The "Aspie" Stare?

[KaiteQ]

One of the things that really made me believe I have Aspergers is that I sometimes get this far off dreamy look in my eyes.
I've never realized when I do it unless someone points it out to me...
Do you guys know what I'm talking about?
Do you ever do that? Your face goes to it's default setting when you're trying to process everything...
I've been told whenever I do that face, lot's of people think I'm mad when most of the time I'm fine.

 

[The Impossible Girl]

Yep, I stare too. Always have. Being diagnosed with Fibromyalgia Syndrome at a young age, I generally dismissed it as fatigue. I'm used to doing things without really looking. I tend not to fight it as it serves me well to get through domestic chores and the like. However people, especially those not close to me, do find it rather disconcerting to say the least. I find I catch myself staring and then I panic because I haven't kept up with the conversation, then I clam up and just nod, hoping that that'll suffice. I often have to tell people to repeat themselves, and admittedly I am usually unwilling to clarify why I needed them to repeat themselves. Perhaps in the future this will change, and I will be more willing to clarify situations like this. Right now I am doubtful of any such occurrence. My current small circle of, let us say, friends are unhelpful and unthoughtful at best.

 

[Peace]

YES!!!!! I made a thread about it a month or so back. I hear about it all the time. It also got me in trouble a lot when I was young. My dad was not a patient man. It got me into trouble as an adult as well. My wife (Past), did not understand, and it bothered her. One of my daughters comments on it often. You also explained it beautifully, way to go.
I think I am going to enjoy being your friend here.

 

[jwjones87]

Yes, all the time! My gf says I always look mad, and I often zone out during conversations.

 

[cherryq]

I have been told that I look sad, or mad, or not listening. Many times I get in trouble because I am "staring off into space" and not paying attention.

 

[Dryope]

Yes -- and this has led to weird and sad social situations. Like the boy in high school who mocked me for being in love with him (I barely knew he existed -- he was just near the corner I stared at) and missing an opportunity to see an actress I wanted at DragonCon because I was staring and zoned out when people told me (OK, that's disassociation from sensory overload, but I think they go together).

But basically, yeah, everyone thinking I'm [insert negative trait here]. I'm a Rorschach test: they project whatever they want onto me, and the staring does not help.

 

[Beverly]

I do "the stare" too and, usually get ask "What's wrong?" when I do. Apparently I look troubled when I do it. *shrug* I've taken to answering "Noting, just my subconscious in over drive again." Then people laugh and it is soon forgotten.

 

[Pondering]

Yes, exactly. Often times I find that I stare off into space while in deep thought, but technically, unfortunately, it tends to be right in the direction of a person - usually a stranger. Once a teacher asked me if I was okay because I was doing 'the stare' for so long and without blinking. I imagine it must appear to be quite uncomfortable or creepy even on the outside, especially to anyone who catches me doing it, but it is normal behavior for me. I don't realize I'm doing it until I've been doing it for like five minutes straight and my eyes start to sting because they are dry from having not blinked. Most of the time when I do 'that stare', it is with an expressionless face and again, unfortunately, makes me appear intimidating or unapproachable, apparently. Sometimes it happens when I'm either processing, daydreaming, reviewing memories, planning, mentally/emotionally preparing for something, or just being drowsy. It is fairly easy for me to snap out of it though. Although if I snap out of 'the stare', I can't easily get back into deep thought even if I need to. But I believe that aspect in particular is a little more introvert-related.

 

[Suzanne]

I thought it was normal, but on reading this thread, it brings to mind that my husband has commented a few times and I did ask him if he ever gets this and he said: no, never heard of it and did not quite know what I was getting at.

In public, it doesn't happen and I think that it is a subconscious no no for me, because my obsession, if you like, is to be a nice person and so, I smile and am very animated. Also horrendously self conscious!

It is a weird feeling because I find myself wanting to go into the "stare" like my muscles are pulling me in, but I want to pull out and so a sort of tug of war goes on; I find it annoying actually.

Is it psychological that on reading this, I can feel that pull lol

 

[Progster]

Yes, I zone out quite a bit and get this glazed over 'lost in space' look. I zone out a lot in social situations.

 

[amarie.]

I stare too. Sometimes I'll do it while I'm standing up and rocking back and forth and it freaks my bf out lol. I usually just tell him I went into my own world.

 

[Maelstrom]

"amarie., post: 234710, member: 13642"]I stare too. Sometimes I'll do it while I'm standing up and rocking back and forth and it freaks my bf out lol. I usually just tell him I went into my own world.

Hi Amarie, I have a bad habit of going into my head, I have to be careful I'm not looking at a person when doing it. One time I heard someone calling my name in the church lobby, when I came out of my mind trance I was looking at some old ladies Boobs acrossed the room. She thought it was very funny, I didn't I had no idea she was even there, and she wasn't hot either...Ugh! not a good day at all. Never never ever look at people while thinking...Bad! Welcome to Aspieland amarie.

 

[amarie.]

Hi Amarie, I have a bad habit of going into my head, I have to be careful I'm not looking at a person when doing it. One time I heard someone calling my name in the church lobby, when I came out of my mind trance I was looking at some old ladies Boobs acrossed the room. She thought it was very funny, I didn't I had no idea she was even there, and she wasn't hot either...Ugh! not a good day at all. Never never ever look at people while thinking...Bad! Welcome to Aspieland amarie.

