Such as: The troubled teen industry, Special education and the similarly hellish industry surrounding that (clear personal investment there), hasidic judaism/ jewish renewal, neo hasidism, the alt right presence online etc etc

Anyway in order to talk to people about the things I know I need less polarizing/relatable/less morbid topics to talk about but I am not sure I get to choose that?? I know a lot about things that might help me in my future activism I want to do so that's nice I guess.

I assume I am not alone in having less that typical interests that then also make conversation awkward. What are yours?

My newest special interest is in refilling Nespresso Vertuo coffee/espresso pods, lowering the cost from $1.10 per cup to approximately 15 cents per cup.

More long-term special interests are:
- Lithuanian & Prussian culture and history
- DNA testing, genealogy, and health
- Virtual team leadership (intercultural)
- American collegiate football, LSU and Nebraska
- Electronic devices and connectivity
- World travel (see Rasputin’s album)

Science and mathematics are general aptitudes from which some special interests spring.

 

[Suzette]

My newest special interest is in refilling Nespresso Vertuo coffee/espresso pods, lowering the cost from $1.10 per cup to approximately 15 cents per cup.

A fellow cheapskate! This Nespresso pod experiment is just the kind of thing I like most. Not for the thrift but because I just find it fun. I love figuring out how much my meals cost per serving too. And how much it costs to use various appliances for a period of time. How to drive a car to maximize gas mileage etc.

My wider interests are:
Historical cooking
Histroical costume
Costuming in general
Enamels on metal
I love DIY chemistry and physics experiements
And a whole bunch of other stuff.

At one time or another I think I have been interested in just about everything. But my interests are so varried that it actually makes it difficult to have a conversation about anything specific. I am not an expert on any subject.

Also I tend to get really interested in something for a few weeks, then move on to something else. I don't really forget previous subjects, I just make room in my mid range memory for other things. Given time to pull out my notes or re-read a book on the subject it all comes back to me. But seldom is that info available so that I can converse about it spontaneously.

I don't think it nessisary to cultivate interests so that others have something to like about you. The way I look at it, if someone needs you to entertain them by being interesting FOR them, they are not really your friend and not worthy if you time.

 

[Kalinychta]

Anyway in order to talk to people about the things I know I need less polarizing/relatable/less morbid topics to talk about but I am not sure I get to choose that??

Which people do you want to talk to about the things you know, and in what sorts of contexts/situations? Normally people don’t go into great depth about their personal interests unless they’re discussing them with people who are also interested in them. In casual, everyday interactions, there’s nothing wrong with telling someone what you’re interested in and/or giving a general overview, but you might bore or annoy them if you expound too much, same as you would if your interests were more “socially appropriate” e.g. cooking or movies or whatever.

Most of the topics you listed don’t strike me as socially inappropriate, per se (except the alt right political one), and tons of people are interested in those same things, so I wouldn’t think you’d have much trouble finding like-minded people to discuss them with.

 

[FlowerFlo]

My have a few special interests that would be considered akward. But i also got quite early into adult topics as a child and started reading my moms books when i was nine. I still remember reading my first adult book. It was about a jewish girl in world war 2 (people in suffering where always interesting for me ) and i was really scared that my mom would find out i read it.

 

[PastelPetals]

Which people do you want to talk to about the things you know, and in what sorts of contexts/situations? Normally people don’t go into great depth about their personal interests unless they’re discussing them with people who are also interested in them. In casual, everyday interactions, there’s nothing wrong with telling someone what you’re interested in and/or giving a general overview, but you might bore or annoy them if you expound too much, same as you would if your interests were more “socially appropriate” e.g. cooking or movies or whatever.

Most of the topics you listed don’t strike me as socially inappropriate, per se (except the alt right political one), and tons of people are interested in those same things, so I wouldn’t think you’d have much trouble finding like-minded people to discuss them with.

Yes I guess it's more about maybe the intensity of the way I present my interests. Actually it tends to be easier to talk about the alt right with others than other things considering I am not on the alt right and learn this stuff to advocate against it but I can remove my emotions and excitability from it more than I can other things.

I guess it comes down to context and the way I present my interests. I don't want to converse I more want to lecture and I can get carried away.

 

[Richelle-H]

Well, being a quintessential geek, I am deep into distributed processing and how the current models in computing miss that mark by a distance that both irritates and annoys. The current, Microsoft, Apple, Chromebook designs are self limiting and may be adequate for the masses, but I want so much more, and it could be so much more if the focus had not slipped toward convenience and a decided narrowing of imaginative uses for technology. Innovation gets squashed because of economics and I have railed against the directions of computer technology almost every year since I became aware.

