Sometimes I need to be sedated.

[AspieOtaku]

My anxiety gets out of control, I scream and self harm get in the mode of hating myself to the point of suicidal attempts at times, bloody arms from self inflicted wounds followed by panic and screaming at times I need to be forced to calm down.

 

[Fino]

Do you have medication for that?

Or were you the one in the other thread where I mentioned medication and you said stuff about diet or supplements or something?

I need to be sedated 24/7.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Do you have medication for that?

Or were you the one in the other thread where I mentioned medication and you said stuff about diet or supplements or something?

I need to be sedated 24/7.

I get medicated ativan but don't like the side effects, taking weed with high cbd strains but not proud most of society frowns on weed, its kept me alive and calm though, especially harlequin.

 

[Fino]

Did you tell your doctor you don't like the side-effects? There are many others.

And I've been under the impression that most of society approves of weed, but I suppose that's because I live in LA.

Not that society's approval is relevant.

 

[Major Tom]

 

[AspieOtaku]

Did you tell your doctor you don't like the side-effects? There are many others.

And I've been under the impression that most of society approves of weed, but I suppose that's because I live in LA.

Not that society's approval is relevant.

My family is very conservative, I grew up in a generation when it was very illegal, I keep the weed on the down low and only let them think I'm taking benzos so they aren't mad at me.it does not help when that my father is a pharmacist and a republican either, in the San Joaquin valley its very conservative, luckily I live on my own in the bay area, marijuana is supported here but I still feel guilt at times taking it, its how I was raised.

 

[Fino]

That's mind-blowing and hilarious in a way that conservatism looks favorably upon benzos and not weed.

"I keep weed on the down low and only let them think I'm taking benzos" is like some sort of comedy bit.

I suppose it has to do with the fact that it's prescribed, but you would think that as a pharmacist he would have a better understanding what a benzo is and what weed is.

Do they know which one is an epidemic and which one is basically harmless? Asked that, I wonder if they'd get it backwards.

 

[AspieOtaku]

That's mind-blowing and hilarious in a way that conservatism looks favorably upon benzos and not weed.

"I keep weed on the down low and only let them think I'm taking benzos" is like some sort of comedy bit.

I suppose it has to do with the fact that it's prescribed, but you would think that as a pharmacist he would have a better understanding what a benzo is and what weed is.

Do they know which one is an epidemic and which one is basically harmless? Asked that, I wonder if they'd get it backwards.

The systems a joke, the pharmaceutical companies just want to make money which is why they frown on weed.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Been taking cbd oils and strains high on cbd and tryptophan supplements and noticing improvements the same ativan can do only no side effects of being groggy all the time, tryptophan can make me groggy but unlike ativan I know who I am and still there.I know who I am and like that, yes sometimes I need to be knocked out at times or simply mellowed out safely at least alternatives I'm taking are natural unlike benzos, either way I'm not panicking or want to hurt myself anymore and love myself, another addition I hope to find is an understanding gf who can comfort me and hold me in her arms when times are tough to whisper to me shhh shhh shhh its ok as I slowly fall asleep but in the meantime tryptophan and cbd seems to work best.Just want to heal without needing to be sedated at times, I panic a lot and don't get sleep at times and cry and want to self harm when it gets real bad, feel tremendous emotional pain, worry a lot, want to know everything is going to be alright.Survived a lot of mental abuse from ex and step dad so kinda triggered me to high alert a lot and excessive stress, bad cycle want to trust others but hard, high alert, scared all the time, panic start to blame self, lather rinse repeat, just knock me out.Just want to know everything is going to be OK and feel safe, feel loved, otherwise I guess doping me ups the answer.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Hope to find a gf I can be soothed to sleep but that's too much work they will avoid me at all costs, too much work and taxing on them, Just dope me up for now. I am my own anesthesiologist but provide safer natural tranquilizers for my own good. CBD and Tryptophan.Nitrous Oxide is fun and good but a 5 min relief lol.I doubt a gf would snap me out of it and make me sleep in her arms but I'm being pessimistic.

Ideal gf at 10:57 when I cry I need comfort.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Sometimes I think the true answer is I need love and be loved and know I'm safe instead of just sedating me, I just want to feel safe know everything is OK and nobody is out to hurt me.Perhaps its the Harlequin speaking, high cbd strain for those who don't know, my dad won't know haha I love him but he is not with the times yet.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Want to be loved want to feel safe not hurt or in danger, did not get enough love back but hurt, fear and anxiety as well as pain for a long time and always on defense, panik have to be sedated, no longer want to be required to be sedated and know im safe and am loved.Need a hug, want comfort will fall asleep in her arms, my tears gone and hope to comfort her back.Want to feel safe to cry and be comforted, share my emotions without ridicule, wish i had someone with the patience who loves me and wont hurt me.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I hold my emotions too long on guard then want to scream but cant, builds up anxiety, i feel like the girl in the vid, i cannot take it anymore, gonna scream.

 

[Fino]

I keep forgetting why you don't take more medication.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I keep forgetting why you don't take more medication.

I cut myself off ativan for over a month, trying to manage without medication and stay with more natural alternatives.Dont want the risk of being addicted to poison.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Dont like Ativan, always tired and a godamn robot,mind cloudy dont know who i am till it wears off.

 

[Fino]

There are hundreds of medications, but this "natural" route doesn't seem to be working, does it? Unless I'm misjudging, in which case carry on.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Society wants to dope me up to shut me up, i think i just need company and love and feel safe.Know everything is ok, no more trggers of urges of self harm, no more insomia and constant fear.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Benzos are poison, dont like em.

 

[AspieOtaku]

There are hundreds of medications, but this "natural" route doesn't seem to be working, does it? Unless I'm misjudging, in which case carry on.

Im scared if i stay on Ativan though, i guess i should get Ketamine instead but prefer marijuana its safer but frowned on.I just want to be ok and not hooked on poison and a mindless zombie.Want to be me, want to be free, but feel safe and sleep soundly and heal.