Suicide (is) or not.

[Roxiee]

It sounds like you can use a hug for all you have been through.

View attachment 76123

Air hugs are the best

 

[Roxiee]

I haven't given up because I'm here for my daughter!

 

[oregano]

@Yeshuasdaughter: keep in mind that @Roxiee is in the UK, not the US. They have a different child welfare system than we do. The USA child welfare system is extremely corrupt, and in many places social workers are eager to rip kids from their mothers for the flimsiest of reasons simply for the power trip. I don't know anything about the child welfare system in the UK.

As for her daughter, yes having your parent kill themselves when a girl is young really messes them up. Look at Paris Jackson, whose famous father overdosed when she was 11. Her brothers recovered but she never did. Heavy IV drug use, suicide attempts, religious cults, numerous tattoos. Even worse, @Roxiee's daughter might be handed over to her bio father if @Roxiee killed herself-the same ultra-abusive psycho who raped Roxiee. I shudder to think what he'd do to his daughter if there wasn't anybody around to notice/hold him accountable.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Welcome, @Tarliki ,I hope you like it here. I sympathise with what you are feeling. At your age I was socially isolated and nearly at rock bottom, despairing of having an intimate relationship. Then, like you, decided to work on myself, learn to live on my own, and enjoy my interests. That was life changing and four years later met my spouse.

We all struggle differently and now I am dealing with PTSD from that earlier isolation, except now I have a lot of positive thoughts about what I overcame.

 

[Roxiee]

@Yeshuasdaughter: keep in mind that @Roxiee is in the UK, not the US. They have a different child welfare system than we do. The USA child welfare system is extremely corrupt, and in many places social workers are eager to rip kids from their mothers for the flimsiest of reasons simply for the power trip. I don't know anything about the child welfare system in the UK.

As for her daughter, yes having your parent kill themselves when a girl is young really messes them up. Look at Paris Jackson, whose famous father overdosed when she was 11. Her brothers recovered but she never did. Heavy IV drug use, suicide attempts, religious cults, numerous tattoos. Even worse, @Roxiee's daughter might be handed over to her bio father if @Roxiee killed herself-the same ultra-abusive psycho who raped Roxiee. I shudder to think what he'd do to his daughter if there wasn't anybody around to notice/hold him accountable.

Hello,
Thank you, I understand! Thank you!

 

[Roxiee]

Just to update you all, I'm sorry for making this thread I'm sorry for saying how badly mentally ruined I feel, I haven't felt happy in ages but Lola brings me happiness and that's all I can ask for.

What my ex did to me, is what is keeping me in this deep deep crap hole that is ripping pieces from me bit by bit, it went on for too long, so much happened I finally escaped and I am so glad my mum let me in, I can keep my little girl safe.

I am trying to not feel suicidal anymore, I'm trying to fix the way I think, my daughter needs me and I am here world, I am the luckiest mum in the world to have such a wonderful daughter, honestly I know I haven't had the best life but I'm so proud that I can see my little one grow up into a gorgeous princess!

He has given me Ptsd, he has really ruined my life me and my little girl was okay, we was still a family with him, but like @oregano said, if I killed myself Lola would possibly be put back with my abusive ex boyfriend, who would hurt her, so that gives me reasons to stay alive for her, @Yeshuasdaughter I know, my daughter means the absolute world to me, I love her so much, I'm sorry if I made you mad, just I am gonna get back into therapy maybe if its needed to be put on medication because I want to stay alive to see my little girl grow up.

@Tarliki hello, I'm sorry you are feeling like that you don't deserve to feel pain, no one does and we are always here for you if you need us, stay strong lovely!

Just what me and Lola did today was so lovely, we went and saw the bunnies at Pets at home, she loved them! Maybe it's a Christmas present . Here's some pics of the bunnies.

Thanks to @Sarah S @Gerontius @Gerald Wilgus @Owliet and @maycontainthunder others I can't remember! But thank you!
I can't thank everyone enough for all the support I am getting I love you all, take care,
Love from,
Roxie, lola!

