Something I don’t understand...bullying

[Dillon]

i want to make this post because there is something I absolutely cannot stand and that’s bullying in general. It makes me upset hearing some of your stories, being victims of bullying because you’re not like the majority or whatever it may be that excludes you. I’ve been there and it sucked to no end
I witnessed some bullying going on on my college campus yesterday personally. I was at the library with a good friend of mine who brought her friend and I brought another friend of mine where we all studied for a Chemistry exam. The good friend I’m talking about here she has some senroy overload issues and has some symptoms of an aspie from what I can tell but she so uncomfortable to tell me which that is totally ok. Anyway we were working and my friend is explaining how to do some of the problems and such since I dont understand what’s going on I. That class anymore. Now the friend I brought along, he had the nerve to mummble under his breath “Iam sick of you” but tried to turn it around as a joke saying “I’m sick of not understanding this stuff” and I knew full well what he said. The guy didn’t want to listen or didnhis own thing to the point my friend kind of panicked gave up and left the study room and her other friend while my friend is telling her to chill out and starts laughing...
Once they left, me and him were in the room together. He asked “what did I do I was just playing” I was already fuming and told him that I did not appreciate what he said at all and even him talking behind her back at times when I’m with him saying how weird she was and I made sure he knew that. I also let him know that he is not welcome to join us again and I know that was maybe wrong to say but I knew he would do this and I’m not going to have someone treat a friend of mine like that. I haven’t talked to him all day since that night.
I made sure my friend was ok after I had that talk with him cause her feelings got hurt really bad but gladly she’s ok.

The point is I just don’t understand why people have the need to be so crappy to another person based on how one acts or how one looks. The way I stood up for my friend I would do the same thing again cause I get sick of seeing things like this and it’s something I normally don’t do.

 

[Fino]

After a decade of contemplation, my conclusion, as of now, is that humans suck.

 

[SunnyDay16]

i want to make this post because there is something I absolutely cannot stand and that’s bullying in general. It makes me upset hearing some of your stories, being victims of bullying because you’re not like the majority or whatever it may be that excludes you. I’ve been there and it sucked to no end
I witnessed some bullying going on on my college campus yesterday personally. I was at the library with a good friend of mine who brought her friend and I brought another friend of mine where we all studied for a Chemistry exam. The good friend I’m talking about here she has some senroy overload issues and has some symptoms of an aspie from what I can tell but she so uncomfortable to tell me which that is totally ok. Anyway we were working and my friend is explaining how to do some of the problems and such since I dont understand what’s going on I. That class anymore. Now the friend I brought along, he had the nerve to mummble under his breath “Iam sick of you” but tried to turn it around as a joke saying “I’m sick of not understanding this stuff” and I knew full well what he said. The guy didn’t want to listen or didnhis own thing to the point my friend kind of panicked gave up and left the study room and her other friend while my friend is telling her to chill out and starts laughing...
Once they left, me and him were in the room together. He asked “what did I do I was just playing” I was already fuming and told him that I did not appreciate what he said at all and even him talking behind her back at times when I’m with him saying how weird she was and I made sure he knew that. I also let him know that he is not welcome to join us again and I know that was maybe wrong to say but I knew he would do this and I’m not going to have someone treat a friend of mine like that. I haven’t talked to him all day since that night.
I made sure my friend was ok after I had that talk with him cause her feelings got hurt really bad but gladly she’s ok.

The point is I just don’t understand why people have the need to be so crappy to another person based on how one acts or how one looks. The way I stood up for my friend I would do the same thing again cause I get sick of seeing things like this and it’s something I normally don’t do.

That is something I don't really understand either. Sure, we're all human and have said or done something that unintentionally hurt someone, but to go out of your way to cause someone pain who has done nothing to you is beyond me. The lengths some people will go to make another person feel bad is both saddening and pathetic.

 

[Dillon]

That is something I don't really understand either. Sure, we're all human and have said or done something that unintentionally hurt someone, but to go out of your way to cause someone pain who has done nothing to you is beyond me. The lengths some people will go to make another person feel bad is both saddening and pathetic.

It’s like I told a friend the other day we all make mistakes but that’s does not intentionally mean we are bad nor good people things just happen and promises are broken on accident but when someone wants to continue the same habit over and over and they know it’s wrong and still does it anyway then that’s a problem to where eventually that person cannot dig themselves out of a situation they had created in the long run

 

[Progster]

I don't get it either. I don't understand why a person would deliberately hurt another human being. I have been on the receiving end but never on the giving end, so I can't relate to this behaviour. It's about as low as a human being can get.

