The fear of taking risks...related to autism?

[BraidedPony]

I would own the land too. I don’t like big houses. I’ve been living in a 480 sq ft apartment and it’s just right. I don’t need dining rooms, living rooms, spare bedrooms etc. I don’t entertain or have overnight guests. All that is just wasted space.
Small places are easy to keep clean.

 

[Pats]

I always consider finances first - can you make the house payment AND afford the repairs? I want the money to be able to do things I enjoy doing and couldn't do if most my money was going into where I live. Utilities are also quite a bit higher in a house than an apartment.
But if you can afford it and it's what you want, do it.

 

[Progster]

I think that fear or change is more closely related to being on the spectrum than the risk itself. Risk and change are closely related. We tend to make calculated risks rather than impulsive ones, we often over-think things and examine them from all angles and in detail, and it sounds like this is what you are doing here. If we think things through and plan carefully, change is less daunting and more manageable, and we are less likely to make rash, unwise decisions. I would say, if you can afford it, go for it, but have a plan B if things don't work out such as selling if it doesn't work out.

 

[Major Tom]

Thank you Otenba. Unfortunately I don’t have any friends to ask for help. I have online friends I can ask for advice though.
I’ve always married men that were good at fixing things, so I’ve never had to learn. But I’ve wanted to!

I used to build houses, any questions feel free to ask. One thing to look for is foundation problems, like cracks in the basement walls\leaking. Also, cracks in the plaster of interior walls can indicate foundation problems or a roof leak. Have a good inspector look at the place before you decide to buy it. Also find out how readily available firewood is, you want to burn hardwoods if at all possible, as softwood and evergreens create lots of creosote and can cause chimney fires. If there's a wood stove check to see how difficult sweeping the chimney will be, if it's a straight chimney pipe, it's much easier to sweep. Check for plumbing leaks and electrical issues too. A good inspector should find any serious problems, so you know a bit about what you are looking at as far as repairs go. A lot you could do yourself via YouTube videos, I wouldn't do any electrical work or plumbing from a YouTube vid though.

 

[BeachLife]

My gut feeling on

I’m at a crossroads in my life. Maybe this isn’t even a big deal but it feels like a big deal to me. Im living in an apartment that I like OK, but it isn’t MY place. I’ve never owned a place by myself, only when married to a man that had tools and handyman knowledge.
Now I am single and a senior and there is a little cabin I want to buy. It needs some work so no bank will finance it.
I’ve been looking at the listing every day for over 200 days, looking at the photos on Zillow and daydreaming about how I would fix it up. I really want this place but I’m afraid. Will I be able to handle hiring people to make repairs and not get ripped off? Will I be able to shovel snow, carry firewood, keep a fire going so I don’t freeze to death? What if I get depressed and can’t handle something?
Is it normal to be afraid or am I sensing my limitations and should not buy it?
I don’t like the unknown.
I’m smart and good at finding solutions to problems.
Darn it, I’m confused.

It is JUST DO IT! Go for it! You can do it! The fact that you have already listed your potential issues shows that you could actually prepare yourself quite well with an action plan for of those things happen. You could use the forum for support/tips on each issue when, or even if they come up. Best to give it your all, than never know what it would have been like. Trust you will find a great handyman/woman to build a working relationship with to be your "go to" for maintenance. I am a firm believer that if it is meant to be it will happen for you smoothly and with a strong feeling of excitement once you decide to at least say 'yes' to taking the decision making to the next level (visit the property or other initial steps). If you do take those first steps...and if you are met with blocks and barriers from the get-go it could be a sign that it's not the right move for you. Id love to see pics of it

 

[Suzanne]

I am like this and have felt confused, until I think back on what someone said to me once.

My husband and I were liviing in a rented house, but he was never there during the week, due to work committments and I do not know HOW I survived, but I did and then, the lease was up and we had to move and I thought that my husband was bound to help me, but nope, he left it to me and at that time, I really believed that I had no say. I panicked to be honest.

In the end, I phoned a samaritan and explained my panic and she said: and yet, despite this panic, you made arrangements to have letters redirected etc. In truth, she related, that shows you are a practical person and not many people are like that!

So, basically, turn it around to a positive trait of having aspergers. We think ahead of all the dangers and many nts do not and get into all sorts of issues. Basically, what you worry about are very REAL things that can happen and from that, you can make a decision where it is a viable option.

