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Suicidal ideation

Gerald Wilgus said:
So, @Thinx, what does attachment theory say when a person does not experience integration at an appropriate age? Looking at Maslow's hierarchy it is quite obvious that I did not have emotional needs met appropriately. I was 5-sigma past the age when people have their intimate needs met. I have not seen anything regarding the dysfunction resulting from this deficit.
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Attachment theory originated with John Bowlby, and was further developed by others. It provides a way to understand the effects of, initially, early relationships with caregivers/parents, which broadly leads to some of us feeling generally insecure, or generally secure.

About a third of us will be in the insecure area, with caregiving and related circumstances having ranged from the somewhat inadequate to neglect or abuse. Everyone's circumstances vary, but extensive research shows this general pattern to be accurate, and also that progress can resume for people when a more positive attachment is available. Hence many of us move further towards feelings of security and ease in attachments in later life.

The attachment system isn't the only relevant issue, of course, and is particularly focussed on how we manage in close relationships.
 
I thought about it around age 9 and made the decision also that I would not do it.
Just wait until it is all over naturally.
The biggest reason that stops me if the thoughts do appear is FEAR.
 
I chose Hannibal Barca as my icon for a reason. This man lost an eye, was speared on a few occasions -once very seriously-- was on foreign soil, needed provisions, fending off the Romans, saw the head of his brother tossed over the gates of his camp (that is what the picture shows on the icon, he is looking at the head of Hasdrubal, very sad!), was in freezing ice and snow which made the pack animals sink into the ice or fall over cliffs, was constantly having to reorganize and make new plans, was even cut off from supplies ----and yet never, ever gave up.

---seriously, this man was INDOMITABLE. I can't think of another general with all those things to have continued to keep the enemy in utter terror for almost 2 decades.

He was beaten by a fresh, young upstart after all the other Romans were crying into their unmixed wine.

Stories like that give me a great deal of strength and always have. I hope this makes you smile today. You are a Hannibal of another story, but take a peak into Barca :)
 
Life gets easier... it actually does. I'm alot less autistic and awkward than what I was 12 years ago. Life does actually become lovely, enjoyable and nice.

Take life a day at a time, and focus your thoughts on the things that give you Courage, Inner Joy/Peace...
...
Although I must say... I do wish I had a girlfriend that would cut me and listen to some hardcore music... but I am sure I will find one... I mean, got my first girlfriend when i was almost 24, met cool people when I was 29... so bound to happen... life has so much possible enjyoment, kindness and opportunity, and hope... we just need to keep our eyes open, and find contentment in the present moment... I mean right now I am cooking, and I dont cook often, but it gives me a sense of joy to try ^^
 
Lol... while typing that I burnt my food, but I find joy in the fact that I even burnt it :D ... I look for the good in things, and it makes life comfortable, to always look for little good things that bring happiness :p
 
Lol ... I just broke my spatula, and my house is filled with buttery smoke xD

another thing... when we get older, and we still have these... self harm ideations... there can be other healthier outlets. I know for some girls, vampire or bdsm books, help be an outlet for that type of energy...
Im hoping I can find a goth girl in my country, BUT IMPORTANT is that the person has a good soul and heart, and is worth my trust... and that I can live out certain masochistic fantasies... and that hope, also gives me strength... that maybe a girl could smile, while hurting me in an emotionally bonding way... its healthier than trying to hurt myself... and I am happy to be patient, until I find that person one day...
I can smell more smoke lol... the one side of the food is pitch black burnt xD

Enjoy the day guys :hatchedchick::herb::hibiscus::blossom::cherryblossom::tropicalfish::tulip:
 
Hannibal said:
I am assuming almost everyone, if not everyone here has experienced suicidal thoughts, and I'm wondering how YOU cope with them (outside of therapy or medication). I have decent coping mechanisms but I think I need new ones and new mindsets and perspectives. How have you dealt with these thoughts? What do you do when they occur?

How have you distracted yourself from thoughts of self-harm?
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Hello,

I have not experienced thoughts of self harm however there are aspects of my inner self which will surface and disrupt my life in different ways.

I find that Belief is the key to dealing with negative thought patterns. If you believe you can find ways to resolve any issue, you will. However if you believe that some thing is beyond your ability to control, it will be.

