Sympathy or Empathy?

[sidd851]

@sidd851 I've missed you!!

Miss you too!

I pop in regularly.
Just haven't been saying much, unless I felt that I had to.

(Yeah, so, a quick search of my recent activity isn't sooo revealing when looked at in the light of "what I deemed important enough to comment on".)

(Move along.
Nothing to see here.)

Hi Fino!

 

[Fino]

 

[sidd851]

 

[Abi]

Empathy sort of confuses me, I've seen it explained in different ways by different people, some of them I get and think yeah, I experience that sometimes, then others I just don't understand at all. I had a conversation with family about it a while ago, and they explained it as being able to step into someone else's shoes and imagine how they would feel. Which I sort of get? But I tend to understand other people's feelings through thinking about how I'd feel in a similar situation. I don't think I could understand how someone might feel in a situation I've never been in, but then can anyone?

But then I guess I don't know how to empathise because someone else in the same situation as me might feel completely differently about it to how I would, but I don't know how I'd go about working out how they might feel instead if it's not in relation to how I would feel. Maybe that makes me self-absorbed, I dunno I also never understood the thing of actually feeling someone else's emotions until very recently. My boyfriend's mom had a cancer scare and he was so upset and so worried and I could feel the pain for him and it was the most overwhelming thing and I had no idea how to cope with it because I'd never felt anything like that before.

I also don't know whether I'm assuming I don't have much empathy because I don't get when people post stuff on social media saying "my heart is breaking for them" etc. whenever there's some natural disaster or terrorist attack. But then again, I don't know how many of those people are being honest about their feelings and how many are saying it to look good. But I do feel sort of heartless and mean sometimes for not feeling much emotion over other people suffering. I can look at it and go "wow, that's awful", but I don't feel pain or anything like that.

 

[sidd851]

Empathy sort of confuses me, I've seen it explained in different ways by different people, some of them I get and think yeah, I experience that sometimes, then others I just don't understand at all. I had a conversation with family about it a while ago, and they explained it as being able to step into someone else's shoes and imagine how they would feel. Which I sort of get? But I tend to understand other people's feelings through thinking about how I'd feel in a similar situation. I don't think I could understand how someone might feel in a situation I've never been in, but then can anyone?

But then I guess I don't know how to empathise because someone else in the same situation as me might feel completely differently about it to how I would, but I don't know how I'd go about working out how they might feel instead if it's not in relation to how I would feel. Maybe that makes me self-absorbed, I dunno I also never understood the thing of actually feeling someone else's emotions until very recently. My boyfriend's mom had a cancer scare and he was so upset and so worried and I could feel the pain for him and it was the most overwhelming thing and I had no idea how to cope with it because I'd never felt anything like that before.

I also don't know whether I'm assuming I don't have much empathy because I don't get when people post stuff on social media saying "my heart is breaking for them" etc. whenever there's some natural disaster or terrorist attack. But then again, I don't know how many of those people are being honest about their feelings and how many are saying it to look good. But I do feel sort of heartless and mean sometimes for not feeling much emotion over other people suffering. I can look at it and go "wow, that's awful", but I don't feel pain or anything like that.

@Autistamatic has some excellent youtube vids on his channel of the same name, on this very subject.
I highly recommend them.
The link is in his signature.

 

[Abi]

@Autistamatic has some excellent youtube vids on his channel of the same name, on this very subject.
I highly recommend them
The link is in his signature.

Thank you for the recommendation and thank you so much to Autistamatic for making those videos. I watched the three on empathy, they were very interesting and helpful and the third one kinda made me cry because it's so rare I feel understood like that. Hearing someone describe exactly what it feels like to become overwhelmed and shut down when I struggle to describe it myself is an amazing feeling.

 

[Progster]

I also don't know whether I'm assuming I don't have much empathy because I don't get when people post stuff on social media saying "my heart is breaking for them" etc. whenever there's some natural disaster or terrorist attack.

I think that with social media it's more about being seen to be empathic, than actually being empathic. The statement has a social function, it's saying "I'm one of you and beelong to your group, so I have the same emotion" and it not to be taken literally.

I often find that with me, it's not the case that I don't feel empathy, it's more the case that given the same situation, I tend to feel and react in a different way to other people. I find it hard to understand other people's emotions where my reaction is different, or would be different in that same situation. Also, I don't feel the need to express an emotion just to be social, and don't express an emotion unless I genuinely feel it. My expressing an emotion is to give information to others about the way I feel or an opinion, it is not a social thing.

 

[Questingprincess]

I've had long conversations with people explaining they do not think I have autism during to the fact I feel forms of empathy but I never know how to act upon the feelings.

Just wondering if you guys agree that people with autism lack empathy or sympathy. See I thought empathy was the one someone with autism had difficulties with, such as putting yourself in that person's position to understand their feelings. Sympathy is just feeling sorry for someone or knowing they are having trouble is some form and just having the feeling their but not being able to Express it.

How do you guys feel about this?

I think that empathy is looking at another person and feeling flashes of their emotions as if it was your own. I sometimes get this, if I am staring another person directly in the face, and suddenly I feel uncomfortable, when I wasn’t ten seconds ago. It took me a few years to figure out that this was what the other person was feeling, and longer to figure out what the most probable cause was (ie, I said something they thought was weird, was talking to them when they feel
sick, took too long to formulate response)

My husband gets this much more strongly than I do. Being surrounded by sick, grouchy, or happy people makes him instantly sick, grouchy, or happy, so he tends to respond in ways meant to alleviate their discomfort. Or just bask in their joy.

I wouldn’t trade places with him for the world. I also do what I can to make the people whose opinions/wellbeing matter happy (my husband, parents, boss), but if the person next to me at work is miserable, I can just write it off as their problem and not feel bad all day from proximity.

PS - my non-professional opinion is that people with autism do not LACK empathy, or sympathy: they just struggle with communicating their understanding or desire to help in ways that normal people understand. This may be because emotional response is typically on the back burner. If you are autistic, even when you are aware that emotion is there, you are built to try to calmly think through the problem, which doesn’t let other people see your emotional response, so they think autistic people are not emotional.
However, it may be true that autistic people experience empathy less often than non-autistics because they (I am told) don’t typically look people in the eye during conversations.
Feel free to write your own opinions.