Thanks! I'm still trying to find my way around here but your story is hilarious and unfortunate. I have a horrible habit of going into my own head when I'm talking to someone and its so embarrassing. I'm usually indifferent when it comes to people's stories so I usually wind up bored and before I know it I'm staring at them all glass eyed while I float away in my own world. Sometimes I'm lucky enough to pull myself out before they really notice

 

[Maelstrom]

I have at times gone so far into my head that I sort of stop seeing and hearing people, like with that lady she and her friend had to call my name 3 or 4 times and I still could barely hear them, it was like someone was calling down a well to me.

 

[amarie.]

I have at times gone so far into my head that I sort of stop seeing and hearing people, like with that lady she and her friend had to call my name 3 or 4 times and I still could barely hear them, it was like someone was calling down a well to me.

That's exactly how it is for me too. Before I found out about Aspergers it would really freak me out when that would happen to me, I thought something was probably really wrong with me.

 

[Maelstrom]

That's exactly how it is for me too. Before I found out about Aspergers it would really freak me out when that would happen to me, I thought something was probably really wrong with me.

Yes amarie the same for me, I would retreat from the world for a while to recover my dignity after a bad staring or talking thing that went sideways. I was very happy when I found out I was a auspie, the family not so much, they couldn't deny I was really different any more, and tell me I had to just learn to be this, or that. But I do better now, I have my list of things to try to monitor when dealing with people, and so long as I'm not blindsided, or overloaded with too much new stuff, I do okay most of the time.

 

[amarie.]

Yes amarie the same for me, I would retreat from the world for a while to recover my dignity after a bad staring or talking thing that went sideways. I was very happy when I found out I was a auspie, the family not so much, they couldn't deny I was really different any more, and tell me I had to just learn to be this, or that. But I do better now, I have my list of things to try to monitor when dealing with people, and so long as I'm not blindsided, or overloaded with too much new stuff, I do okay most of the time.

Finding out about Aspergers was such a relief. I've only told my bf about it because he lives with me but I haven't bought it up to my family. They wouldn't take it seriously. They will just tell me I'm making excuses or I don't have anything wrong with me I just need to act more like them (I was diagnosed with depression/OCD/anxiety when I was little but my mom just sees it as excuses)

 

[Maelstrom]

That is too bad amarie it is so much better when families try to work with children with autistic traits, rather than continuing to try to pound a square peg through a round hole, so much unnessisary damage and heart ach. (((Hugs))) for you amarie I hope your family can try to understand you more, my mother kept hammering away at me no matter how many times I told her it just wouldn't work that way. I think she feels bad now and sees she did far more harm to my life than good, but the damage isn't easily reversed ruined education and carrier paths don't evaporate just because you now feel bad about forcing you child in a unwise direction. Nor does wife and grand kids magically appear when you spent all your time trying to win...instead of helping your child with the learning of life skills and finding a suitable path in life. Best wishes to you amarie you may quote me to your Mom if you need to.

 

[amarie.]

That is too bad amarie it is so much better when families try to work with children with autistic traits, rather than continuing to try to pound a square peg through a round hole, so much unnessisary damage and heart ach. (((Hugs))) for you amarie I hope your family can try to understand you more, my mother kept hammering away at me no matter how many times I told her it just wouldn't work that way. I think she feels bad now and sees she did far more harm to my life than good, but the damage isn't easily reversed ruined education and carrier paths don't evaporate just because you now feel bad about forcing you child in a unwise direction. Nor does wife and grand kids magically appear when you spent all your time trying to win...instead of helping your child with the learning of life skills and finding a suitable path in life. Best wishes to you amarie you may quote me to your Mom if you need to.

Thank you so much, I totally will if I have to its been hard enough convincing my mom that depression and anxiety can actually impact your life (her favorite things to tell me is I just need to "get over it", or "I need to get out more" and "I'm too old to still be acting like this") so I can only imagine what she'll think/say when I bring up something on the autism spectrum.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thank you so much, I totally will if I have to its been hard enough convincing my mom that depression and anxiety can actually impact your life (her favorite things to tell me is I just need to "get over it", or "I need to get out more" and "I'm too old to still be acting like this") so I can only imagine what she'll think/say when I bring up something on the autism spectrum.

Ugh! you didn't get much understanding with any of your autistic diagnosses, autistic stuff is real physical stuff, just like being blind or deaf, it doesn't go away just because someone finds it inconvenient. My mother used to say stuff like that to me too, I did eventually learn to be outgoing on my own terms, slowly in bits and pieces, now my Mom asks me to talk less and be less noticeable, you can't win. The truth is she mostly cares about how she looks through me socially, not my about personal happiness. The irony is I'm a savant royal, and about to eclipse them all, including my honor role brothers I was held up against, but she doesn't care she begs me to give up my nuclear stuff. So amarie don't listen to them, figure out what you are good at and how you like to live and go for it. Try to stretch your self on the people stuff in little bits when you have the energy, so you get stronger, but don't over do it, take your time, and keep track of what works, and what doesn't, so you get better at it. Best wishes Mael