The benefits of finding out later in life that you are an aspie

[Progster]

I used to think that I was a bad person, sensitive, paranoid, difficult to live with and get on with. I had difficulty keeping jobs and friends. I also used to get upset because whenever my partner went out to socialize, I wouldn't be able to join in the conversation. I always felt disconnected to the conversation and other people - I may as well have been watching TV, and I got left out of social activities. I often couldn't understand how other people think, and always felt insecure around people because I never knew where I stood with them; I always had to guess at their feelings and emotions towards me. I could never understand how people managed to hold conversations in noisy pubs or restaurants because I never could. I couldn't understand how I'd suddenly be gripped by an obsession with another country and learning its language to the extent that I'd want to go and live there, or why certain things bothered me, but not other people.

Now I have an explanation for this, and that's good. But I wish I'd been diagnosed earlier on and hadn't had to go through life not knowing, and making all the mistakes that I made.

 

[Dave-V]

I’m 57, but it was only last year my counsellor asked if I’d been assessed for Asperger’s. At the time I knew very little about Asperger’s, but once I started researching things began to fall into place. Some of the blogs I read just sent shivers down my spine as they so accurately described my inner turmoil. I was not alone – there was a whole community of people out there with similar experiences.

I just wish I’d had this information 40 years ago. Whilst I doubt it would have changed the course of my life, it would certainly have given me a better understanding and acceptance of myself and probably a resulted in a less angst filled time.

However, better late than never. It bodes well for the next 40 years!

 

[Naturalist]

I do wish I had understood sooner that I was not alone in my perspective. I would have loved to have known that I could ask for assistance and accomodations in college and jobs, especially. But I am also grateful for the chance to reach my own understanding of myself, rather than having my identity and my awareness of my abilities/disabilities spoon-fed to me by parents and "specialists".

 

[Warmheart]

Suzanne, I re-read your original post. You say so eloquently what many of us feel. Knowing in advance when a situation may overwhelm, then being assertive about setting some boundaries, is excellent guidance. Thank you for your insights, and for this thread!

My official diagnosis was last month. This will be a year of learning. It's my responsibility to learn to be aware of which events will be fine and which may overwhelm. I'll also learn to listen to my body's signals better, and learn some kick-butt coping skills. Shutdowns & meltdowns will ideally happen less.

I've gotta learn how to Aspie.

 

[DogwoodTree]

one of my friends who is an aspie and has children who are autistic as well has decided not to tell them. Her logic is that her not knowing as she was growing up forced her to better her skills at imitating those around her and eliminated the possibility of her using it as a crutch.

Two of my kids (ages 12 and 7) show strong traits, and we've decided not to tell them about it yet, either. The older has already started talking about how she feels different, but we've emphasized her positive traits and helped her understand different personality types (like introvert vs. extrovert). She seems to naturally celebrate who she is, no matter how poorly she "fits in."

DH found her sitting alone at homeschool co-op the other day for lunch, and he checked in with her to make sure she was okay. She happily informed him, "Yep, I'm just an introvert. I like sitting alone!"

We do try to make sure she has contact with other kids who share some of her interests, so she's not completely isolated. And she enjoys a lot of respect and honor within our family and among the adults at church (she gets along with adults a lot better than with kids). On some level, I'm concerned, though. I know how much it hurts to not fit in. It worries me the struggles she could face in trying to figure all of this out.

 

[HisShadowX]

I have yet to benefit for this because I have no skills and low social skills. So someone like my self who can make use of therapy and proper care cannot get it since therapy is there mainly for those 22 and younger which leaves people like me out the door

 

[A BROUHAHA]

I have yet to benefit for this because I have no skills and low social skills.

Just because you don't perceive there to be benefits does not mean there are none to be found. On the contrary it could be a matter of what you enjoy about yourself that you may perceive to be normal is in fact extraordinary to others, and you simply don't realize it as you know nothing different. Some of the most extraordinary people in the world don't realize just how special they are.

