The compromise

[Pariah Dog]

Where did you leave the toothpaste you s.o.b ?



(I've read your other posts so am confident youll take my intent right and not be offended)

HAHA. That one might not be an example of something that actually happened. But it does make a point of how she would fight to the death for some of the pettiest things imaginable. The toothpaste might not have been a real example but is by no means an exaggeration.

 

[mw2530]

I'm not perfect. However, I was causing zero problems. I was going to just leave quietly, but I have learned that it is rude to not say goodbye. I was simply tired, overwhelmed, and ready to get back home. It seemed to offend some people. Their event wasn't finished yet so I was told I needed to stay... They weren't talking to me or even acknowledging that I was alive until I was ready to leave. So I left and I guess they are upset with me for not doing as I was told. I got a nasty text asking me what my problem was? I just replied, I just wanted to get home and storms are coming. No problem. They never texted back???? Neither did I. I don't do drama or drag stuff out.

Humans are odd beings...

Not sure why people feel the need to try and control other people's lives. Mainly when it does not cause harm to others. To each his own. People get offended to easily.

 

[OkRad]

Used too I would say sure compromise... After what I have been through in the past and especially my current situations. Now I would stay the car is loaded and leaving at 7:30, if you are in it great...
If not I will catch up with you later...

Sorry, but that stuff right there is what grew and grew until I had no life left. I had to stand up for myself today at a family event. I was being mentally shoved back into the NT corner and I refused.

I'm not perfect. However, I was causing zero problems. I was going to just leave quietly, but I have learned that it is rude to not say goodbye. I was simply tired, overwhelmed, and ready to get back home. It seemed to offend some people. Their event wasn't finished yet so I was told I needed to stay... They weren't talking to me or even acknowledging that I was alive until I was ready to leave. So I left and I guess they are upset with me for not doing as I was told. I got a nasty text asking me what my problem was? I just replied, I just wanted to get home and storms are coming. No problem. They never texted back???? Neither did I. I don't do drama or drag stuff out.

Humans are odd beings...

Agree here. Your special interests, if you are Aspie or Autie will SAVE YOUR LIFE AND YOUR SANITY. Sadly, people get tired of us. So we give up a huge chunk of our lives to fit in, they leave, and now we are behind. Imagine if you give up a lot of your interest and are no longer cutting edge on it??

It is not being selfish. I lived with a family Aspie for a long time and I respected that he needed his time and just don't go near him at that time. He knew the same about me. When we both had OUR TIME then amazingly, we had time together and it was (and is when I see them) GOOD time.

Don't do too much compromise. I do in the beginning to learn and let them learn about me. And most people are actually OK with it!! If you love someone and they KNOW IT, they don't mind and you also don't mind.

It helps to pencil in time, like a schedule, that you both know. I don't feel I have to streamroll anyone or NEVER be around anyone. But I need to know when and how etc so I can be a BETTER partner and love them in the way that I can. I am not a misanthrope. I like people, I dearly want to be in a relationship, but I learned it takes a lot of doing when your brain is a fd up. I don't think I have it in me anyore

 

[Ambi]

I think compromise is necessary of course...but another way to consider, depending on the extent of your special interests - if you can think of a hierarchy of them, then you can decide what you do and don't compromise on, or as much. Otherwise it can build up to resentment or added stress for those with ASD I think. For this kind of event since it only happens once in a while, leaving at a just a bit earlier is not a big deal to ask of someone, especially since you have a totally rational explanation for it. I just have some things I really care about, and others I don't as much or at all, and I understand it's the same way for my husband, so often neither of us needs to compromise much, though sometimes it does happen, of course - but that way we don't wind up resenting each other or compromising our own mental health. I only say this since special interests, and having a plan/routine and avoiding unexpected issues/problems are all a huge deal for me, and compromising those things can lead to a lot more stress than it would for others.

 

[Sherlock77]

The report card... Overall a good day out... Parking wasn't an issue... We wandered the car show together for a couple of hours, I did feel slightly constricted in my photography for that time period... After that we parted ways for a couple of hours, so I could focus more on what I wanted to do with my photography which I feel I do best solo, that was the plan from the beginning and overall I felt like it was a good arrangement that worked out reasonably well... Heck I know I need to focus more on social skills anyway and try to get better at it...

After the show we went for a drive further west almost into the mountains, as far as Sheep River Falls and then back to Calgary, some nice fall colours and a nice drive on a twisty highway... Got back about 12 hours after we left town...

Photos?

Before while we walked together... Not my best, not that much imagination, anyone could take it... Taken in a quick moment, not that much thought went into it...

After... A bit more conceptual, everything here is on purpose, not sure she would have had the patience to wait for me and my whims on this one... Even though she is an artist, I haven't tested that fully yet...

