Struggling with alcohol abuse

[EricE]

I've heard that the 12 step process doesn't work with people with aspergers and I really need to know what the best thing to do to try and better my life and health. I really need to quit drinking and smoking because I'm 45 years old and have been drinking and smoking most of my life and my health is rapidly deteriorating and I'm afraid I might die at an earlier age than I want to. Any information would be greatly appreciated

 

[Mary Anne]

The 12-strop process worked for me for 2 years. I worked it heavily and daily and that helped me break the cycle of 28 years of drinking. After that, I did not care for 12- step (and still don’t) but it DID work in my head enough that I still carry some of it around in my head. I been sober now since 2001. I quick the booze before the cigarettes. I quit the cigarettes 3 years later. It’s near impossible to tackle both at once, so go slow and do one first.

The very first step is to finally deeply realize that you just cannot do this drinking any more. You just made the big step of saying it here on this forum. That is HUGE and I congratulate you.

I would also say, please do not listen to others as you don’t know if these meetings are what you need. All aspies are very diverse- just like non aspies. For me, I had no other way to seek out help. I had no insurance to go to one of those super fancy spas where they get sober in a warm, vacation-like setting. I had no resources other than free AA meetings. Now, for some people like my ex. who used to have grand mal seizures due to his drinking- people like him absolutely need a medical setting to detox first. One can die by detoxing in that condition. Others have cirrhosis of the liver, and that is also a serious medical situation.

What other resources do you have right now? I did find it helpful to go to 12-step meetings in the beginning, and learn of coping skills of others. Because I had nothing else available.

There is also Smart Recovery, which is not a 12-step. You can read a bit here about various types of non-12 step groups. How to Find the Best Non-12-Step Addiction Recovery Programs. (This is USA based, but you can Hopefully find similar in other countries too).

I hope this helps.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I agree that a 12 step program might be your best hope for quitting drinking initially. Also know that smoking and drinking seems to be a deadly combination- I know so many people who developed cancer and almost all had been doing both. Quitting smoking is not as hard as you think- I smoked for over 45 years heavily (2.5 packs/day) but was able to quit despite being convinced beyond any doubt that I couldn't. I found chewing the nicotine gum for a few days helped as well as the initial dose (initial dose only) of Chantix. But as soon as my mind thought of smoking, it within a millisecond switched to something else of its own accord so made cravings almost non existent. So don't be afraid to try. Admitting you need to quit is the first and hardest step to quit drinking so good on you!

 

[Mary Anne]

I agree that a 12 step program might be your best hope for quitting drinking initially. Also know that smoking and drinking seems to be a deadly combination- I know so many people who developed cancer and almost all had been doing both. Quitting smoking is not as hard as you think- I smoked for over 45 years heavily (2.5 packs/day) but was able to quit despite being convinced beyond any doubt that I couldn't. I found chewing the nicotine gum for a few days helped as well as the initial dose (initial dose only) of Chantix. But as soon as my mind thought of smoking, it within a millisecond switched to something else of its own accord so made cravings almost non existent. So don't be afraid to try. Admitting you need to quit is the first and hardest step to quit drinking so good on you!

Ha! It took me 8 years of stop and start failures to finally stop smoking. I did not try patches or nicotine gum. Everyone is different. A lot of people seem to quit one, but feel they need to keep the other. I had a hard time. My father smoked many decades and just quit one day - just so easily with no repercussions. Some can quit that easily. I will say that for many people drinking and smoking go together. If I drink, I need a cigarette. If I smoke, I wanna drink.

 

[Mary Anne]

I need to say that you do not have to quit anything cold turkey. You can cut down a bit, if you cannot “just stop”, and that is called “Harm reduction.” It’s too hard for many people to “just quit” their addictions. Don’t let anyone guilt you for not just totally stopping, including 12-step programs, or family members.

 

[Cher_Ami]

 

[tducey]

I have to monitor my drinking both because of my Autism and my father having a drinking problem.Hope this link helps:

Addiction and Autism - Alcohol Rehab

 

[kay]

I don't know where you live but most places have several, if not dozens, of AA meetings. Though I know some people that they are just not a good fit for, others have told me it just depends on the individual meeting, that it can be a bit different from one to the other. This is just what I have been told by people who have been, I haven't had to deal with this sorta thing. I hope you are successful though, I know a lot of people who have quit both and they are all glad they did. Some older than you. Good luck.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The opposite of addiction is connection.