 

[HisShadowX]

Just because you don't perceive there to be benefits does not mean there are none to be found. On the contrary it could be a matter of what you enjoy about yourself that you may perceive to be normal is in fact extraordinary to others, and you simply don't realize it as you know nothing different. Some of the most extraordinary people in the world don't realize just how special they are.

I really wish there was a case worker or consular who can help me find that special thing about me

 

[A BROUHAHA]

I really wish there was a case worker or consular who can help me find that special thing about me

It literally can be as simple as how your mind processes things that sets you apart from everyone else, in fact if you didn't process things differently than you wouldn't be an aspie.

 

[CleopatrasAsp]

Our son, 14, has just been diagnosed with Asperger's, but many of the traits that made us suspect it are traits that he shares with his father. So now of course my husband is wondering if he has Asperger's as well... but at age 44, he's wondering what the point of getting diagnosed would be. He socializes well enough, although as an introvert, he doesn't really enjoy socializing, and he can hold a job and conduct his daily activities well enough. Would there be any benefit to it for him?

 

[bubbles]

For me, I find that I am becoming more assertive when I need time out. Before, I felt very embarrassed and just coped because I felt I was being too troublesome.

Take last night. Well we celebrated the memorial of Jesus Christ and I already knew I was not going to cope very well ie noise and crowds, but what made it worse, was needing to get to our hall an hour before it started, due to my husband on parking duties. As predicted, since I had not been assigned to do anything, I felt I was in the way; but felt too shy to sit and do nothing; since it was in a small room and thus, no where to "disappear". I felt close to tears and useless and suddenly, grabbed my tablet ( android, for those who take things literally - like me lol) and got in our car and tried to breath and not to burst into tears. I did not feel embarrassed for doing that though and when I saw another beloved couple arrive, who had not been assigned to do anything, I suddenly knew it was going to be ok and it was.

Before finding out I have aspergers, I would either just sit there, feeling worse and worse, or go and sit in the car and die with shame; none of that happened.

I now say to my husband that I cannot do a full day of anything, otherwise, I will not be able to function the next day and although he is annoyed and frustrated, I do not feel shame, because he knows I am different and thus, if he chooses to not "get to know me", then that has to be his problem. Oh and believe me, I have spent my married life trying to be a good wife!

But anyway, this supposed to be a POSITIVE thread lol

Is there any chance your a Jehovah's Witness, because I am too and I celebrated the memorial on the same day, just on the off chance really

 

[gjl1968]

For me, I find that I am becoming more assertive when I need time out. Before, I felt very embarrassed and just coped because I felt I was being too troublesome.

Take last night. Well we celebrated the memorial of Jesus Christ and I already knew I was not going to cope very well ie noise and crowds, but what made it worse, was needing to get to our hall an hour before it started, due to my husband on parking duties. As predicted, since I had not been assigned to do anything, I felt I was in the way; but felt too shy to sit and do nothing; since it was in a small room and thus, no where to "disappear". I felt close to tears and useless and suddenly, grabbed my tablet ( android, for those who take things literally - like me lol) and got in our car and tried to breath and not to burst into tears. I did not feel embarrassed for doing that though and when I saw another beloved couple arrive, who had not been assigned to do anything, I suddenly knew it was going to be ok and it was.

Before finding out I have aspergers, I would either just sit there, feeling worse and worse, or go and sit in the car and die with shame; none of that happened.

I now say to my husband that I cannot do a full day of anything, otherwise, I will not be able to function the next day and although he is annoyed and frustrated, I do not feel shame, because he knows I am different and thus, if he chooses to not "get to know me", then that has to be his problem. Oh and believe me, I have spent my married life trying to be a good wife!

But anyway, this supposed to be a POSITIVE thread lol

I can really relate to your post, it resonates with me. Im 12 months diagnosed in my late 40s but still struggling with these issues.

