Something I don’t understand...bullying

[Horsegirl]

I hate bullying too.
It's my first year of high school, and I've experienced more than ever now. I don't really want to go into detail about that at the moment.
This is also happening to one of my very good friends. She has a cognitive learning disorder. She was also born seven weeks prematurely, so she doesn't look exactly normal. Her eyes are a little crooked, and she trips over a lot of things because she has no depth perception.
She is also one of the nicest people you will ever meet. And she is really smart, she just has a different style of learning. Yet people say shes ugly, weird, stupid, etc. Couldn't be further from the truth.
Day before yesterday, somebody shoved her to the ground, pinned her there and started punching her face. I was inside at the time and I saw this out the window. I ran outside and pulled this guy off of her. But she was already unconscious because she had been hit in the head so many times. She was unconscious for five minutes. And then she called her mom to pick her up.
But it pushes me over the edge when stuff like this happens.

 

[sidd851]

I hate bullying too.
It's my first year of high school, and I've experienced more than ever now. I don't really want to go into detail about that at the moment.
This is also happening to one of my very good friends. She has a cognitive learning disorder. She was also born seven weeks prematurely, so she doesn't look exactly normal. Her eyes are a little crooked, and she trips over a lot of things because she has no depth perception.
She is also one of the nicest people you will ever meet. And she is really smart, she just has a different style of learning. Yet people say shes ugly, weird, stupid, etc. Couldn't be further from the truth.
Day before yesterday, somebody shoved her to the ground, pinned her there and started punching her face. I was inside at the time and I saw this out the window. I ran outside and pulled this guy off of her. But she was already unconscious because she had been hit in the head so many times. She was unconscious for five minutes. And then she called her mom to pick her up.
But it pushes me over the edge when stuff like this happens.

I wish I had it in me to spend the rest of my life damaging, maiming, people like that.

I cried reading this.

You and your friend are in my
thoughts and meditations.

Love to you both.

 

[Xerces Blue]

I hate bullying too.
It's my first year of high school, and I've experienced more than ever now. I don't really want to go into detail about that at the moment.
This is also happening to one of my very good friends. She has a cognitive learning disorder. She was also born seven weeks prematurely, so she doesn't look exactly normal. Her eyes are a little crooked, and she trips over a lot of things because she has no depth perception.
She is also one of the nicest people you will ever meet. And she is really smart, she just has a different style of learning. Yet people say shes ugly, weird, stupid, etc. Couldn't be further from the truth.
Day before yesterday, somebody shoved her to the ground, pinned her there and started punching her face. I was inside at the time and I saw this out the window. I ran outside and pulled this guy off of her. But she was already unconscious because she had been hit in the head so many times. She was unconscious for five minutes. And then she called her mom to pick her up.
But it pushes me over the edge when stuff like this happens.

This goes beyond bullying this is assault and battery.
Whoever did this needs to face charges.

It's understandable if she doesn't want to deal with the courts but someone needs to put that guy in his place.

 

[Daydreamer]

I have been bullied, and regretfully I've also been the bully. Some people say that I was just fighting back, but I think it went beyond that. I was emotionally hurt and I took it out on those closest to me. During Primary and Secondary, I was bullied. Sometimes I was even bullied outside of school. Primary was the worst because it took a toll of my confidence, self-worth, and made me hurt those I cared about. Although then again, Secondary wasn't easy either.

The part I hated the most was feeling hopeless, I was being physically hurt everyday and the teacher just told me to toughen up and deal with it. I felt like I had no one to turn to, and that made me frustrated. My best friend would side with both of my bullies, and although that annoyed me at the time I realise now that she had little choice. One of my bullies had a rich mother who would donate to and help the school, so naturally that gave them a lot of power.

If my best friend had stood up for herself and sided with me, then the bully's mother would've gotten the school involved and would claim that her daughter was being excluded. We were forced to hang out with this girl as a result, regardless of any bad treatment she took part in. This wasn't just in school either, we were expected to go to various social events and if we didn't then her mother would get us in trouble. I once reported the bullying, but of course because her mother had power... my complaints were ignored and the whole thing was simply swept under the rug.

My other bully would kick me under the desk every minute of each lesson, which made trying to concentrate quite difficult because my legs were constantly throbbing with pain. Sometimes I rang for my parents to pick me up after school because it hurt too much whenever I walked. I grew used to my legs being covered with bruises all the time and walking with a limp. But of course, my teachers refused to get involved in that one as well, and I was told to just deal with the pain.

I wanted someone to blame, and somewhere to channel all my emotions. So I ended up taking it out on my best friend. All the stress (from having to look after the school whenever my teachers left...they were neglectful and it was not uncommon for them to leave everything unattended whilst they went out...probably to the pub...and left a few of us to take care of the school, it was pure chaos) the anger (from a sense of injustice) the childhood depression (from a mixture of things) and the self-hatred (thanks to my school counsellor telling me that I was stupid, worthless, and that I'd never amount to anything).