 

[Theta.G]

In general people want others to feel how they feel. To go through what they're going through.

Misery enjoys company... Misery will try to drag those who aren't miserable down to their level.
Joy and ecstasy likewise wants to spread itself around. And bring others into it's sphere influence.

Spoiler

Like attracts like. Matter is constantly vibrating. The cells and atoms in your body resonating on a certain frequency which attracts other people who are vibrating on the same frequency. When you are in a state of fear or misery the frequency of vibration is very low. When you're in a state of bliss and love your being is vibrating at a high frequency. Dogs can pick up on this and usually bark wildly at low frequency people.

If you have a teen who is abused by their parents, siblings whatever / in a bad situation that they are powerless to change... then 1 of 2 things happens. They internalize it and acquire numerous health issues or they externalize it in areas where they could effect change. In school this would be seen as vulnerable targets. Either way it has to be expressed somewhere since the main situation cannot be resolved.

If you have a young adult who is in good health and wealth odds are they would share their riches with their friends or family. I'll pay for dinner, don't you worry . Drinks are on me tonight. Hey, would you like to come to this concert with me? i'll pay for your ticket. Socially, compliments and good advice.

 

[Otenba]

Some people get a thrill out of winding up others because it amuses them (that's what one person has admitted to me their thinking behind their behaviour like this - they saw it as worthy of bragging). Despite having these sorts of interactions and responses, I don't get the appeal either (see trolling and similar behaviour too; it seems a popular thing to be like on the internet for some reason, and people argue that it is harmless fun when it's not since it's intended to upset someone at their expense).

It might be an immaturity thing, or an insecurity thing, or they just think the person they're affecting is a threat of some kind... in the story you posted, if I have understood it correctly, perhaps the friend being seen as finding it difficult to learn the topic is being seen as a threat to the person who claims to be sick of them's own education; but this is pure speculation. If they're deep in denial about their own behaviour, they won't know why they've been like that because they think they've done nothing wrong.

The "reason to be like this" bar can be a very low level for many people. There is a plus side for you though that witnessing this behaviour does - you know that they're very unlikely to be a good person to be friends with or keep around in general. You likely cannot trust them. They're probably only around because they're taking advantage of you in some way, and from the sounds of it, they're happy to trash your other friendships because they know you'll stick around them.

Sometimes this bad behaviour can be a cry for help but if you're not in a position to help them, or they don't want to be saved, then you're best to protect yourself by adjusting your boundaries. They won't do that for you because that means taking responsibility for their behaviour and they've already shown they're not interested in doing that.

Just to add, beware silently supporting the bullying by not helping the victim and so protecting the harmful status quo. Sometimes them knowing that you do not like their behaviour can get them to consider stopping but if they're not really your friend, they won't care.

 

[Pats]

@Sportster - I always loved Billy Jack. Maybe they need to make more movies like that to show bullies how stupid they actually look to everyone else outside their little group.
I think we all agree that it's bad and it doesn't make sense to us at all. I guess they have something going on with them that causes them to be mean to others which causes them to have a hard time with life and they don't like seeing nice people because they don't know how to handle nice. Doesn't excuse their behavior. Just try to remember that they don't know how to handle love and niceness because they probably lack that in their own lives. Even those rich kids that bully. More often than not, they are lashing out. They have every possession they want, but what they really want is love and don't know how to get it. My sister was married to a doctor and she and their three kids had everything they want. But I know the parents and know that neither of them were capable of giving anything other than possessions. My sister once told me that she was seeing a therapist and working on showing affection so she was going to practice on the cat. The cat??? Why not the kids? Those kids were and still are some of the most messed up kids I've ever seen.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I was already fuming and told him that I did not appreciate what he said at all and even him talking behind her back at times when I’m with him saying how weird she was and I made sure he knew that. I also let him know that he is not welcome to join us again and I know that was maybe wrong to say but I knew he would do this and I’m not going to have someone treat a friend of mine like that.

That was absolutely, 100% the right thing to do. It doesn’t take the whole world to shut down a bully - just a few people standing up to them will do it. If even just a small percentage of people stood up to them like you did, there wouldn’t be any bullies.