 

[fredvizsla]

Benefits? It gives me a legitimate platform from which to analyze and criticize the enormous hypocrisy that exists in a society that thinks itself intelligent, caring, and acting on "empathy" when dealing with human beings. And psychology is a profit-making scandal.
Asperger: The HypoSocial Human | Investigating the Asperger brain as a legacy of ancestral humans

 

[On the Inside]

Our son, 14, has just been diagnosed with Asperger's, but many of the traits that made us suspect it are traits that he shares with his father. So now of course my husband is wondering if he has Asperger's as well... but at age 44, he's wondering what the point of getting diagnosed would be. He socializes well enough, although as an introvert, he doesn't really enjoy socializing, and he can hold a job and conduct his daily activities well enough. Would there be any benefit to it for him?

If your husband, you or anyone else important in your lives has no problem with how he conducts his life and he is mostly satisfied and happy, maybe not. But there might be some value in it for your son, to have his dad in his corner. Maybe he doesn't need a full diagnosis, but talking it over with a therapist who works with Aspergers would help give him perspective.

 

[Pocket86]

I was officially diagnosed 2 days ago. I'm 28 and I'm also a type 1 diabetic. As a child, most of my symptoms were brushed off as being a part of my diabetes. I remember being frustrated from a very early age. I just didn't seem to fit in. In many ways, I wish I would have received a diagnosis at a younger age. However, a coworker first told me that it was a good thing that I wasn't diagnosed earlier. At first, I didn't understand what she meant. If I had been diagnosed earlier, I might not have pushed myself in the same way. I might not have chosen the same career path and I would have lost out on a lot of great experiences.

 

[Suzanne]

I have yet to benefit for this because I have no skills and low social skills. So someone like my self who can make use of therapy and proper care cannot get it since therapy is there mainly for those 22 and younger which leaves people like me out the door

Oh believe me, when I first discovered aspergers, although I did not feel ashamed, but I was fearful to talk about it because it is easy to read into things that are not there! That was 8 year's ago and now, even though I am not officially diagnosed, I am ok but it has taken its time. The catharsis came when I went to a huge gathering and although felt sick at the thought, the couple are so nice, I figured I would be fine; I wasn't and ended up sitting in the car, crying and feeling such shame and then said to myself: never again Suzanne; it is obvious that you cannot deal with this and so, from that day, I vowed that small gatherings with ones I know and feel comfortable with, are fine and it kind of bounced from there or snowballed to the point that a whole day outside my home is just too much for me and because I cannot cope, it gives me the inner strength to say: NO! I also use a bit of cunning lol and say if I go out the whole day, I won't want to cook and of course, wise crack husband says: pizza and I say: that is still me preparing and I cannot!

 

[Suzanne]

I really wish there was a case worker or consular who can help me find that special thing about me

I used to say: I am useless at everything! One day, as I said the same thing, I suddenly chuckled to myself and said: oh really? Then doesn't that mean you are amazing to have tried EVERYTHING in the world? I mean: so what if you failed; the fact that you tried would make you superhuman or something? From that point, I relaxed and soon discovered cross stitching which I am not at all humble about; I am BRILLIANT at them lol

I had been in and out of therapy in my 20's and one day it hit me that the only person who can help me, is ME.

 

[Suzanne]

Is there any chance your a Jehovah's Witness, because I am too and I celebrated the memorial on the same day, just on the off chance really

Whoa indeed I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It is Jehovah who keeps me in balance. I would love to chat with you and find out how you deal with being an aspie too?

 

[bubbles]

Y

Whoa indeed I am one of Jehovah's Witnesses. It is Jehovah who keeps me in balance. I would love to chat with you and find out how you deal with being an aspie too?

yeah sure, what means of contact would you like? Is there the option of private conversations on here

 

[Suzanne]

Y

yeah sure, what means of contact would you like? Is there the option of private conversations on here

Absolutely; just press on my picture area in: start conversation and go from there.