Telling my spouse kinda backfired

[Au Naturel]

When I told my wife, she laughed and said, "You're more of a Leonard than a Sheldon."

 

[Christian]

Is a miracle that you have a spouse in first place, of course, if you are attractive you wont have any problem in attracting people from the opposite sex, but in the emotional level, at least in my personal experience, you must have been black void, sure, you can feel stuff, but love, affection, is not something easy to express to someone that have autism, most people not understand Asperger or autism, and despise you because you never actually say what they want to hear like "I love you", or they hate when you are blunt, say something that they not understand, they dismiss you like you were an idiot.

 

[unperson]

er home reno/decoration stuff is a different and separate issue from autism. A picture is worth a thousand words and there's plenty of 'your new kitchen' type visualisation apps around. Ask hin to show you, not tell you. At least he's a guy who DOES home improvement stuff yannow, they're not all like that.

But yeah in other areas the infantilisation is real. and annoying.

 

[Suzette]

I will leave the relationship advice to others as I am not sure I have anthing valuable to add. And my personal opinion will not likely help Amy Stone because it is strongly negative against her husband.

I find this situation quite disturbing. These kind of interactions are what keep me from seeking more than superficial friendships. I always feel like there is a trap I haven't seen in addition to the obvious conflict. I really hate to be manipulated.

 

[Magna]

Yep.

Well...just an FYI, the workbook backfired also. I was hoping it would be a bridge in communication styles, but after he read one chapter he said "ya I am not going to do this". Suffice to say I have been put into the "snowflake" category and regret divulging my diagnosis. I would not dissuade others from telling their spouses, but maybe test the waters a bit before completely "coming out".

As for me, I will resort to my usual response which is to retreat, internalize, be agreeable and hope that with time he forgets I ever mentioned it. Ya. 1950's all over again. But here we are. He isn't a bad person...he's actually quite lovely. When you marry, you take the good with the bad and these are his flaws. They could be worse. We will get through it...or not.

Amy Stone:

Huge ego, thinking he's correct all the time, etc.

You might want to research and also watch youtube videos related to Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Perhaps your husband falls into that category? Perhaps not, but maybe it's worth checking out.

This video below opened my eyes in relation to a few family members of mine:

 

[watersprite]

Some men and women come to treat their relationship as a zero sum game.
Once you realze they’re doing that, `not sure there is any hope because they aren’t working on the same goal as yours.

If someone demands you get rid of your pets and wants you to distance yourself from your loved ones, it is a red flag.

 

[Judge]

Some men and women come to treat their relationship as a zero sum game.
Once you realze they’re doing that, `not sure there is any hope because they aren’t working on the same goal as yours.

Interesting subject. Makes me wonder just how many married couples at the outset really envision a "we" or "us", while potentially maintaining different objectives.

Knowing that compromise can sustain a relationship, but it's no guarantee of equality.

I've also heard even more cynical views such as those from a political science professor who insisted that all human relationships are political in nature. That from the outset they have personal goals which may not serve in any mutual capacity. That even a marriage can become a power struggle.

For better or worse I do believe there are lots of persons that may fit such categories, even in terms of their closest relationships. Reasonably validated considering the percentage of marriages that fail.

 

[watersprite]

@Judge that is perhaps an accurate view. But - when dealing with a personal circumstance one cannot afford to spend much time in the realm of the abstract.
Narcissists are tricky predators.

I believe if humans manage to continue on into the future, our state of relationships and politics will be seen as horribly damaging.

 

[Judge]

@Judge that is perhaps an accurate view. But - when dealing with a personal circumstance one cannot afford to spend much time in the realm of the abstract.
Narcissists are tricky predators.

I believe if humans manage to continue on into the future, our state of relationships and politics will be seen as horribly damaging.

True. I'd wage that most any narcissist isn't after a piece of the pie, but the whole thing. Making such a relationship a dire concern to say the least. More of a "worst-case scenario" when it comes to any relationship.