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Talk about your personal improvements & achievements!

I think my average productivity has been going up recently. Edison was once asked if he was discouraged in his search for how to make a light bulb. Instead, he was glad to have a list of hundreds of ways not to. So, I may be just one more try away from finding someone to popularize my ground-breaking research.
 
Some affirmation victories today. Decided yesterday how I would spend the next morning, then did so. Meditated in the yard, handled government paperwork, handwashed some fragile shirts. Seemingly trivial business, but if you know ED you understand. I'm quite proud of the ability to recognize a pattern of behavior and having the knowledge of how to prepare and execute an alteration. I can only do it within the scope of established routines however, my ability to manage chaos and remain productive within that is still minimal.
 
I had been triggered to live in my past, remembering my social and sexual isolation. That caused me to act cruelly. So, beginning last year I did a deep dive into my psyche with my therapist guiding me in Cognitive Processing Therapy. It was very hard, owning up to what I did to myself, done to explain what I thought was wrong with me when I did not know that I was autistic. It was very hard at times, and discouraging.

Now I am not easily triggered and for any lingering resentment I think about it for a few seconds then offer it to the heavens.
 
I started unmasking a little. It feels good.

For example I stress about phone calls, particularly if I have to make them. For my whole life I've either found a way to avoid calls without giving away why, or summoning up the energy to make calls at the expense of my own mental health. A couple of times recently I was just honest and open about my discomfort. I said I can't make the call and that it was related to my neurodiversity - it was such a relief, and it felt good that I might be able to do this in other areas of my life as well.

Another example: When I'm out and about I've started wearing my headphones more often and avoiding looking directly at people. Even though I know they are still there, it really seems to help.

I think the common theme is that for a long time I've fallen into the trap of assuming that I can do these things just as well as "everyone" else if only I try hard enough and don't give up. But now I think I'm starting to accept my own limitations. So I just avoid the triggers altogether and that seems much more effective.

Also, I've become more militant, which I like. It feels like my rebellious younger years only now I have the advantage of 50+ years of experience so I can rebel with a little more flair and purpose. I'm starting to see the ways that the world is not geared up for autistic people, and I really am not in the mood to keep fitting in.
 

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