The "Aspie" Stare?

[amarie.]

Ugh! you didn't get much understanding with any of your autistic diagnosses, autistic stuff is real physical stuff, just like being blind or deaf, it doesn't go away just because someone finds it inconvenient. My mother used to say stuff like that to me too, I did eventually learn to be outgoing on my own terms, slowly in bits and pieces, now my Mom asks me to talk less and be less noticeable, you can't win. The truth is she mostly cares about how she looks through me socially, not my about personal happiness. The irony is I'm a savant royal, and about to eclipse them all, including my honor role brothers I was held up against, but she doesn't care she begs me to give up my nuclear stuff. So amarie don't listen to them, figure out what you are good at and how you like to live and go for it. Try to stretch your self on the people stuff in little bits when you have the energy, so you get stronger, but don't over do it, take your time, and keep track of what works, and what doesn't, so you get better at it. Best wishes Mael

Thank you so much. I'm learning to love this forum! My mom is the exact same way, she cares more about how she looks to the public than she does about my feelings. I was diagnosed when I was 5 which was before 1994 which I think was the year that Aspergers became "official" (I'm sure I'm right about that) so Aspergers was totally missed unfortunately. And I always wondered why the meds they gave me never worked for me so I've been dealing with my issues off meds for years now. I've tried to go outside of my comfort zone since I had my daughter, making small talk at the playground but I never enjoy it. It still makes me uncomfortable and I've been doing it for 5 years now. Especially when I say something weird and I'm like, why the hell would I say that. There are only like 3 people I feel comfortable talking to and that doesn't include my mom at all. Thanks again though, you've been really helpful.

 

[Maelstrom]

Thank you so much. I'm learning to love this forum! My mom is the exact same way, she cares more about how she looks to the public than she does about my feelings. I was diagnosed when I was 5 which was before 1994 which I think was the year that Aspergers became "official" (I'm sure I'm right about that) so Aspergers was totally missed unfortunately. And I always wondered why the meds they gave me never worked for me so I've been dealing with my issues off meds for years now. I've tried to go outside of my comfort zone since I had my daughter, making small talk at the playground but I never enjoy it. It still makes me uncomfortable and I've been doing it for 5 years now. Especially when I say something weird and I'm like, why the hell would I say that. There are only like 3 people I feel comfortable talking to and that doesn't include my mom at all. Thanks again though, you've been really helpful.

You are welcome amarie, 3 good talking with friends is actually pretty good, I only have one really good one, but they are hard to find even for NTs. The small talk is a art, it takes time to learn how to tease out their interests and get them talking, generally you end up asking a few questions and spend the rest of the time parroting back small bits of what they said in affermation, like oh that really upset you, or oh that is too bad, or oh I'm so happy for you. If you do that enough, once in a while you get to talk about one of your interests for a little bit in trade. It's like trading baseball cards except they get 9 and we get 1, but it's better than nothing if you do it right. Glad I could help some, there are lots of other nice aspies here who know about coping with this stuff too....I hope things go better for you in the future amarie

 

[amarie.]

You are welcome amarie, 3 good talking with friends is actually pretty good, I only have one really good one, but they are hard to find even for NTs. The small talk is a art, it takes time to learn how to tease out their interests and get them talking, generally you end up asking a few questions and spend the rest of the time parroting back small bits of what they said in affermation, like oh that really upset you, or oh that is too bad, or oh I'm so happy for you. If you do that enough, once in a while you get to talk about one of your interests for a little bit in trade. It's like trading baseball cards except they get 9 and we get 1, but it's better than nothing if you do it right. Glad I could help some, there are lots of other nice aspies here who know about coping with this stuff too....I hope things go better for you in the future amarie

My main interest is cartoons, I laugh every time I think about having a serious talk with a "normal" parent about cartoons

 

[Maelstrom]

My main interest is cartoons, I laugh every time I think about having a serious talk with a "normal" parent about cartoons

Aaaaw! don't get me started on Pinky and the Brain, and Despicable Me. My life parrallels Grus life too much all I need is some cute little orphan girls and a secret agent girlfriend....I pretty much have the rest in the bag here shortly with a little luck. good luck with things amarie

 

[amarie.]

Aaaaw! don't get me started on Pinky and the Brain, and Despicable Me. My life parrallels Grus life too much all I need is some cute little orphan girls and a secret agent girlfriend....I pretty much have the rest in the bag here shortly with a little luck. good luck with things amarie

I LOVE Pinky and the Brain! I was lucky enough to meet their voice actors last year and that was one of the best days of my life!

 

[Maelstrom]

I LOVE Pinky and the Brain! I was lucky enough to meet their voice actors last year and that was one of the best days of my life!

Wow! that is totally cool...I miss that cartoon we don't get Pinky and the Brain here any more. I think most cartoons are better than TV and movies anyways....and a whole lot more rewatchable too.

 

[You'llPokeYourEyeOut]

I understand the feeling. Before I discovered I am an Aspie, my NT friends would say they knew when I "zoned out" because my eyes would glaze over. I did not realize I was doing it. Sometimes now I can catch myself, while other times it takes someone asking if I am okay for me to realize I am doing it.