Sometimes I need to be sedated.

[Fino]

I've never experienced this "not myself" thing on medication that is so famous throughout the land.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I've never experienced this "not myself" thing on medication that is so famous throughout the land.

Im just blahh dont like it, im not me, everything is empty dont like that feeling want to feel im there.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I guess being doped up and not be myself is the answer though i dont want it.I just want love and be loved and feel safe.Saecasm on the doped up part lol.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I've never experienced this "not myself" thing on medication that is so famous throughout the land.

Sometimes medication makes you feel your not yourself its not new, it gets in your head and body, feel disorientated and confused and tired your not yourself.Hate that feeling.

 

[Fino]

What makes you feel unsafe? I apologize if you've explained somewhere already.

 

[AspieOtaku]

What makes you feel unsafe? I apologize if you've explained somewhere already.

The upcoming future, the unknown, like what if i order my credit card when it expires and it gets sent to the wrong place after i paid rent and am broke? Ill be homeless, what if i get mugged when paying rent money? What if i cant pay my dui fine payment on time because i did not recieve my new card i go to jail again, what if i finally fall in love and my partner is abusive to me again? Survived an abusive relationship and afraid ill get in another one, got intimate with a partner once she wanted me to move in with her, got triggered and cut her off. Survival i must survive.Stepmom passed away and worry if my dad passes away soon, my only family close, he wants to give me his house but ill be alone,dont know what to do worry worry worry i do, things like that.Situations where i feel helpless and have no control and bad things are going to happen to me as well,feeling like being a turtle on its back, anxiety kicks in and I panic.Cops harass me because im awquard and try to find reasons to arrest assuming im on drugs and they get suspicious me then finally let me go,now they found a legit reason to arrest me for dui, they still harass me.If i get arrested for no reason ill self harm and try to kill myself, cuffing me to the chair wont stop me this time, the chair in solitary confinement wont stop me ill keep hurting myself and want to die im not a criminal, they will have to transfer me to the hospital psyche ward, im treated like a baby there but im not a criminal but a patient, dope me up, i give up at that point.At least hospital staff are nicer to me and i can sleep on a comfy bed, Correctional officers are mean and treat me like im not human.

 

[Fino]

Sounds like severe anxiety!

 

[AspieOtaku]

Sounds like severe anxiety!

Very severe, i know how a wild animal feels, i myself wild always alert and defensive in fear.

 

[AspieOtaku]

*sigh* sometimes excessive stress triggers my anxiety attacks as well, also try to get in serious relationships and want love but have issues trusting after past experience of abuse, i get intimate she wants to take it further, i panic push her away shes hurt and im hurt its a bad cycle.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I wish to break the cycle but dont know how, im sorry very sorry i cant help it always scared hope i can fix that, want to be safe, dont want to be harassed or harmed but still be free.People wont leave me alone especially police because i look weird but not doing anything, when i flex my rights they back off though, a simple "are you to detain me or am i free to go?" bored aggressive cops usually back off.Letting em know you have a defense attorny helps and if they arrest you can sue em later.

 

[AspieOtaku]

*sigh* sometimes i need to be sedated even though i dont want to, its for my own good i simply want to feel safe, love and be loved and know everything is going to be ok and nobody is going to hurt me.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Hope to fall in love again, not be alone and scared, learn to trust her she wont hurt me maybe i can move in but scared but have to fight those thoughts maybe take my meds again for once with marijuana feel safe everything is going to be ok and she loves you kinda feeling, reasurred and i can sleep safely perhaps give ativan another chance i dunno just want to be free, happy, safe and not alone.Find a partner to feel safe with,cry on her shoulder and comforted and slowly fall asleep in her arms knowing she wont hurt me.

 

[Fino]

There isn't anything to be sorry about here.

I don't have any advice that doesn't include medication. There are hundreds of them, so it's not either "be sedated or be miserable".

 

[AspieOtaku]

There isn't anything to be sorry about here.

I don't have any advice that doesn't include medication. There are hundreds of them, so it's not either "be sedated or be miserable".

I just want to be loved and safe, no more pain dont want to die either just be happy safe and free.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I guess ill be sedated, escape the pain no worries and sleep soundly.Heh havent slept for days always worrying and in fear i can use a good nights rest.Finally taking ativan and going to sleep, hope to sleep in a caring womans arms.Gonma feel cloudy and blahh in the morning but screw it.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Ativan has not kicked in yet, im tough like the Indoraptor from jurassic world 2 so before i crash out and sleep i just want to be loved felt safe and comforted.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Ativan kicking in, the world is gone im tired no worries and im going to sleep.

 

[Fino]

I take:

Lithium
Wellbutrin
Adderall
Buspar
Gabapentin

And I don't feel sedated, don't feel like I lost any of myself (gained instead), and rarely feel as if I'm even medicated at all, except that the rollercoaster, for the most part, has ended.

Is it possible you prefer the rollercoaster? Some do. At least for a while.

 

[AspieOtaku]

I take:

Lithium
Wellbutrin
Adderall
Buspar
Gabapentin

And I don't feel sedated, don't feel like I lost any of myself (gained instead), and rarely feel as if I'm even medicated at all, except that the rollercoaster, for the most part, has ended.

Is it possible you prefer the rollercoaster? Some do. At least for a while.

i guess i do, i prefer to be calm.Lithium sounds nice, but Adderal when already anxious is a bad idea, makes my moodswings go nuts just having a few energy drinks while anxious.Adderal paired with anxiety might as well dress up as a goat with a lit flare in front of a T-Rex lol.

 

[AspieOtaku]

Might switch my medication to diazipam the doctor recommended prior to Ativan.The cloudy feeling i drink energy drinks so in a way i guess rollar coaster, sedatives when anxious, stimulants the next morning, high caffiene.