Small things that annoyed me a little about my best friend suddenly seemed to irritate me a lot more because I was upset that she was siding with my bullies, and I tried to repress down my feelings due to the "Just toughen up" advice my teacher gave. However, if you've ever tried to ignore your emotions then you'll know that these things have a tendency to blow up in your face, and that's what they did. If I was more emotionally mature and had been in a more logical state of mind at the time, I would've talked to her about it...but instead I ended up physically hurting her, and then hurting myself because I thought that's what I deserved. Everything about my school situation was messed up, I can't believe that I used to think this was normal because I didn't known any different. The "Treat others how you wish to be treated yourself" advice would annoy me, because I wanted to scream "What if I want others to punish me because I see myself as worthless?". Glad I'm in a better state of mind now.

 

[Fino]

That thing about there being evil people is something I've gone back and forth with, between accepting that there is and it just is, and that it's something more complex, where everything apparently evil is the logical result of unseen factors. Then my head explodes.

 

[sidd851]

Quite simply:

Bullies are able to disconnect from
empathy, or they never had it.

If it is a disconnect, it is a willful one.
This could be described as "evil".
As disconnecting is a choice,
I feel no pity or sorrow for them.

If they never had empathy,
I would suggest some
sort of disability or illness.
This is where the descriptor "evil" gets
a little fuzzy.
If a person is afflicted in such a way,
their personal freedom, and the safety
of the population at large must be balanced.

If the reason for individual humans to
bully or fight has traditionally been
a materialistic one, then the transition
to bullying for something abstract like
idiosyncracy or intelligence or appearance,
or difference in belief or practice or
opinion, is problematic.

If the reason for bullying did not
derive from materialistic causes,
it is then more troubling,
as commentary on human morality.

I will admit, there are other, perhaps
compelling arguments, for the cause
or origin of bullying.
None of them make the reality
more palatable.

I, also, was bullied as a child.
Sometimes still am.
But the frequency, and the outcomes
have changed, somewhat.
I began bodybuilding at 21 or 22,
began follow-up on martial arts training
started at a young age.
The respect for my size, and
collision with the self-confidence
engendered by the training was enough to
stop quite a few would-be bullies.

Not all of them.

I am happy to say that I have never bullied.

That has not stopped me, however,
when I have been forced to defend myself,
another, or others,
from belittling and humiliating the
ever lovin' crap out of the bully.

I don't know why I felt the need to
share this. Just a hatred of bullying
and bullies, I suppose.

Perhaps, also to show that it can be
changed. You can change.

May you be well.

sidd

 

[Gritches]

It's the predatory nature of humans. If they see weakness, they'll attack; they don't know why, they don't think it through, they just sort of act on feeling rather than on reason.

I once threw it back in a bully's face. I asked him "Do you even know why you hate me? Like specifically, why do you hate me? You don't know, do you?" I didn't think that would work, but I saw his gaze go blank and could practically see the gears turning in his head. He was nice to me from then on. But it sort of proves what I mean when I say that they don't think about it too hard.

Being that the status quo, I agree with the statement that what it boils down to is that people just...suck. They simply suck.

 

[Fino]

It's the predatory nature of humans. If they see weakness, they'll attack; they don't know why, they don't think it through, they just sort of act on feeling rather than on reason.

I once threw it back in a bully's face. I asked him "Do you even know why you hate me? Like specifically, why do you hate me? You don't know, do you?" I didn't think that would work, but I saw his gaze go blank and could practically see the gears turning in his head. He was nice to me from then on. But it sort of proves what I mean when I say that they don't think about it too hard.

Being that the status quo, I agree with the statement that what it boils down to is that people just...suck. They simply suck.

I had someone who would go on long, over-the-top tirades about how much he hated me, full of expletives and disturbing threats, and I never once thought to ask why he hated me! You're a genius! And I'm not! LOL

 

[Fino]

That is so true. I shared the story of the ducks in a similar thread, but I'll share it here. I'm reminded of some ducks some friends had that I cared for while they were on vacation. They were mallards and quite interesting to watch. There was one that had an odd foot and had trouble swimming around or being able to force his way into the feeding line. Whenever he'd try, the other ducks would peck at him; he was different, so they treated him shamefully not unlike humans.

I was appalled at what I witnessed. After watching the spectacle for several minutes, I got the hose and whenever the other ducks were mean or prevented him from eating, I'd spray them with it. As long as I was around he was able to eat.

OMG I knew I shouldn't have read on when I saw that it was a duck story and in this thread, but I couldn't stop myself. I've been idealizing ducks! What have you done! *gets punched in the face by reality*

 

[Fino]

Thank you LOL That helped! That's exactly what I've been pretending about them!

I...

LOVE...

DUCKS!!!

 

[Bronzelincolns]

it's the way of dealing with one's own inadequacy by making someone else feel the same.

99 times out 100, bullies are damaged individuals dealing with their own neurosis.