As the video says.

 

[Progster]

I can vouch for the Chantix that @LucyPurrs mentions. My partner managed to give up smoking while on that, and he found that he didn't need the whole course of treatment. It really works. Now he is working on reducing his alcohol consumption and getting his weight down. I would work on stopping smoking first, and then the alcohol.

I have never been a smoker, but do like a glass of wine with my evening meal. It's something that I have to keep strictly under control and limit - not more than 1 glass and not every day, because I already had a cancer scare and drinking alcohol puts me at risk.

 

[Gritches]

For me, quitting alcohol and other stuff (if ya know what I mean) was relatively simple - it was a matter of not using my hands to put these substances into my body.

It sucks for the first year. Another addict pointed something out to me, which I found to be true: you'll get strong cravings to use at 3 months sober, 6 months, 9 months, and 12 months. But if you can get through the first year of sobriety, it gets easier. You forget what it feels like to be intoxicated, and you stop missing it so much.

So my recommendation as a former addict of pretty much everything is to summon all your willpower and just refuse to use your hands to pour alcohol in your mouth, refuse to use your feet to enter a liquor store or bar, and stay away from people who are drinking. I'm not saying it's easy because it's not, but with sufficient willpower and a good reason (to avoid dying a premature death) you can do it.

As for smoking, I have no idea. That's a different ball game.

 

[Tom]

Talk to your doctor about quitting. Many clinics have 'quit smoking' programs and can use medications to help the process of quitting, like patches and meds. I'm not familar with stop drinking programs but don't see why they wouldn't work with Aspies. That might be a erroneous rumor.

But you better hop to it. Your risk factors are very bad and statistically have you in the check out line way early.

 

[Bolletje]

@Gritches that is what it boils down to, isn’t it? The only thing you need to do to quit using something is to just not take it. How hard cravings and habits are differs interpersonally of course, but at its core, the same rule always applies.

My therapist reckons that my relative ease in quitting my various addictions may well be an Aspie thing, because I am able to flip the off switch so rigorously without looking back.

Which isn’t to say that I miss smoking occasionally, even though it’s been over a year. Don’t miss the other stuff though.

@EricE some treatment centers have (anonymous) online help and programs, could that be something for you?

 

[the_tortoise]

Just try something. If it doesn't work, you can try again with something else.

What works for one person may not work for another, whatever their neurotype/diagnosis.

You'll figure out what does and does not work for you. Believe in yourself, and don't compare your successes and failures with those of others -- you aren't them, and it's not a contes or a race.

Consider that even cutting back on how much of a substance you use or finding a safer method of use (e.g. nicotine replacement therapy instead of smoking tobacco) may be a tremendous victory -- and always give yourself credit for whatever progress you make.

I wish you all the luck in the world.

 

[Starfire]

Hi @EricE if you want to get an idea of what 12 step fellowships are like you could try ‘In The Rooms’. It’s an app or web based way to attend meetings where you can share or watch anonymously it’s up to you. There are AA NA and SMART Recovery meetings amongst others on there. It might give you a good idea what to expect before you go. You could also try the ‘Sober Grid’ app for info, support or making sober friends too. I was in and out of 12 step programs for years but truthfully, they weren’t for me. That doesn’t mean that you can’t make it work of course and it’s worth a try.

You might find this book helpful or interesting too - “Aspergers Syndrome and alcohol, drinking to cope”

There are some really great alcohol free beers and wines available now too, things have moved on hugely in that department recently. It might help to bridge the gap between drinking and not drinking until you find something that works. It’s not for everyone and is frowned on by AA, but it gives the taste and experience of a drink with zero alcohol.

I wouldn’t give up alcohol and smoking both at the same time, that’s a lot to take on at once. Perhaps start with the alcohol first. I used to smoke tobacco and weed every day then one day I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, after over 30 years. I just quit and that was that, I didn’t have any difficulty. Alcohol, I had to cut right down on for the same reasons as you, hence my experiments with alcohol free drinks which are working for me. I also quit heroin years ago after a longstanding addiction, same as tobacco, I just quit after a methadone detox haven’t touched it since. I’m still struggling with other things though, I do my best but I’m no saint. You’re not alone with your difficulties, alcohol and drug abuse is rife in the ASD community, although rarely talked about.

I wish you the best of luck in achieving your aims and beating your demons.