And one photo taken on the way home, as we jogged west before heading east back home, I composed this way on purpose in case anyone is wondering...

 

[Chance]

Good job! however go back to pic # 1

You missed the most perfect car there... The charcoal Z06 in the back ground (behind the big truck you photographed)... Or was that just to make me suffer??? : ) Thats my next bad decision... Coming soon I hope, but if not it stays on the list and I will grab one when I'm about 80 and drive it 30 miles and hour cause I cant see...

Good pics!

 

[Sherlock77]

Good job! however go back to pic # 1

You missed the most perfect car there... The charcoal Z06 in the back ground (behind the big truck you photographed)... Or was that just to make me suffer??? : ) Thats my next bad decision... Coming soon I hope, but if not it stays on the list and I will grab one when I'm about 80 and drive it 30 miles and hour cause I cant see...

Good pics!

Sorry didn't photograph that one, I did take a few photos of the 1994 Westfield Seven that was close to it, by far my all time favourite classic car!

 

[Fitzo]

The report card... Overall a good day out... Parking wasn't an issue... We wandered the car show together for a couple of hours, I did feel slightly constricted in my photography for that time period... After that we parted ways for a couple of hours, so I could focus more on what I wanted to do with my photography which I feel I do best solo, that was the plan from the beginning and overall I felt like it was a good arrangement that worked out reasonably well... Heck I know I need to focus more on social skills anyway and try to get better at it...

After the show we went for a drive further west almost into the mountains, as far as Sheep River Falls and then back to Calgary, some nice fall colours and a nice drive on a twisty highway... Got back about 12 hours after we left town...

Photos?

Before while we walked together... Not my best, not that much imagination, anyone could take it... Taken in a quick moment, not that much thought went into it...

View attachment 38434
After... A bit more conceptual, everything here is on purpose, not sure she would have had the patience to wait for me and my whims on this one... Even though she is an artist, I haven't tested that fully yet...

View attachment 38435

And one photo taken on the way home, as we jogged west before heading east back home, I composed this way on purpose in case anyone is wondering...

View attachment 38436

Good to hear you had a successful day! And glad to hear she handled a couple of hours without you so you could do some photography

I once went to Spain to visit my cousin for five weeks and ONE DAY I said I wanted to go off on my own to do some photography because we were in a spectacularly scenic and interesting town and I knew I'd probably never go there again. It was considered rude and unfriendly...........even though I studied photography full time for 2 years and hold a Diploma. (sigh)

Great pics BTW. My fave is the one with the yellow car. I love classic cars too although I know very little about them. My dream car has always been the Mercedes 300 SL although I'd happily settle for a 190!

 

[Pariah Dog]

That looked like a good time. Its cool that you got to do your own for a couple hours.

One of my favorites at the St. Albert show was an early 50's GMC COE truck that was modified to have a crew cab and a big flat deck and was built with a cummins 6.7L diesel, the one used in the Ram trucks. Was that one there by chance?

I also love the rat rods. Some of the classic European sports cars that are rare to see over here. The scores of muscle cars are cool but by sheer volume I find they start becoming a bit long in the tooth to walk around and look at 1000 of them.

 

[SusanLR]

I don't know much about cars either but go to shows with the guy I live with. Here's a ratty vw bus?

 

[Pariah Dog]

View attachment 38437 I don't know much about cars either but go to shows with the guy I live with. Here's a ratty vw bus?

HAHA, the ratty vw bus is awesome. The nice looking wheels are too much of a contrast though. Simple black steel wheels would look better. I love the single headlight up on the roof and the cowling around it which makes it look like it belongs there. That thing must look like a locomotive coming at you in the night. For those who don't know what I mean, North American freight locomotives typically have 3 headlights that form a triangle pattern as seen on this bus in the same arrangement.

 

[Sherlock77]

 

[S0093679]

Compromise is a great thing but it works both ways. Is it more important that she gets an extra half hour in bed or is it more important to find a decent place to park? How often do you do your own thing? Is it to her detriment?

You do have the right to follow your obsession within a relationship so long as it doesn't negatively affect the relationship. Looking at this from another point of view, out of respect for my husband I would gladly get up half an hour earlier to make sure we got out in time to have an easy day even if I had no interest in what he was doing.
We went to a viking reenactment my step son was part of which I found thoroughly uninspiring. I wanted to leave, but we all stayed to give support. That was our compromise as a family.

We went fishing some months back and after the first hour I was bored stiff, but it doesnt matter. I stayed and helped him, gave him company, did things his way. That was my compromise to him.

My husband spent the day mowing my allotment which had overgrown into a small jungle despite that he had his own work to do, was tired and didnt fancy mowing half an acre with a push mower. He did that for me, to help, so I felt supported, so I could enjoy my allotment and that was a compromise for him.