 

[Sarah S]

Roxiee i can honestly say i have never felt PROUDER of then after reading this latest reply (standing up and applaud )

you have managed to get youre self to the stage that in many cases can take years to get too. to ACCEPT that you need help. & Also, you WANT to get better.

And you don't need to apologize for making this thread dear that's what this site is all for so we all can help and suport eachoder.

 

[Roxiee]

Roxiee i can honestly say i have never felt PROUDER of then after reading this latest reply (standing up and applaud )

you have managed to get youre self to the stage that in many cases can take years to get too. to ACCEPT that you need help. & Also, you WANT to get better.

And you don't need to apologize for making this thread dear that's what this site is all for so we all can help and suport eachoder.

Thank you lovely!
I'm proud too!

 

[Roxiee]

Just to update you all, I'm sorry for making this thread I'm sorry for saying how badly mentally ruined I feel, I haven't felt happy in ages but Lola brings me happiness and that's all I can ask for.

What my ex did to me, is what is keeping me in this deep deep crap hole that is ripping pieces from me bit by bit, it went on for too long, so much happened I finally escaped and I am so glad my mum let me in, I can keep my little girl safe.

I am trying to not feel suicidal anymore, I'm trying to fix the way I think, my daughter needs me and I am here world, I am the luckiest mum in the world to have such a wonderful daughter, honestly I know I haven't had the best life but I'm so proud that I can see my little one grow up into a gorgeous princess!

He has given me Ptsd, he has really ruined my life me and my little girl was okay, we was still a family with him, but like @oregano said, if I killed myself Lola would possibly be put back with my abusive ex boyfriend, who would hurt her, so that gives me reasons to stay alive for her, @Yeshuasdaughter I know, my daughter means the absolute world to me, I love her so much, I'm sorry if I made you mad, just I am gonna get back into therapy maybe if its needed to be put on medication because I want to stay alive to see my little girl grow up.

@Tarliki hello, I'm sorry you are feeling like that you don't deserve to feel pain, no one does and we are always here for you if you need us, stay strong lovely!

Just what me and Lola did today was so lovely, we went and saw the bunnies at Pets at home, she loved them! Maybe it's a Christmas present . Here's some pics of the bunnies. View attachment 76137 View attachment 76138

Thanks to @Sarah S @Gerontius @Gerald Wilgus @Owliet and @maycontainthunder others I can't remember! But thank you!
I can't thank everyone enough for all the support I am getting I love you all, take care,
Love from,
Roxie, lola!

I'm so proud on writing this I writ what I felt inside

 

[Roxiee]

Feel broken.

 

[Roxiee]

Can't stop crying

 

[Roxiee]

I am a useless mum

 

[Aspychata]

Maybe your ptsd was triggered. You might want to think about what happened before you went to your sad room in your head.

Triggers are things that put us into the helpless part where we feel out of control. Sometimes it's for an hour, sometimes it's all day. So say a guy cashier you see reminds of your abusive guy, that might trigger you, or you just cry thinking about bad experience. You have to be able to identify what you are feeling. Then you have to own it. You say l am feeling depressed and (angry, confused, helpless), and l accept how l am feeling. And l love myself, and l have gotten this far. Take deep breaths, seek a hug if you can. Once you let yourself feel everything, then think about things. You left the abusive relationship. Your daughter is safe. You are safe. And we and your mother support you. You are training your mind to get you out of the dark place you are in. It's okay to reward yourself with a nice cup of tea or (fish and chips)), lol). Maybe a burger, if you really struggled.

If you think you need help, then you may need to think about antidepressant for a short period of time. What do you think? Can you identify the triggers that put you in the dark place? Some people like to write down in a notebook what they feel because the act of writing really helps.

I live a short time near crystal palace area in London. I took care of a little boy and girl. The mom had gone thru a divorce, and she was struggling. But l drove the kids to school , it lasted about a month.

 

[Roxiee]

Maybe your ptsd was triggered. You might want to think about what happened before you went to your sad room in your head.