 

[Bolletje]

Some additional info after my last post: when I quit smoking I followed a free online program, designed to help me figure out triggers and pitfalls, and to help motivate me not to relapse. It also had forums for people going through the same thing, it was good to check in with each other regularly and get some support when we had a bad day. Recording the diary and being able to mark down another day of zero cigarettes made me feel pretty damn good.

I quit drinking for a few weeks when I first quit smoking, because drinking always made me crave a smoke (and smoke a lot more than usual). I also quit drugs at that time, never touched the stuff after that. I still drink occasionally, but it’s not a daily activity anymore. It was easier for me to stop all at once, because I feared that otherwise I’d just substitute one addiction for another .

Whatever you choose to do, best of luck to you. These things aren’t easy, but they can be done.

 

[EricE]

Hi @EricE if you want to get an idea of what 12 step fellowships are like you could try ‘In The Rooms’. It’s an app or web based way to attend meetings where you can share or watch anonymously it’s up to you. There are AA NA and SMART Recovery meetings amongst others on there. It might give you a good idea what to expect before you go. You could also try the ‘Sober Grid’ app for info, support or making sober friends too. I was in and out of 12 step programs for years but truthfully, they weren’t for me. That doesn’t mean that you can’t make it work of course and it’s worth a try.

You might find this book helpful or interesting too - “Aspergers Syndrome and alcohol, drinking to cope”

There are some really great alcohol free beers and wines available now too, things have moved on hugely in that department recently. It might help to bridge the gap between drinking and not drinking until you find something that works. It’s not for everyone and is frowned on by AA, but it gives the taste and experience of a drink with zero alcohol.

I wouldn’t give up alcohol and smoking both at the same time, that’s a lot to take on at once. Perhaps start with the alcohol first. I used to smoke tobacco and weed every day then one day I decided I didn’t want to do it anymore, after over 30 years. I just quit and that was that, I didn’t have any difficulty. Alcohol, I had to cut right down on for the same reasons as you, hence my experiments with alcohol free drinks which are working for me. I also quit heroin years ago after a longstanding addiction, same as tobacco, I just quit after a methadone detox haven’t touched it since. I’m still struggling with other things though, I do my best but I’m no saint. You’re not alone with your difficulties, alcohol and drug abuse is rife in the ASD community, although rarely talked about.

I wish you the best of luck in achieving your aims and beating your demons.

Thank you for the information I'm definitely going to give it a try

 

[EricE]

The 12-strop process worked for me for 2 years. I worked it heavily and daily and that helped me break the cycle of 28 years of drinking. After that, I did not care for 12- step (and still don’t) but it DID work in my head enough that I still carry some of it around in my head. I been sober now since 2001. I quick the booze before the cigarettes. I quit the cigarettes 3 years later. It’s near impossible to tackle both at once, so go slow and do one first.

The very first step is to finally deeply realize that you just cannot do this drinking any more. You just made the big step of saying it here on this forum. That is HUGE and I congratulate you.

I would also say, please do not listen to others as you don’t know if these meetings are what you need. All aspies are very diverse- just like non aspies. For me, I had no other way to seek out help. I had no insurance to go to one of those super fancy spas where they get sober in a warm, vacation-like setting. I had no resources other than free AA meetings. Now, for some people like my ex. who used to have grand mal seizures due to his drinking- people like him absolutely need a medical setting to detox first. One can die by detoxing in that condition. Others have cirrhosis of the liver, and that is also a serious medical situation.

What other resources do you have right now? I did find it helpful to go to 12-step meetings in the beginning, and learn of coping skills of others. Because I had nothing else available.

There is also Smart Recovery, which is not a 12-step. You can read a bit here about various types of non-12 step groups. How to Find the Best Non-12-Step Addiction Recovery Programs. (This is USA based, but you can Hopefully find similar in other countries too).

I hope this helps.

I have no resources right now except family and friends

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

The 12-strop process

Hey Mary,had to chuckle at this slight slip of the keys !

Hi Eric, is it right to ask you how much you drink?

Harm reduction may be the way,as Mary mentioned.

 

[kay]

Here, I found this one day in my search for teetotaler ideas. I'm a teetotaler, though I prefer to spell it teatotaler. I am hoping to become a proper tea snob someday. I can't give much in the way of advice but this looked good. Maybe there will be some helpful info in here somewhere. It seemed interesting.


How To Fix The Addiction Epidemic Through Rebranding and Social Proof.