telling to an NT about having Autism spectrum without shock it

[aspie1w]

Hello to everyone:

i was wondering how to say to somebody Neurotypical without cause an major shock that may have or have autism spectrum disorder, just i have tried with a friend but just got into a major shock did not talked in several days and now i find quite different as used to be.

my question is how to say or tell it without cause any harm or this is not that possible?

best regards
Aspie1w

 

[Judge]

Precisely why you keep your autism first and foremost on a "need-to-know" basis only.

Because there are no guarantees as to how someone may take such news, whether they are your closest friends or relatives who have known you all of their lives.

Making it an inherent "crapshoot" as to how they may take such a thing, provided they even understand autism in the most basic sense. When in doubt, don't do it.

 

[Matthias]

Hello to everyone:

i was wondering how to say to somebody Neurotypical without cause an major shock that may have or have autism spectrum disorder, just i have tried with a friend but just got into a major shock did not talked in several days and now i find quite different as used to be.

my question is how to say or tell it without cause any harm or this is not that possible?

best regards
Aspie1w

Their reactions will primarily depend on their understanding of autism. If you ask them if they've heard of autism and what they think about it, you'll get a better idea of whether it's a good idea to tell them.

 

[Suzette]

One thing to consider is why you might want to tell someone.

Honestly, most people really don't care to know. They get weird about intimate details about others. If they don't know they just keep taking you exactly as you are. And that is what most people want.

 

[aspie1w]

looks like is not a single way since is entirely based in the collective knowledge of what is the spectrum, Just when said tell to somebody i meant to certain closer friends only tell them , not to everybody about the subject

 

[Suzette]

looks like is not a single way since is entirely based in the collective knowledge of what is the spectrum, Just when said tell to somebody i meant to certain closer friends only tell them , not to everybody about the subject

I just figured out my own Autisim this past summer. I am 54.

Since my mom and I have always had a contentious relationship I thought "Great! I will tell her about my autisim and we can explore how my autisim might have been partly responsible for our discord!
That seems like a reasonable thing to me. I thought my mom might say something like 'Oh, that explains so much'. But no, this didn't happen. She wasn't interested at all.

Next I tried telling a friend who is a middle school teacher. I thought she might have more knowledge about autisim and my disclosure would give us an interesting chat. My news fell like a lead balloon. Even my own husband just said "O.k." or somesuch.

Basically I wanted someone that I know in real life to validate my belief in my autisim. No body was willing to have that conversation.

My point isn't "don't tell others". Just be aware that if you do, you might not get the reaction you are hoping for. But no matter what anyone says, don't feel invalidated.

You know yourself best

 

[Timo_WA]

Hey there! I am a little confused. Were you wanting to tell this friend that you have autism, or that you think maybe they have autism?

 

[aspie1w]

i have autism , how to say to a closer friend that i have it, without cause any harm in the act

 

[Timo_WA]

i have autism , how to say to a closer friend that i have it, without cause any harm in the act

You did nothing wrong, and you didn't cause them any harm. If they don't know how to speak to you now, that's because of their own ignorance. I know that doesn't change the feeling of rejection, but if they can't handle even you opening up the tiniest bit, they were going to end up being a drain on you anyway as they clearly need everything to be their way in a friendship. If you really want to try to keep it going, maybe you can send this person something to read, but it's also not your responsibility to educate anyone, and it's still not a guarantee that they will understand.

For reference, I am NT. My friend told me, and I went to read about it. So it doesn't always result in people withdrawing. I guess you just have to pick your people carefully. It's hard to know who that is though. Maybe send out some feelers to see what they know about autism before you go all in. The more people know, the less they will be shocked.

 

[aspie1w]

i discovered that i had autism since a friend that have it told me his suspects about him having it and when i researched i realized i have it too , was an really odd coincidence , and yeah am agree research and ask is like the most powerful tool.

 

[Aspychata]

This how l discovered it too. But the person told me l don't have it. But l can stim like nobody's momma and it feels great.

Should you tell someone? It's like playing the lottery, you will lose. Maybe just keep it to yourself?

 

[Tom]

I only tell medical personnel if necessary and friends if they have first completely accepted me as I am and come to an understanding I am different in some way.

 

[Fino]

We want to tell people because we long to be understood. People want to be known. Unfortunately, in this particular situation, it doesn't open you up. It just confuses them, and whatever image they have of autism is slapped onto you.

 

[aspie1w]

have happened that at first when I got the confirmation of the diagnosis I told to a friend that I felt that might trust, just didn't believed that I might have that, other like as understood but that was like all and my experience telling to somebody that I though was a closer friend was like disastrous so only I don't tell to everyone but to certain friends that I know by over the years only and have proven to me be of confidence. It's this not a thing to be posting in a newspaper.

 

[Owliet]

It just confuses them, and whatever image they have of autism is slapped onto you.

This is a big part of the problem, that people are ignorant about ASD largely due to stereotypes portrayed in the media which then sticks in the minds of what they think is autism when most of the time they are extreme exaggerated characteristics combined. Then you get people who say, ok, you don’t look autistic or think that because you are autistic that you’re exactly like Chris Chan... My favorite though is the “girls don’t get autism”...

I posted in another thread recently about this, but I’ve made a mistake often times of telling people who will reject me in some form or just don’t understand what it is, so don’t bother further as some people like simple things without “stress or mess”.

For reference, I am NT. My friend told me, and I went to read about it. So it doesn't always result in people withdrawing.

it’s sad that I feel like you’re one of the exceptions. You’re a good friend to read up more for your friend.

 

[WildCat]

I'm seconding Judge's take on this: need-to-know basis only.

I can count the number of people who know about it on one hand, and that's really all the people who need to know. I can trust immediate family and professionals who will keep things confidential with that information; as for anyone else, it's a dice roll and could be prone to being misinterpreted.

Not that I'm too worried about it being misinterpreted though, since if someone views me differently, more so if for worse, after I present that fact to them they're probably not the kind of person I want to be around. For those who don't mind though or, better, are willing to understand and give you that breath of fresh air so to speak, yeah, you definitely should keep those people in your orbit.

 

[Timo_WA]

it’s sad that I feel like you’re one of the exceptions. You’re a good friend to read up more for your friend.

So I am finding out. This whole thread is making me really sad because I didn't realize that the consensus was "don't tell anyone". I mean, it makes sense why when you see these stories, but it's so lame that people won't even bother to try for people that they claim to care about.

 

[Owliet]

So I am finding out. This whole thread is making me really sad because I didn't realize that the consensus was "don't tell anyone". I mean, it makes sense why when you see these stories, but it's so lame that people won't even bother to try for people that they claim to care about.

Yeah, but then you get people like you who do and that does make a difference. Your friend is lucky to have you.

 

[Forest Cat]

If you do tell someone, it can be good to mention that nothing has changed. I told someone after I was diagnosed and they thought I had changed, so I reminded them that I was the same I had always been, I was born with it, nothing had changed. And most people know little about it, so maybe don't expect much, they just don't know what or how it is.

 

[aspie1w]

Timo i might understand your frustration but when get rejected sometimes or things changes since you tell to your friend about it it's really discouraging , your friend might have luck of have somebody open minded like you.