Hi Simon and welcome
I am also unofficial, but hope to at some point be official.
I know EXACTLY how you feel. I even brought up the subject to my dr, with heart pounding and with her saying she has heard of aspergers and then, a little while later, shook her head and said: sorry, but no, you do not have autism. I have many patients who are autistic and you are not like them and thus, ended the conversation!
People who know me quite well, actually do accept me as an aspie, even though they know I am not official and well, either positive or negative, which way one wants to look at it, my behaviour shows I am different and thus, why they do not question the authenticity of it all.
This forum will make you feel that you are not some strange oddity and in fact, make you feel quite normal and is refreshing to come here, when you have to deal with nts through the day.
ps. Another aspie on here, suggested and excellent tip for me, which is working. I am currently seeing a psychiatrist and next week, also a psychiatric nurse and concentrating on one aspect and that is the extreme social phobia I have. In fact, it supercedes the aspergers really.
I saw a social worker during the week and at first, with precaution of being laughed at, mentioned aspergers, at first, she was pretty incredulous and demanded when I had been tested and so, well, I could not pretend I had ( I am from the uk, but live in France) and so told her the truth. Thankfully, that kick started my husband who joined me in relating my "strange" habits and she started quickly scribbling something down on her paper and feel sure it was related to aspergers.
So, if you can find something else you struggle with mentally, then use that as your sort of "sounding board" to reach aspergers.