Strugling with communication

[Lauran]

I'm really bad at interacting with others, especially my peers. But these past 2 days are the worst.

I don't know what happened to me. Maybe I'm experiencing shutdown RN. It's so hard to talk. I can't make up coherent words in my mind, even when I can think of a word that I want to say my tongue can't cooperate.

Sometimes, I can't understand what they said. I clearly hear it, but I need to think harder to know what's they said. People don't believe me when I try to explain it. They said: "What are you? A baby?"

Today it's getting better tho, I can talk, but not too much. There's 2 things that I struggle the most when communicating: take people too literally and don't cut people in the middle of their sentence.

Like, how can others tell when people finish talking?! I mean, you seem like you already finish you sentence, why are you still continuing it? However, I rarely see my folks cut people in the middle of their sentence like they can see that coming.

And about taking things too literally. I think it's more like I don't know when people say literally and when they don't. How can you read between lines? Especially in the phone call when I can’t see their face.

Is there someone experiencing the same as me?

 

[AuroraBorealis]

People don't believe me when I try to explain it. They said: "What are you? A baby?"

I'm really sory about that. It's not nice of them. Do they know that you're autistic (if you are)? But even if they don't, you shouldn't say stuff like that to people. It's unempathic.

Like, how can others tell when people finish talking?! I mean, you seem like you already finish you sentence, why are you still continuing it? However, I rarely see my folks cut people in the middle of their sentence like they can see that coming.

I struggle with this a lot too. Other than that, I'm quite good at communicating (I think), but I tend to interrupt people very much. After doing it a few times, I apologize, and sometimes I even say "I don't mean to be rude, I just struggle with timing in conversations", and people are normally understanding.

 

[Outdated]

Sometimes, I can't understand what they said. I clearly hear it, but I need to think harder to know what's they said. People don't believe me when I try to explain it. They said: "What are you? A baby?"

This part is a very common autistic trait - Audio Processing Disorder. There's nothing wrong with our hearing but we struggle to make sense of voices.

Normal people in a crowded or noisy place can focus on one voice and shut all the other noises out, we can't. And even in a very quiet environment with no distractions it takes a lot of concentration for us to translate voice in to meaning.

The same problem shows up in group conversations. I can communicate very well with one or two people but if a third person joins in my responses start coming a little slower. Put 4 or 5 other people in the conversation and by the time I've worked out what I want to say the conversation has already moved on and my comments would be out of place.

I struggle to hear over the phone and will go to great lengths to avoid using one. I rely very heavily on people's facial expressions and body language to make sense of what people are saying, over the phone all that extra information is missing and I might as well be deaf. I can hear that someone is speaking but can't understand what they are saying.

I avoid restaurants and shopping centres because all the voices tire me out. Even though I can't understand any of them a part of my brain keeps trying to make sense of all those voices and it exhausts me very quickly. Half an hour in busy restaurant and I have to go home and go to sleep to recover.

 

[Lauran]

I'm really sory about that. It's not nice of them. Do they know that you're autistic (if you are)? But even if they don't, you shouldn't say stuff like that to people. It's unempathic.


I struggle with this a lot too. Other than that, I'm quite good at communicating (I think), but I tend to interrupt people very much. After doing it a few times, I apologize, and sometimes I even say "I don't mean to be rude, I just struggle with timing in conversations", and people are normally understanding.

Well, they don't know if I'm autistic because I don't think I can label myself. I mean, I fit all the criteria, but I don't have a proper diagnosis yet.

Yeah, I also say sorry when I cut people in the middle of the sentence, but sometimes I did that so many times that's I start to piss them off

 

[AuroraBorealis]

Yeah, I also say sorry when I cut people in the middle of the sentence, but sometimes I did that so many times that's I start to piss them off

I think, all you can do is doing your best. While working with patients and clients, I do my very best. I still interrupt people a lot, but since I work in mental healthcare and many people I talk to have their own issues (many ADHDers who have the same problem), we can often laugh it away. When talking to someone who seems like they have more of a problem with being interrupted, I try to pull myself together as much as possible, and wait until there has been a pause of at least 1-2 seconds before I talk.

In private, it would take immense energy to monitor myself like that. Thankfully, my partner doesn't mind my interruptions. If, for once, I do it too much and he wasn't done talking, he'll tell me. I have friends who do mind, but I don't talk to them that often.

 

[Lauran]

This part is a very common autistic trait - Audio Processing Disorder. There's nothing wrong with our hearing but we struggle to make sense of voices.

Normal people in a crowded or noisy place can focus on one voice and shut all the other noises out, we can't. And even in a very quiet environment with no distractions it takes a lot of concentration for us to translate voice in to meaning.

The same problem shows up in group conversations. I can communicate very well with one or two people but if a third person joins in my responses start coming a little slower. Put 4 or 5 other people in the conversation and by the time I've worked out what I want to say the conversation has already moved on and my comments would be out of place.

I struggle to hear over the phone and will go to great lengths to avoid using one. I rely very heavily on people's facial expressions and body language to make sense of what people are saying, over the phone all that extra information is missing and I might as well be deaf. I can hear that someone is speaking but can't understand what they are saying.

I avoid restaurants and shopping centres because all the voices tire me out. Even though I can't understand any of them a part of my brain keeps trying to make sense of all those voices and it exhausts me very quickly. Half an hour in busy restaurant and I have to go home and go to sleep to recover.

Wow, thank you for the information, I'll look that up. That's really makes sense, especially the phone call one. I really rely on their expression to make sense of their speech

 

[AuroraBorealis]

For me, interrupting is a mixture of poor recognition of when it's my turn, but also impulse control. I talk and think quickly and tend to forget things quickly, so I feel like I need to get things out as soon as they pop into my head or I'll forget. Also, in my head I often already finish people's sentences, so listening to them finish them feels like a waste of time and makes me itchy (I'm very aware that this is very rude, but it's just how it feels).

 

[Good boy]

I can totally relate to this, I'm now 30 and I see you are 19 yo, lemme tell you of my experience, when I came out of my teenage years going into my adulthood, is this got changed alot, I try to just be in a curious position when someone is talking to me, and I try to talk just the minimum, since I learn these techniques I got much better in communication and started to see people are interesting in me.

I know it's hard to go it over, I totally understand you and I know how it feels, try different ways to communicate with people,