In a relationship we do things for each other for their sake and that is part of caring for our partners just as they (should) do for us. There really is nothing wrong with going out at 7:30am. If she doesnt want to, let her stay at home but go when you need to go and keep hold of your interest.

 

[Sherlock77]

Compromise is a great thing but it works both ways. Is it more important that she gets an extra half hour in bed or is it more important to find a decent place to park? How often do you do your own thing? Is it to her detriment?

You do have the right to follow your obsession within a relationship so long as it doesn't negatively affect the relationship. Looking at this from another point of view, out of respect for my husband I would gladly get up half an hour earlier to make sure we got out in time to have an easy day even if I had no interest in what he was doing.
We went to a viking reenactment my step son was part of which I found thoroughly uninspiring. I wanted to leave, but we all stayed to give support. That was our compromise as a family.

We went fishing some months back and after the first hour I was bored stiff, but it doesnt matter. I stayed and helped him, gave him company, did things his way. That was my compromise to him.

My husband spent the day mowing my allotment which had overgrown into a small jungle despite that he had his own work to do, was tired and didnt fancy mowing half an acre with a push mower. He did that for me, to help, so I felt supported, so I could enjoy my allotment and that was a compromise for him.

In a relationship we do things for each other for their sake and that is part of caring for our partners just as they (should) do for us. There really is nothing wrong with going out at 7:30am. If she doesnt want to, let her stay at home but go when you need to go and keep hold of your interest.

And anyone else with similar posts...

In the end the 8 AM start time was no problem, and finding a parking spot was no issue even going slightly later, probably wouldn't have even been an issue if we got there at 12 noon (just saying)... And so far in the relationship she supports my photographic hobby (obsession? ), and I support her art endeavours as well, although I think she is less obsessive about it than I am...

 

[Bella Pines]

Yeah, suck it up and deal.

Someone once described marriage to me as "both parties being equally miserable" Kidding. Sort of. But it's all good, I compromised a lot to start with but as my relationship continued, we learnt to understand each other's routines. And now, we have both reverted to our routines but have learnt to fit them together.

 

[Chance]

I would be cautious.
Routine means a lot and I don't like being told what to do.
I weigh everything. If the compromise seems worth it, fine. If it annoys me, then I would just explain why it does.
A one time shot to see how it goes wouldn't be bad IMO.

I'm just very wary of compromise as it can lead to being contolled if you let it. I feel like I've bought, sold and paid for in my current situation. But, then I have my own reasons for staying in it for now.
Good luck, hope you have a fun day.
I like car shows also and have been to many different ones in Florida. Lots of photographs.
This, I think, was my favourite classic:
View attachment 38412

ASD moment... I didn't even notice the cars (which are cool) in the photo.
The first thing I noticed in this photo was a name not even really visible or meant to be the focus of the photo. Don Garlits! He's sort of my drag racing hero. I want to go to that museum. A few years back at age 82 he set a world record with and EV (electric vehicle) dragster. He ran 184MPH in 1/4 mile... no petrol, no noise... amazing ! Did you get to see that dragster?

 

[Streetwise]

Compromise is a great thing but it works both ways. Is it more important that she gets an extra half hour in bed or is it more important to find a decent place to park? How often do you do your own thing? Is it to her detriment?

You do have the right to follow your obsession within a relationship so long as it doesn't negatively affect the relationship. Looking at this from another point of view, out of respect for my husband I would gladly get up half an hour earlier to make sure we got out in time to have an easy day even if I had no interest in what he was doing.
We went to a viking reenactment my step son was part of which I found thoroughly uninspiring. I wanted to leave, but we all stayed to give support. That was our compromise as a family.

We went fishing some months back and after the first hour I was bored stiff, but it doesnt matter. I stayed and helped him, gave him company, did things his way. That was my compromise to him.

My husband spent the day mowing my allotment which had overgrown into a small jungle despite that he had his own work to do, was tired and didnt fancy mowing half an acre with a push mower. He did that for me, to help, so I felt supported, so I could enjoy my allotment and that was a compromise for him.

In a relationship we do things for each other for their sake and that is part of caring for our partners just as they (should) do for us. There really is nothing wrong with going out at 7:30am. If she doesnt want to, let her stay at home but go when you need to go and keep hold of your interest.

Happy Birthday

 

[S0093679]

Thank you

 

[MrSpock]

I hope, and strongly suspect, that when I find the right person to spend the rest of my life with I will be able to compromise easily.

I can forego something to do with one special interest in order to fit another special interest in. Sometimes opportunities to do with special interests are time-restricted, and the opportunities must be taken even if some sort of sacrifice is necessary. If she is the right person, she will be one of my special interests.