• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

The Buddy Bench

Vanilla said:

Hey everyone,

Not sure what everyone thinks of this idea, but thought I'd just put it out there in case anyone felt like giving it a go. It's called 'the buddy bench' system, and the video below should explain how it works.

Obviously online we can't install an actual bench, but perhaps we can put the basics of the system to play. All you'd have to do is reply to this post saying "(your name) is sitting on the buddy bench", and anyone can feel free to join you (and more than one person can join). Kind of like a 'buddy for an hour' sort of deal, so that everyone can have a chance to get to know someone new, and it doesn't put pressure on either person joining the bench to maintain the conversation afterwards should they only want a short one.

If someone is already sitting on the bench when you get here, all you have to do is type '(your name) sits next to (their name) on the bench' and then start by asking them a question. A few examples are below for anyone feeling unsure:

1) How is your day?
2) What's your favourite colour?
3) What's your favourite thing to eat?
4) What's your favourite animal, and why?
5) Would you like to try and find out what we share in common?

Should you be feeling shy and prefer a private conversation instead of talking via the thread, you can always take the conversation into a private message - just let the other person/ people know that you feel that way when sitting on the bench by saying '(your name) is sitting on the bench, hoping for a private chat', or something.

When you're ready to leave the bench, all you need to do is to thank the other person/ people for their time, and type '(your name) gets up from the bench'. It's up to you whether you'd like to 'shake hands' or 'do a little curtsy' before leaving as well. Need to keep talking after the other person leaves? Then check the bench again for anyone new, or create a new post letting people know you're still on the bench.

Keep in mind that anyone on the buddy bench could be feeling anxious to talk to others, so respect is important in trying to avoid accidentally hurting someone's feelings. Also keep in mind that sometimes the site might have more people at some times, and less people at others, so don't feel too discouraged if you don't find someone right away. They might take a bit of time to get back to you.
Click to expand...

The first part of this video is exactly how I felt every time it was recess. That fear and dread, knowing it was going to be awful. If we had had a Buddy Bench though the kids would have have mercilessly mocked anyone who sat there. They would have said the word "Buddy" in teh cruelest way. Would have said it every time they saw that person after. "Need a buddy?" I think it would have gone on for years. Keeping my head down was the only way to survive in school.

I am glad that they want to help but anything that makes someone stand out makes it worse. The teacher coming by helps a lot. Having them talk to a kid eats up the time they are in recess alone.

I know I am not addressing the idea of using the idea here on the site, my thoughts and feelings where about the kid and what I remembered being like him.
 
Hey you sweetie nice for you to join me on this beautiful multicoloured bench, and oh what a beautiful day it’s been, my day well I got up at my usual 7am, did some yoga, then housework followed by a long jog, watched ‘Dr Strange’ then worked on my CV and still mix as currently not working, did a little thinking around ‘who I am and what makes me happy and now having a glass of wine, how the devil are you? I’ve often enjoyed your postings.
 
grommet said:
The first part of this video is exactly how I felt every time it was recess. That fear and dread, knowing it was going to be awful. If we had had a Buddy Bench though the kids would have have mercilessly mocked anyone who sat there. They would have said the word "Buddy" in teh cruelest way. Would have said it every time they saw that person after. "Need a buddy?" I think it would have gone on for years. Keeping my head down was the only way to survive in school.

I am glad that they want to help but anything that makes someone stand out makes it worse. The teacher coming by helps a lot. Having them talk to a kid eats up the time they are in recess alone.

I know I am not addressing the id

ea of using the idea here on the site, my thoughts and feelings where about the kid and what I remembered being like him.
Click to expand...

Exactly my thoughts. I was lucky in the fact l wasn't picked on because of my looks but l still was painfully shy. Add black and white thinking, insecurity, and over emotional and the bathroom was the place l could go to. Like they needed a *buddy stall*, a bathroom stall you could go chill in. Those four small walls felt safe and there were no people faces to look at or decipher. Later in life, bathrooms at bad jobs are still the places l go if feeling a tab stressed.

grommet- hey how is your day going?
 
Giraffes said:
Hey you sweetie nice for you to join me on this beautiful multicoloured bench, and oh what a beautiful day it’s been, my day well I got up at my usual 7am, did some yoga, then housework followed by a long jog, watched ‘Dr Strange’ then worked on my CV and still mix as currently not working, did a little thinking around ‘who I am and what makes me happy and now having a glass of wine, how the devil are you? I’ve often enjoyed your postings.
Click to expand...

Glad to hear about your beautiful day! Sounds nice! I'm fine too, thanks for asking. I should be studying a lot for the upcoming exams at university, but somehow I enjoy more just listening to some music and just following my thoughts, trying to figure out what life's supposed to be about;).
 
grommet said:
The first part of this video is exactly how I felt every time it was recess. That fear and dread, knowing it was going to be awful. If we had had a Buddy Bench though the kids would have have mercilessly mocked anyone who sat there. They would have said the word "Buddy" in teh cruelest way. Would have said it every time they saw that person after. "Need a buddy?" I think it would have gone on for years. Keeping my head down was the only way to survive in school.

I am glad that they want to help but anything that makes someone stand out makes it worse. The teacher coming by helps a lot. Having them talk to a kid eats up the time they are in recess alone.

I know I am not addressing the idea of using the idea here on the site, my thoughts and feelings where about the kid and what I remembered being like him.
Click to expand...

Aspychata said:
Exactly my thoughts. I was lucky in the fact l wasn't picked on because of my looks but l still was painfully shy. Add black and white thinking, insecurity, and over emotional and the bathroom was the place l could go to. Like they needed a *buddy stall*, a bathroom stall you could go chill in. Those four small walls felt safe and there were no people faces to look at or decipher. Later in life, bathrooms at bad jobs are still the places l go if feeling a tab stressed.

grommet- hey how is your day going?
Click to expand...

Sorry to hear you two had bad experiences with bullies. I had wondered whether such a problem might arise with the buddy bench, admittedly, but as this place is a tight-knit community and a safe space with mods and admin watching over us, I feel it could work. I hope it helps people be good to one another.
 
Last edited:
Giraffes said:
Hey grommet are you still on the bench
Click to expand...

I think you mean am I waiting to spend time with someone. I .. I think I did not understand that by commenting I was spending time on the bench. I did not mean to make people think that and then not respond to them. I apologize. I did not stay and monitor the conversation, I am not on the bench. I am glad that you asked. I am always trying to find way to talk. I do not want to be alone.
 
Vanilla said:
Sorry to hear you two had bad experiences with bullies. I had wondered whether such a problem might arise with the buddy bench, admittedly, but as this place is a tight-knit community and a safe space with mods and admin watching over us, I feel it could work. I hope it helps people be good to one another.
Click to expand...

Oh yes, here it is very nice, it is safe. People have been wonderful to me and I don't remember seeing anyone be mean or rude though I guess it has happened a little bit but people like that aren't welcome here and they seem to stop or maybe they go away.

The kindness I have found here in aspie central is more than I have found anywhere. I have been helped so much. It is the only place I have ever really been myself and I cannot remember anyone making fun of me. This is a good place for a Buddy Bench.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

New Threads

Top Bottom