I have felt stuck. I live in a foreign land and mostly am alone. I do not drive and it becomes very obvious how awful my situation is, when my husband cannot drive. So, I have thought up ways around this. If I went back to my country, I would have to live there for a year, before learning to drive. The snag is, that my husband would leave it all to me, but reminding me that I am a married woman with responsibilities and so, on matter which way I turned, I had not seen a solution.

Now, though, I am finally officialised as having aspergers, there are doors open to me, but even then, I panic. Could I work? Should I get financial aid? Etc.

Anyway, to go back to your situation. See it as a positive trait, because it is wise to think of what can go wrong.

 

[Sarah S]

Before i move to my now current apartment (ie 2 years ago ) i actually lived (Rented ) in a OLD RUN down Small house (built in 18 00 actually ) on the country side for 16 years and what i can say s IT IS VERY tough on youre body and it WILL need youre being able to KNOW that you infact are able and ready to cope with the daily struggle of living this way. SO in my humble opinion if you fear that youre Diagnosis and bodily status is a risk then DONT do it dear (have you conciderd buying it and use for summer home only ? )

During winter you WILL need to have fire wood prepared , you WILL have to be able to go and collect said fire wood , making up the fire /KEEP the fire going 24 /7 (it WILL be´get cold pretty fast if the fire is not on most of the day and night (depending on how well insulated said house is of course) You WILL be forced to shovel snow and i can assure you its HARD job, then we have the water supply / Waist disposing system for youre personal needs (ie Nr 1 & 2 ) that can freeze winter time. Storms that may isolate you from fallen trees , power outage for longer periods of time. Water drainage, FIRE ,Lighting. Wild animals (incl dangerous ones dep. on what state ) And it costs ALOT of money to fix up old houses. bacikly old houses is BLACK deep money pits and as you youre self point out youe not able to do it youre self it WILL get expensive

THEN we also have SAFETY one of the reasons i chosen to NOT move out on the country side again as a Single woman and NOT as young as i once was

In short moving out this way you WILL need to learn how to be independent and able to get things done + you REALLY should try befriend youre closest neighbors (i was lucky enough i befriended a LOVELY farmer close buy and i can say that if he hadent supported me i wouldn't have stood a living chance in gods green earth of living out there 16 years ) and lastly as you say its up in the mountains from what i learnt living up in the mountains in USA is among the toughest places to live. Oh and reg the road thats un paved Spring MUDDY possibly flooded /Summer DUSTY possibly flooded ,Winter LOADS of snow = you will need a GOOD Solid 4 wheel drive (SUV ) + its YOU that have to maintain said road or pay someone local to do it for you

Now all this said IF you feel you are willing to give it a go then GO for it . BUT IF you SOMEHOW down the line feels this dont went as you planed DONT feel ashamed and you shore as heck DONT feel like you failed you had a dream you went for it ,you tried it dident worked out. And as i said i would strongly suggest buy it and use as a summer home instead of year round WAY less expensive and needs WAY less maintenance.

In my case i was forced to leave due to exactly pre mentioned struggles as my body was NOT able to continue + My land lord died and his kids that inharited was not willing to let me continue to stay under those poor living conditions (Yes they were LOW but it worked and was enough for me BUT as time went on the house went further down and it wasent suteble for living there at the end and it was to expensive to fix it up SO i do understand them.

 

[BraidedPony]

Thank you Everyone for such good information and support!
I’m definitely leaning towards trying to buy. I’ve contacted the realtor for some more info and my attorney for advice on how to finance before my divorce is final. I emailed hubs and asked if he is going to sign the divorce papers and he said he will know by the end of the month. (he said that in November) I really can’t wait forever, geesh.
The sellers would have to lower the price, but that is typical I think.
Not really sure what order to do things in this process, so I’m just kind of playing by ear.
This is the only place I’ve ever seen that I actually wanted to live in. I’ve always just lived where I could based on being practical and within a budget. Or where a husband wanted to live. Now I’m single, well, soon to be single I hope, and I can live where I want pretty much.
This little red cabin is just so darn cute! There are windows on each side and it’s nestled in among old pine trees. There is no yard to take care of, just forest floor of pine needles and some kind of native plants. It would be so nice to wake up to birdsong instead of police sirens.
Of course, I could wake up to a leaking roof, backing up toilet... lol. Mice...

