Somniphobia

[Sabrina]

It’s true, me, or you, or anyone could die during sleep.
On February 26th 2010 I went to bed. In the middle of the night, around 3:00 am, Feb 27th, I woke up because my bed was shaking.
It was an 8.8 Earthquake.
But I’m here, talking to you. I did not die.

Yes, you could go to bed and die; or not.

One time I left accidentally the gas stove on all night. The flame never died out, neither did I.

I once sat on a Starbucks, and I immediately saw the glass wall beside the table that I had thought for a second was going to be where I was going to sit, but then changed my mind a second later... crumble down out of the blue, on top of it.

There’s been more similar stories.

It’s amazing that I am alive. Or you, or anybody. Yes, we might die anyday, and we might also not die, and survive it.

 

[LucyPurrs]

It’s true, me, or you, or anyone could die during sleep.
On February 26th 2010 I went to bed. In the middle of the night, around 3:00 am, Feb 27th, I woke up because my bed was shaking.
It was an 8.8 Earthquake.
But I’m here, talking to you. I did not die.

Yes, you could go to bed and die; or not.

One time I left accidentally the gas stove on all night. The flame never died out, neither did I.

I once sat on a Starbucks, and I immediately saw the glass wall beside the table that I had thought for a second was going to be where I was going to sit, but then changed my mind a second later... crumble down out of the blue, on top of it.

There’s been more similar stories.

It’s amazing that I am alive. Or you, or anybody. Yes, we might die anyday, and we might also not die, and survive it.

Dang Sabrina, you must have a star in the heavens looking out for you! Point well taken though, we can't sit around and worry about things we have no control over although that's sometimes easier said than done.

 

[Esa]

I think suicide ideation is not about wanting death. It is about wanting the depression to stop. It's brain-pain, and that is very serious.

Sounds right. Not wanting to live anymore doesn't mean that one wants the opposite but that the opposite happens to be the only alternative.

 

[Chance]

Dang Sabrina, you must have a star in the heavens looking out for you! Point well taken though, we can't sit around and worry about things we have no control over although that's sometimes easier said than done.

I so agree, its just HOW not to do that... I'm not "thinking" about dying in any way that I know of... Its just like this background thing that lurks... I wish I had words for it. I truly want to live and explore and go on adventures and I do a lot... This just sort of runs in weird cycles that I cant track down just yet... But I do get it on getting on with living... : )

It’s true, me, or you, or anyone could die during sleep.
On February 26th 2010 I went to bed. In the middle of the night, around 3:00 am, Feb 27th, I woke up because my bed was shaking.
It was an 8.8 Earthquake.
But I’m here, talking to you. I did not die.

Yes, you could go to bed and die; or not.

One time I left accidentally the gas stove on all night. The flame never died out, neither did I.

I once sat on a Starbucks, and I immediately saw the glass wall beside the table that I had thought for a second was going to be where I was going to sit, but then changed my mind a second later... crumble down out of the blue, on top of it.

There’s been more similar stories.

It’s amazing that I am alive. Or you, or anybody. Yes, we might die anyday, and we might also not die, and survive it.

Those stories are terrifying but also too cool. I do not want to dwell on this. I dont even know if I am... Its just when I try and go to sleep sometimes, but I will get so worn out here after while it will over ride itself and hopefully be gone for a while...

Thank you so much for sharing that... : )

 

[Chance]

I think suicide ideation is not about wanting death. It is about wanting the depression to stop. It's brain-pain, and that is very serious.

Depression gets on top of us because it undermines our ability to do something about anything.

Last night, I woke up at 3 AM with a whole cluster of problems preying on my mind; my car is snowed in, and I have a stupid work thing to attend this evening, amid my usual exhaustion, and deadlines looming... and I couldn't get back to sleep.

Fortunately, there is something I can DO. I put 200mg of pregnenolone under my tongue and went right to sleep, woke up much better.

For me, at least, low hormone levels are what trigger these panicky-attacks (they are not full blown panic attacks, but they can become one.) Because pregnenolone is a hormone precursor, it is not a hormone itself. It supplies the cement that my brain can make into walls and floors and coffee tables; it lets my brain figure out what it needs.

And then it can do what it needs.

I do so hope I never insinuated that was what I am contemplating... I get what you are saying and I like it and think its correct... but I'm not wanting too, or thinking of "offing" myself in anyway. I know this will pass, its not new too me... It is something I cant simply put factual problems too to make it go away, because it so random (thank goodness)... : )

By the way I do hope YOU are having a better day yourself... : )

 

[Esa]

I worry that I post too much on here... I'm sorry if I do, please just ignore it. I just do it to get stuff off of me and it seems to help. I have a whole life where I never felt I was allowed to speak, and if I did it better be what people want to hear, or I would pay dearly for it... that alone haunts me.