Triggers are things that put us into the helpless part where we feel out of control. Sometimes it's for an hour, sometimes it's all day. So say a guy cashier you see reminds of your abusive guy, that might trigger you, or you just cry thinking about bad experience. You have to be able to identify what you are feeling. Then you have to own it. You say l am feeling depressed and (angry, confused, helpless), and l accept how l am feeling. And l love myself, and l have gotten this far. Take deep breaths, seek a hug if you can. Once you let yourself feel everything, then think about things. You left the abusive relationship. Your daughter is safe. You are safe. And we and your mother support you. You are training your mind to get you out of the dark place you are in. It's okay to reward yourself with a nice cup of tea or (fish and chips)), lol). Maybe a burger, if you really struggled.

If you think you need help, then you may need to think about antidepressant for a short period of time. What do you think? Can you identify the triggers that put you in the dark place? Some people like to write down in a notebook what they feel because the act of writing really helps.

I live a short time near crystal palace area in London. I took care of a little boy and girl. The mom had gone thru a divorce, and she was struggling. But l drove the kids to school , it lasted about a month.

I think my ptsd was triggered

 

[Aspychata]

It's okay. You are human. Not a robot. We have feelings like pizza. And sometimes we have pizza sprinkled with a little trauma. We just got to work thru this. You now have to identify what triggers you. It can be smells, people, sounds, even certain foods can trigger us. Errands sometimes trigger me. Places can trigger. Just take a moment and practice telling yourself it's okay to feel this way. You are very smart, l think you got this.

 

[NB79]

Hey Roxiee we chatted and you didn't told me anything of the sort to me, i am sorry i like to be sympathetic with other people and chat of what is important stuff too, i didn't knew you were feeilng so bad and i can understand people with autism sometimes have it worse than other people by experience, i hope you can take those hopes up. Take care, God bless you.
We can chat more later if you want.

 

[Roxiee]

Hey Roxiee we chatted and you didn't told me anything of the sort to me, i am sorry i like to be sympathetic with other people and chat of what is important stuff too, i didn't knew you were feeilng so bad and i can understand people with autism sometimes have it worse than other people by experience, i hope you can take those hopes up. Take care, God bless you.
We can chat more later if you want.

Hugs thank you

 

[Alexej]

I am a useless mum

I stand against these lies you are telling yourself. You are not useless

 

[Roxiee]

I stand against these lies you are telling yourself. You are not useless

Thanks alex

 

[Luca]

I’m proud of you, Roxie. <3 You ARE a good mum. Don’t let your PTSD tell you otherwise. My PTSD lies to me all the time. Everyone on here has seen me go through that.

I would give anything to have a beautiful daughter like yours and give the world to her. But my situation would not allow for me to have children, and I’m in over my head with full-time dog stuff. I know I complain about kids on here lol but I really wish I could have a daughter. Especially seeing how amazing all of the moms on this forum are. <3
So be the best woman you can for your daughter. She will always love you.

Never feel like you have to let an abusive man continue to control you after he is gone from your life. I know it’s easier said than done. I’ve been treated like an object and a plaything by lots of men too. It hurt my self-esteem, and now I feel like no one would want me and I’ll never find a husband. But that is because my PTSD tells me that.
You have to be stronger than your PTSD, and trust me, I know you are! <3

I know lots of others on here have said these things way better and way more articulately than I have, but you mean a lot to me too, and I know for a fact that the world is a better place with you in it. I love how you come on here and make everyone talk and laugh and smile and I don’t think this forum would be anywhere near the same without you.

I would love to go over to the UK just to give you a big hug right now!! You are like a little sister to me
I’m learning more and more about myself as a grown woman on this forum every day and people like you help me grow and learn too. And I am always here to dispense wisdom even if it doesn’t seem that wise

Keep being yourself, Roxie, because we all love you for being you. And keep being the best mum to Lola and Cassie.

p.s.- keep spamming us with animal pictures!!!
- Luca