 

[Sarah S]

Id say you are on the RIGHT track and you KNOW what the deal is so GO for it and YES make them drop the price.

Ps Mice OH yes i had that AL over the house winter time =get cats (would strongly suggest INDOOR cats as the wildlife would get them pretty soon ) Leaking roof yep had that as well got fixed, backing up toilet NO frozen water lines to said toilet YES , burst water lines in the bathroom YES

Oh and as i said check with youre neighbors what they have to say & i STRONGLY suggest you learn about the wildlife in said state and mountain as you will get to meet them CLOSE and around youre house on a regular basis

GOOD luck and i SO wish for youre dream to become what youre after (i never ONCE regretted moving to said house i lived in )

 

[Mary Terry]

I think your identification and focus on the main issues of rural home ownership show that you can do this. There are some great suggestions here from other posters. I live in the country where many of things you are concerned about can and do happen to us. Here are my suggestions for some things you should get:

A good electric heater or one of those oil-fueled heaters to use in case you run out of firewood or don't want to go outside and get the firewood in bad weather. A gas generator would be great if you can afford one and can keep gasoline on hand in case the electricity goes out.

A carbon monoxide detector since you will be burning fossil fuels.

A heavy duty battery operated light in case the electricity goes out.

A cover/roof for your vehicle adjacent to your house to protect it from snow and make it easier for you to haul in groceries if it is raining.

Some emergency foods such as dried beans, rice and canned goods in case the electricity goes out for a substantial length of time.

A cast iron tea kettle to heat water and a cast iron dutch oven with a lid to cook on top of the wood stove or on a tripod in your fireplace.

Go for it! It sounds heavenly, and if it doesn't work out, then put it on the market and move back to town.

 

[Sarah S]

A few things i like to ad to Marry Terry's excellent list is a Portable electric gasoline power generator for WHEN said power goes out. i had a BIG one the biggest portable that existed and without it well NA wouldn't work ) longest power outage i had was nearly a month.

Electric heater will make youre electric bill sky rock (believe me i tried that ) so as for emergence yeah a gas or as we have here Kerosene driven heaters are WAY safer then gas or liquefied petroleum gas = gasol were you risk blowing the place up. And to help keeping the heat, OIL driven Heaters is the way to go here . & you also should see if you have or can install a fire stow (A it helps keeping the kitchen warm B you can cook without electricity)

A GOOD SNOW blower will help IMMENSELY in getting the snow away TRUST me on this.

And last a GOOD Lightning rod/Conductor/ arrester to lead the lighting down to the ground and NOT burn youre house down & prefably a plan B for communication = CB or something alone those lines. 6 also a good Earth fault breaker so that when /IF the lightning goes you dont blow out youre entire electric in the house + again dont burn down the house. And some Powder Powder extinguishers for IF theres a fire. + obviously fire detectors in ALL rooms WORKING that is

 

[BraidedPony]

I think I’m going to try to buy the little red cabin. I can only so a little bit a day or the stress makes me sick.
Today I emailed the realtor with some questions and did some thinking and looked for money sources.
My next step will be to actually view the property in person! Maybe early next week. Or tomorrow.
If all this works out, you all have to come over for an old fashioned house warming party!!!! Lol I haven’t had a party in 40 years, so it’s about time, right?

 

[BraidedPony]

I used to build houses, any questions feel free to ask. One thing to look for is foundation problems, like cracks in the basement walls\leaking. Also, cracks in the plaster of interior walls can indicate foundation problems or a roof leak. Have a good inspector look at the place before you decide to buy it. Also find out how readily available firewood is, you want to burn hardwoods if at all possible, as softwood and evergreens create lots of creosote and can cause chimney fires. If there's a wood stove check to see how difficult sweeping the chimney will be, if it's a straight chimney pipe, it's much easier to sweep. Check for plumbing leaks and electrical issues too. A good inspector should find any serious problems, so you know a bit about what you are looking at as far as repairs go. A lot you could do yourself via YouTube videos, I wouldn't do any electrical work or plumbing from a YouTube vid though.