 

[Fino]

I have a thirteen year old student who relishes violence, and he's also intelligent, analytical, and eloquent. I thought maybe with that combination he could have some explanation for what it is about violence that he finds appealing.

He answered, "Because it's fun?"

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I don't know. It just is. Everything is better with violence, look at all the movies that do well."

Maybe sometimes people are violent just because?

 

[Dillon]

There also come a time where I have to be careful because I had a few freiends who were not actually my friends rather the wanted to aggravate my on purpose. For the past week or so I had been talking to this girl that goes to school with me and have the same class together. She would always be the first to text me back and such. There were two or three times I would ask her if she wanted to meet up somewhere just to get to know each other more and she’s like I love to do that. However she keeps making excuses as to why she didn’t want to meet up and I’m like ok maybe next week then. The problem is that it takes her like a whole day for her to respond to me I wouldn’t have had a problem if it had been a few hours but something told me she didn’t want to talk to me at all. What happened yesterday though I did not appreciate we decided to meet somewhere to grab something to eat I go over where we are meeting and I’m waiting an hour for her. I finally text her back and ask where are you at and she says oh I’m hanging out with my other friends I’d much rather hang with them than with you, I just wanted to mess with you for a bit. I had gotten upset to no end I thought she was a friend I could’ve counted on and not realizing she would do this. Don’t say you really want to do something with me and then deceive me like that.
The thing is your friends can sometimes turn on you and become the bully.

 

[Nervous Rex]

I finally text her back and ask where are you at and she says oh I’m hanging out with my other friends I’d much rather hang with them than with you, I just wanted to mess with you for a bit.

That was cruel and heartless. I'm so sorry.

If it is any comfort, the need that that girl has to manipulate your attention indicates some insecurity on her part. She's not intrinsically happy with herself and is using you as a distraction from that.

I've learned to invite, and then wait to see if the other person reciprocates. If the other person doesn't reply, or respond positively, I assume they didn't want to get together and were just being polite when I made the invitation, and I let it go. It keeps me from hanging on someone else's word or from being an annoyance or a toy to them. I worry that there are some that would want me to be a more active friend, but I think this is the safest course for me.

 

[Theta.G]

I have a thirteen year old student who relishes violence, and he's also intelligent, analytical, and eloquent. I thought maybe with that combination he could have some explanation for what it is about violence that he finds appealing.

He answered, "Because it's fun?"

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I don't know. It just is. Everything is better with violence, look at all the movies that do well."

Maybe sometimes people are violence just because?

There also come a time where I have to be careful because I had a few freiends who were not actually my friends rather the wanted to aggravate my on purpose. For the past week or so I had been talking to this girl that goes to school with me and have the same class together. She would always be the first to text me back and such. There were two or three times I would ask her if she wanted to meet up somewhere just to get to know each other more and she’s like I love to do that. However she keeps making excuses as to why she didn’t want to meet up and I’m like ok maybe next week then. The problem is that it takes her like a whole day for her to respond to me I wouldn’t have had a problem if it had been a few hours but something told me she didn’t want to talk to me at all. What happened yesterday though I did not appreciate we decided to meet somewhere to grab something to eat I go over where we are meeting and I’m waiting an hour for her. I finally text her back and ask where are you at and she says oh I’m hanging out with my other friends I’d much rather hang with them than with you, I just wanted to mess with you for a bit. I had gotten upset to no end I thought she was a friend I could’ve counted on and not realizing she would do this. Don’t say you really want to do something with me and then deceive me like that.
The thing is your friends can sometimes turn on you and become the bully.

Friends... they stab you in the back.
Enemies stab you in the front.

 

[SunnyDay16]

There also come a time where I have to be careful because I had a few freiends who were not actually my friends rather the wanted to aggravate my on purpose. For the past week or so I had been talking to this girl that goes to school with me and have the same class together. She would always be the first to text me back and such. There were two or three times I would ask her if she wanted to meet up somewhere just to get to know each other more and she’s like I love to do that. However she keeps making excuses as to why she didn’t want to meet up and I’m like ok maybe next week then. The problem is that it takes her like a whole day for her to respond to me I wouldn’t have had a problem if it had been a few hours but something told me she didn’t want to talk to me at all. What happened yesterday though I did not appreciate we decided to meet somewhere to grab something to eat I go over where we are meeting and I’m waiting an hour for her. I finally text her back and ask where are you at and she says oh I’m hanging out with my other friends I’d much rather hang with them than with you, I just wanted to mess with you for a bit. I had gotten upset to no end I thought she was a friend I could’ve counted on and not realizing she would do this. Don’t say you really want to do something with me and then deceive me like that.
The thing is your friends can sometimes turn on you and become the bully.

