Talking to women first.

[tree]

I wasn't specific enough, I guess, in Post #19.

I meant that the example I used were to point out
that it is unlikely that something truly terrible
would happen if you try speaking first to
people.

 

[Human Avatar]

Do you have trouble talking to your mother? Do you have aunts or a grandmother?

When I was a child I just thought talking to women is the same as talking to my relatives.

That really helped with anxiety.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Do you have trouble talking to your mother? Do you have aunts or a grandmother?

When I was a child I just thought talking to women is the same as talking to my relatives.

That really helped with anxiety.

Not the same. Not even remotely close.

 

[Rodafina]

Not the same. Not even remotely close.

What about practicing with a woman who does not fall into your definition of attractive?

It’s the pressure that’s killing your ability to speak. You gotta release the valve.

 

[Human Avatar]

Not the same. Not even remotely close.

Why ?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Just now at the gym after exercise on the treadmill for 45 minutes first time I increased it I left instead of resting because there was an attractive woman sitting across the table from where I would have to sit and I was petrified to sit near her so I stand away from her then I left. I finished my workout anyway.

 

[tree]

But, theoretically, if she'd said something, like "Hey, how ya doin'"
then it would have been ok?

Or what?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

But, theoretically, if she'd said something, like "Hey, how ya doin'"
then it would have been ok?

Or what?

Odds are 100/1 that would happen.

 

[tree]

Odds are 100/1 that would happen.

I wasn't asking for your estimate of the odds on whether a female you
categorize as attractive would speak to you or not.

I was following up on your repeated statements that you can
talk to women, providing they are the first ones to speak.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Sorry misunderstood. Yes, if that happened, I can talk to her. I would be nervous, though.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Today after class I took a chance and it was okay. Okay this attractive woman showed up one other time in class one time. It was her second time. After class she was getting ready to leave and the words came out. I asked her how was the class? How long have you been doing yoga? How long have you been coming here? She answered all questions politely as she is a friendly person. She even forgot her water bottle so I had to run after her to give it to her and she said thank you.

So am I capable to do this yes? When I do it do my hands Shake and my heart rate goes up. Yes. Will I be able to do it every time? No.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Again today something came over me at the Church lunch so I just moved close to her and the words came out of my mouth and I said my name is Tony, what's yours? She said my name is Tracy. I asked how long you been coming here? She said about a year. I said four years. I asked her friend the sane question. Then we started to really talk. She had a British accent so I asked where she was from. She said from Britain. She said where she was from. I said my late grandmother was from around there. We talked about different things even mentioned yoga and had a long conversation even after her friend left. So this is the second time I approached a woman I don't know and it turned out fine.

 

[Judge]

Have you ever pondered what kind of woman you might be able approach and not be nervous about it?

Just wondering...approaching complete strangers remains stressful although I accept the inevitability of it all. With those who know me and I them I have that coveted "comfort level" I can seldom achieve with strangers.

Otherwise it must be kind of like having to conduct "cold calls" in the private sector.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Your right. Apparently approaching women at church or even people at the yoga studio I go too where most of the clientele are friendly I will lead friendly responds compared to the public park, gym would less to a more negative result.

 

[Judge]

Your right. Apparently approaching women at church or even people at the yoga studio I go too where most of the clientele are friendly I will lead friendly responds compared to the public park, gym would less to a more negative result.

In this instance it isn't so much the venue I'm thinking of, as simply the aspect of repetition. And that there's no telling where you may find friendly people. No harm in looking for other places to branch out in.

That making the same connection over and over is what counts. Where eventually they may greet you first. When at some point you find yourself grinning realizing that it isn't so painful as you make that same social contact over and over with the same people who begin to appear to be receptive to you.

It feels really good at that point when you realize that nervousness is gone. Even better when you take that step further and discover that even complete strangers no longer rattle you. That was the point where I chose to take myself off of meds prescribed by my doctor to deal with such issues.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

It's just the woman at the church lunch was sitting alone with another woman after another woman I know left. I actually got up, sat next to her and introduced myself. I don't know how I did it but once I started to talk to her and she talked to me back without running away, being friendly it was actually easy to continue to talk to her.

 

[Rodafina]

It's just the woman at the church lunch was sitting alone with another woman after another woman I know left. I actually got up, sat next to her and introduced myself. I don't know how I did it but once I started to talk to her and she talked to me back without running away, being friendly it was actually easy to continue to talk to her.

Well done, Tony. Something that felt impossible happened and it was successful. Thanks for sharing this breakthrough that you had.