Well guess what! I’ve been emailing the realtor and she said that the floor is slanted a bit AND it needs anew septic system! It has the original system from 1941. I will definitely hire a pre inspection done if I go forward....besides I’m still looking for money that isn’t owned jointly with hubs.
The wood stove/heater is this big old thing, from 1941 too probably but the stove pipe looks new, straight, and not too long because the ceiling isn’t that high and it goes straight up though the roof. There is a black metal box at the ceiling where the pipe goes through...maybe insulation?
She said that the septic system works but it isn’t up to current code, but it is grandfathered in. No one has lived in the cabin full time, the family that has owned it since it was built have used it as a vacation cabin.

 

[Sarah S]

Well guess what! I’ve been emailing the realtor and she said that the floor is slanted a bit AND it needs anew septic system! It has the original system from 1941. I will definitely hire a pre inspection done if I go forward....

besides I’m still looking for money that isn’t owned jointly with hubs.

The wood stove/heater is this big old thing, from 1941 too probably but the stove pipe looks new, straight, and not too long because the ceiling isn’t that high and it goes straight up though the roof. There is a black metal box at the ceiling where the pipe goes through...

maybe insulation?

She said that the septic system works but it isn’t up to current code, but it is grandfathered in. No one has lived in the cabin full time, the family that has owned it since it was built have used it as a vacation cabin.

Im no building pro but slanted floor could indicate the whole house have started to settle (ie sinking on one side ) or the floor support beems are in need of raising up .

I can of course only go by Swedens rate of a new septic etc... And its EXPENSIVE (roughly 100 000 KR + Incl installing ).

I wouldn't worry to much about the old wood stow as long as its up to code (ie needs checking and certificated)

Id check if there is insulation it wasent in the one i rented from the beginning and if not = NOT cheap.

Bacikly im afraid what i read about this house is consider IF buying this as a vacation home. If you gonna live year round get it VERY cheap as it WILL cost to get liverble for year around ( same reason i had to move out due to LACK of up keeping for many years ) + it also needed a new septic etc... system.

Yes im a woman but i have lived out in the country side since i was 15 on and of and in the northern parts of Sweden.

 

[BraidedPony]

They said the inspector recommended replacement with an estimate of 17,000 USD! But, if they lower the price by double that....
But once I get the Health Dept involved with inspecting stuff I’m afraid they will find something else not up to code. For example I’m sure the plumbing is soldered with lead.
But I don’t mind a crooked floor, but now I know why it is so much cheaper than other properties in the area!

 

[Sarah S]

They said the inspector recommended replacement with an estimate of 17,000 USD! But, if they lower the price by double that....
But once I get the Health Dept involved with inspecting stuff I’m afraid they will find something else not up to code. For example I’m sure the plumbing is soldered with lead.

But I don’t mind a crooked floor, but now I know why it is so much cheaper than other properties in the area!

The LAST thing i wont to do is bring you down BUT yes now you know and im afraid i have to advice look for another better house in the region TRUST me on this i LIVED in a house like that for 16 years and NOTHING was up to code (incl Electricity ,Plumping , septic system etc........... Said house has stood empty nearly 20 years prior to me and then it was even in worse shape then when i moved in as my landlord had to fix up some things straight away before i signed the contract )

You should use those money on a BETTER house instead of a black money pit like this one. DONT give up on youre dream BUT let this one go IF you wont it as year round house vacation house & CHEAP GO for it

 

[BraidedPony]

Don’t worry, you won’t bring me down. It’s good to get all the facts, not just the good ones.
I’m not discouraged yet about the condition of the place. I expected to buy a place that needed work and then make repairs and improvements as I have money to do so and also as I can handle the disruption in my routine.
If I buy it then I won’t have rent or mortgage, that will save me hundreds right there. My mom has offered to buy me a house for years now, but for her to live with me. OMG no! I’m seriously considering asking her for a loan. I’ve never borrowed money from her, but I might now. Then after the divorce is final and hubs pays me for half our house, I can pay her back with a little interest.
In my mind I have the place all fixed up down to where the furniture goes. I think some of this is autism obsession.

 

[Sarah S]

If you have the means to fix it up then GO for it

( Giggles) The alredy furnished and fixed up in my head i have gone thru that in EVERY home i have comed to WAY before i even had the keys, add to that everything alredy packed MONTHS ahead

 

[Bronzelincolns]

fear of taking risks is related to being human. everyone has their comfort zone that they would prefer to remain in.

looks like you've counted the costs of doing this. it's up to you if you want to pursue it.

 

[BraidedPony]

Yeah, I’m 90% sure I’m going to go for it. It may be scary, it may be a money pit, but I want to do it anyway.