Drop that friend.

Some friends can be more flakey than others, they either forget things easily or are too passive to be honest about what they really want, so it's not always with malicious intent. These kind of friends you can probably work with if you directly let them know how their flaking makes you feel (ex: "It makes me feel like I don't really matter when you don't want to do anything with me or cancel our plans constantly.")

With that particular friend, it seems she falls into the second category. She doesn't seem to care much about you or your needs based on how she was toying with you. Thus, this makes her not a friend at all, because friends don't do that stuff.

 

[Dillon]

Drop that friend.

Some friends can be more flakey than others, they either forget things easily or are too passive to be honest about what they really want, so it's not always with malicious intent. These kind of friends you can probably work with if you directly let them know how their flaking makes you feel (ex: "It makes me feel like I don't really matter when you don't want to do anything with me or cancel our plans constantly.")

With that particular friend, it seems she falls into the second category. She doesn't seem to care much about you or your needs based on how she was toying with you. Thus, this makes her not a friend at all, because friends don't do that stuff.

I actually told her about how she’s been making me feel and she got all offended and saying that how she failed me as a friend...I don’t think she was my friend to begin with when she’s treating me like that.
Also she asked the other day when my birthday was so she can put it down on her calander...I don’t know her that well enough for her to do that and don’t know what to think of that.

 

[Pats]

I actually told her about how she’s been making me feel and she got all offended and saying that how she failed me as a friend...I don’t think she was my friend to begin with when she’s treating me like that.
Also she asked the other day when my birthday was so she can put it down on her calander...I don’t know her that well enough for her to do that and don’t know what to think of that.

She isn't a friend and I wouldn't give your birthday and if she wants to know why, tell her she has given you reason not to trust her. She's mean and heartless. I said earlier that there are reason for these kinds of actions, but it does NOT excuse it.

 

[Dillon]

She isn't a friend and I wouldn't give your birthday and if she wants to know why, tell her she has given you reason not to trust her. She's mean and heartless. I said earlier that there are reason for these kinds of actions, but it does NOT excuse it.

Oh no I did not even give out that info to her. I get a txt from her the other day asking but I didn’t respond because I felt uncomfortable besides the way she’s been treating me is just unacceptable.

 

[Otenba]

I have a thirteen year old student who relishes violence, and he's also intelligent, analytical, and eloquent. I thought maybe with that combination he could have some explanation for what it is about violence that he finds appealing.

He answered, "Because it's fun?"

I asked, "Why?"

He said, "I don't know. It just is. Everything is better with violence, look at all the movies that do well."

Maybe sometimes people are violence just because?

That is very sad. I feel sorry for that kid.

 

[Isadoorian]

I've thankfully never been bullied in my years of school, but I do know that people generally do it to make themselves feel better. Or they do it for the sense of control and power, like how a CEO has power and control over his Business Empire. They'll also do it because generally they have something going on in their lives that they have no control over (death in the family that they've taken pretty hard, abusive family member, or someone in their family with a alcohol/drug problem) and they think the only way to get rid of all that pent up emotion is to take it out on someone else and they'd rather do that than seek help because otherwise they might be seen as weak to depend on someone else to help them.

 

[TheFreeCat]

This may be a post people don't like. But I had the misfortune to live with a bully. I tried to understand. I thought he was hurt or sad or crying for help.

Instead, I saw he had a great capacity for joy. He cared for animals. He helped people out, the "worthy ones" . But when he had a bead on someone, pure evil. There is no way even to describe.

This dichotomy I could not understand.

Sometimes I think there is an animal instinct. Other species kill and eat the weak. It seems those of us who are weak are bullied for no other reason than "it's fun", it's entertaining, it's therapy for them, it's like a good workout. No guilt needed if they bully a weak person. It really was an event for them to engage in, have a good time, and forget.

It leave little impression on them and they forget. The victim remembers forever.

It chills me to this day. No therapy has even come close to erasing that trauma.