Just my two cents, but then I know way too much about computers and all the "and, "or", and "if" decision gates that make up a microprocessor. Millions of bits being manipulated in nanoseconds of time. I am not interested in the uses these mechanics are put towards, rather the still primitive architecture that modern day computers are based on. It has evolved little inn my lifetime, just gotten smaller and smaller in the footprint necessary to implement applications. In my estimation this is false progress.

 

[thundabutt]

why not the old standard? Pokemon.If that's too childish for you why not role playing board games with figurines that you paint? If youre good at math that is a solution

 

[Rasputin]

A fellow cheapskate! This Nespresso pod experiment is just the kind of thing I like most. Not for the thrift but because I just find it fun. I love figuring out how much my meals cost per serving too. And how much it costs to use various appliances for a period of time. How to drive a car to maximize gas mileage etc.

My wider interests are:
Historical cooking
Histroical costume
Costuming in general
Enamels on metal
I love DIY chemistry and physics experiements
And a whole bunch of other stuff.

At one time or another I think I have been interested in just about everything. But my interests are so varried that it actually makes it difficult to have a conversation about anything specific. I am not an expert on any subject.

Also I tend to get really interested in something for a few weeks, then move on to something else. I don't really forget previous subjects, I just make room in my mid range memory for other things. Given time to pull out my notes or re-read a book on the subject it all comes back to me. But seldom is that info available so that I can converse about it spontaneously.

I don't think it nessisary to cultivate interests so that others have something to like about you. The way I look at it, if someone needs you to entertain them by being interesting FOR them, they are not really your friend and not worthy if you time.

Suzette, we are definitely alike. Right down to diy chemistry experiments. I majored in Chemistry, Math, and Computer Science in college, and found it impossible to narrow my interests. My interests are very fluid, as I research anything that captures my attention. After my questions have been answered, I tend to move on to the next thing that captures my interest. So, yeah we sound like we have much in common.

By the way, refilling and sealing Nespresso pods is very easy with a kit I found on Amazon. And, the beverage produced is nearly identical to that produced from the expensive pods sold by Nespresso.

 

[Suzette]

By the way, refilling and sealing Nespresso pods is very easy with a kit I found on Amazon. And, the beverage produced is nearly identical to that produced from the expensive pods sold by Nespresso

I would love a Nespresso machine but, I live on a boat so we don't have electricity to run one unless we are in a marina. So I bought a Minipresso NS. It's ok but not great. I have wanted to experiment with a refill kit but I'll probably save my money for a machine instead.

I am happy to know a fellow curiosity seeker. There us something cool or amazing around every corner! One of the reasons I doubted my a.s.d was because of my wide interests but I am learning that varied interests are just as common as singular, expert level knowledge of one subject.

 

[Hypnalis]

@PastelPetals

The thread title has a question in it that's not covered in your posts.
Do you want to discuss interacting with NT's without boring ether them or yourself?

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Dolls (reborn particularly)

 

[Tuffsy]

I am wondering if my "interests" are ever "socially appropriate". As an Aspie my interests are nearly always obsessions. I think this can be quite socially unacceptable. For example, as a musician I like to perfect every song I learn and if someone else isn't playing it right I get annoyed and often say inappropriate things. This often results in a parting of the ways, and is why I nearly always play music solo. Sad but true!

 

[Au Naturel]

There is no such thing as a "socially inappropriate" interest unless you're getting into violations of the law. Even then, there are illegal activities that can be discussed appropriately. What makes something appropriate or not is the other partner in the conversation. If you want to talk about marine biology, talk to a fellow enthusiast, not a random person you ended up in a conversation with.

An NT usually has a variety of shallow and popular topics they can talk about. The most common is talking about themself. Learn to smile and nod and agree at the appropriate times and you have most of it down.

Do you want other people to yak at you about their sports preferences or what a meanie their boss is or how wonderful they are? That's exactly how an average NT feels about being talked at about a topic they have no interest in. They have nothing to contribute and aren't interested enough to ask anything, so they end up being lectured. Nobody likes being lectured.

Conversations are rarely about content and usually about the activity itself. Like a flock of birds in a tree all chirping at each other. Deep conversations are a rarity.

 

[PastelPetals]

@PastelPetals

The thread title has a question in it that's not covered in your posts.
Do you want to discuss interacting with NT's without boring ether them or yourself?

Ah yes I do tend to get carried away with my posts and drift topics. Yes I would actually this thread came about due to being asked what my interests were but not being able to give an answer that would not weird others out. Often I just say music but I have so many passions they just all seem controversial. I can't really do small talk and at times I come across as morbid due to the types of info I memorize.