Those days of course are long gone, but the residual of those days... I don't guess will never go away in this life.

Every now and then I get stuck on stuff... Its obvious, and I cant imagine people here not noticing it horribly, so I figure I might as well just be honest about it.

Like tonight... I sometimes (without any real warning) get this fear of going to sleep. I get worried I wont wake back up. Maybe its because I'm not done here yet. I feel like I just started living my own life after being locked inside myself for half of it...

I'm not sure what it is, or what triggers it. Some chemical dump from some subconscious thinking probably, but thats not so easy to trace out on a whelm.

It wasn't that anyone was ugly to me today. I had a great day... I had a really great day. Maybe that alone triggered it somehow.

Its sometimes like my physical part of my existence cant stand for me to be happy. Sometimes when this happens (not always) a nasty battle with that "fun thing" we call depression is lurking... That has me a little upset just because I have been here enough times that I sort of have a mental map of what could come... And I don't know how to stop it.

I want to cry out that it isn't fair... But I know there are countless wonderful people who struggle 1000's of times harder than I do, and they don't have any one there for them either...

So instead I try and stay strong in honor of them. They are sort of like my lost brothers and sisters in this neurological Neverland. I feel what they feel, and there is nothing that I know that I can do about it. Except face it and stay strong.

I do know Somniphobia is part of a mass of anxiety disorders and its tied to the fear of dying thing we have when we are having a panic attack, but I'm not having a panic attack...

Maybe this is what happens when the panic attack never shows up, just the residual of it hangs out to haunt us...

If anyone has issues with this, or just wants to join me in my lameness... Feel free say whats in your head, or in your heart... I think I will go plaster the walls of "What are you listening too right now" with my musical graffiti... : )

That feeling you have when you feel like you don't deserve to complain because there are others who have it worse than you do, it doesn't go away. Pain is not something we can measure or compare. Even the physical pain.. Think about injuries or accidents. Not everyone pulls through. Also, some people go into a shock or have a heart attack more easily than others. I don't think it's because their situation is more serious. I think it's because not everyone can cope with the same amount of pain (mental or physical).

I too feel bad about being depressed when I'm depressed. As if I should just suck it up and be
grateful about the good things in my life. Doesn't work that way.

If you can turn to people when you feel bad, that's a good thing. There will always be people who care about others' well-being.

Also, being aware of what could come or being able to predict what could possibly go wrong is not such a terrible thing. It's heavy. It's dark. But not bad.

 

[Judge]

I worry that I post too much on here...

I don't. Neither should you.

 

[Esa]

P.S. You are not an over-sharer.

 

[Streetwise]

Oh geez... I'm all good then... I cant even fathom what you just wrote on ANY level. I will be glad to keep what I have, and even be grateful for it. I don't, and cant, even wrap my head around how your body physically survived that... I am sorry you had to deal with that and I do hope you never have to again... : (

that's what I had when I took the two medicines together and had a panic attacks from hell -I slept about an hour a night for two or three months ,that's what panic can do -paramedics always say people who have been injured you should go to the hospital because if they refuse they are probably high !!!!!!!on adrenaline and cortisol which is a pain killer
and your body could be damaged .

 

[Streetwise]

Sometimes I think even IF I could cure the most horrible of things in this existence I would still feel useless inside... I think its just knowing I was never wanted and that became sort of concrete. It creeps up on me, and just mentally beats the crap out of me, just like in the days it was real.

I try so hard to replace those thoughts, but its simply not easy to replace something that happened on that level, with something I have to pretend is true...My brain sees it as another lie and another way to get hurt I guess.

I will get past it... I always do... : )

in the UK there is a charity called Childline for children who have been abused it's a free phone number .I don't know what equivalent you have in the US but you need to talk to them and very soon .

 

[Sabrina]

This Ted talk is great
What fear can teach us What fear can teach us

 

[unreality]

You're not alone. Sometimes I feel fear before going to sleep. Not sure why since I rarely remember my dreams. BTW, glad to see you and other people posting threads!

 

[Bella Pines]

I worry that I post too much on here

Post more! This is one of the few places in the world that any of us can actually stop acting and say what is really on our minds. I've recently developed a debilitating aversion to paper napkins, the rustle of them gives me goose pimples and I'd rather wipe my hands on my dress than touch one, I haven't told a single person in my life but have no problem posting here because at least I won't be judged and at most, someone will understand.

On the somniphobia it sounds like you need to give yourself permission to be happy. Is this because people have been putting you down through life and somehow your brain has been trained to follow this cycle?

 

[Progster]

I have panic attacks about dying when I'm trying to go to sleep.