Mind over matter is a very real thing. Humans are Very Powerful. Their beliefs and their expectations create their reality. May be for you it is best to evolve your beliefs around self empowerment like mind over matter.

I hope my views on this will encourage you. I can say that there are those who are alive today who changed their beliefs about what they could do for themself. You are indeed so much more powerful than you realize.

John
 
I find not letting myself ruminate by keeping busy and following certain rules has helped me keep my mind out of the gutter. Doing certain things like not letting yourself listen to music unless you're exercising can help a lot because they prevent you from just sitting around moping listening to depressing songs.
 
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Gerald Wilgus said:
The closest I came was when I dropped Zoloft cold turkey because of its physiological side effects. Sitting in my car with my Glock. Thought it would be too selfish, so didn't go through with it. I hunt, so have my firearms and ammunition under separate locks. The way I have been feeling lately, when my spouse will be visiting her sister later this month, leaving me alone, I will have her take all the keys, except for my air target pistol (18 cal, 750 fps).

What scares me far more is violent ideation. Given some risky pursuits; whitewater open canoe, performance driving, I am unafraid of death. Yet, I can empathise with the young adult that killed schoolchildren or the young man who killed women in an explosion of nihilistic rage. And I am afraid that with my training I will be effective. The saving grace is that my (damaged) mind bends towards justice and ethics, so I think it is far better to harm oneself than another.
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Grew up with a house full of firearms and had suicidal thoughts regularly from about the age of ten on. Carried a gun for a living for a while, did my time in the military. Don't think I've been without access to a gun at any time in my entire life. If I were to kill myself, I would do something that allowed others to think it might have been an accident. Suicide kills more than just you.

I do not empathize with murderers. It would be better if they killed themselves rather than their victims. The rage comes from having externalized the causes of their problems. I'm OK but the entire world other than me is not OK. The insanity of that position is lost on them. A kind of pathological narcissism that the culture seems to encourage.

Most of the mass shootings are copycat shootings. There will be a highly publicized event and soon after there will by copycats until it fades out. Idiots imagining how they'll go out in a blaze of glory and all the media coverage they get. Between that and the ability to hurt so many people, they feel powerful. There are even forums dedicated to mass shooters and their fans.

The media shares some of the responsibility for how they cover such shootings.
 
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Hannibal said:
I am not actively suicidal at the moment, however I have experienced an uptick in general suicidal thoughts (without a specific plan) after my formal diagnosis. I think this might be because I assumed I would grow out of my problems, or I thought I'd find some miracle medication to "cure" them, or they would dissipate after a year or two of therapy. I now understand that that's not the case and what I have on my hands is much more complex and chronic.

I am assuming almost everyone, if not everyone here has experienced suicidal thoughts, and I'm wondering how YOU cope with them (outside of therapy or medication). I have decent coping mechanisms but I think I need new ones and new mindsets and perspectives. How have you dealt with these thoughts? What do you do when they occur?

How have you distracted yourself from thoughts of self-harm?

Also, if you have a story about long term-battles with suicidal thoughts, self-harm, or severe depression you'd like to share, please do. Reading other people's similar struggles makes me feel more understood and less alone.

Only neutral or positive recommendations please!
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I started thinking about suicide when I was 10. It was 5th grade when I decided I did not belong in this world. It was also when puberty first reared its head so all the crazy hormones didn't help.

I retreated into a fantasy world by reading voraciously. Sci Fi, fantasy, adventure, espionage, mystery, anything that had an intriguing plot line, preferably one well thought out and not easily predicted.

I liked to stay up and watch old movies into the wee hours of the morning. Cable TV didn't exist back then. We had 5 channels we could get regularly. Mom was a television fanatic, so Dad put a monster antenna on top of a tall mast with a rotor and an amplifier. The terrain was pretty flat so we could get stations from 50 miles straight line distance with clarity and up to 150 miles with some snow.

We had dogs and I really loved them. I got the affection from them I didn't get from anyone else.

I also retreated into my special interests. Science (lots more reading) and nudity when I was younger, later nature, music, and photography.

Hallucinogenic drugs as an adult. Prozac as a somewhat older adult.

Exercise started becoming important as an adult. As a kid it never occurred to me to exercise for reasons other than being forced to.

And marathon masturbation sessions, very important. :D Anything I could do to get those little pops of endorphins, adrenaline and dopamine to beat back the darkness.
 
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